ALONE IN A STATE OF STRESS

by Irina Kagan, teacher at the Harmony Institute of Psychotherapy and Victor Kagan, professor, and vice president of the Independent Psychiatric Association of Russia

This is a brief summary of their article

Each person always undergoes stress alone because this is his or her own personal stress. Even the closest friends or relatives are unable to take on this burden and share it. Therefore, quite often the suffering person cannot perceive compassion in a friend or accept advice, and cannot imagine that anybody else could understand his or her emotional experience. This person is so deeply immersed in stress as not to notice surrounding things. Whatever the case, this suffering person is her or her own main source of help, whatever outside assistance is forthcoming. Life traumas vary greatly. Physical and sexual violence, natural disaster, the loss of a close friend, wars -- they differ but share a common sensation of grief. The authors see grief as a state of feeling which can last a long time. During this period the person continues living (at least one hopes so) and gradually returns to an increasingly full life. The authors distinguish ten stages in this process: l. Shock, followed by a defensive reaction of "no, it cannot be." 2. An emotional explosion, with heartache and other physical symptoms. 3. Depression, with feelings of loss and emptiness. 4. A psychosomatic reaction, often accompanied by recurrence of illness. 5. Bewilderment, panic -- not knowing how to go on and whether one has the strength to cope. 6. A sense of guilt -- "I didn't do all I could have to prevent this misfortune." 7. Aggressiveness, hostility toward the object of grief. 8. Helplessness, feeling the impossibility of returning to the old way of life. 9. Awakening of hope -- the person begins to feel he/she will cope with grief. l0. Beginning adaptation to a new life and a new reality. But sometimes the process of experiencing stress takes destructive forms, such as panic, when one overflows with fear and grief, or rage, when one is ready forcibly to expel a loss from one's consciousness, often through binges of drinking, drugs, and sexual excess. It could take the form of nightmares or the desire to quit life. What should we do to overcome stress? The most important thing is to support your own aspirations and strivings for return to a normal life. l. Allow yourself to suffer when it is appropriate -- this is right and natural. 2. Allow yourself to love yourself -- this too is natural, it is not selfishness. 3. And the main thing is, do not hasten to change your life. When the experience of stress is strong and evokes anxiety and despondency, it often seems that some crucial decision has to be made to turn life around. It is hard to prevent a desire for change, yet try to check this desire and to understand what purpose change would serve. Very often in such circumstances people do not make the best decision for themselves. If some trauma engulfs you, it is good to meet with others who experience it. A group is the best helper in this situation. It is hard to overestimate what people can do for each other in these group interactions. Often people going through traumatic stress avoid getting help from psychologists or psychotherapists. One reason is a traditional fear of psychiatry. The aim of psychotherapy is to help in completing processes related to overcoming the trauma. If you feel that you are not able to cope with your experience, that you are inclining to aggression, alcohol or drugs, it is time to go to a psychologist. It is good if you can cope with the consequences of stress, but you don't have to do it alone. No less important is the ability to seek out effective helpers and to accept assistance from them.