Translated material
How it really happened
An anonymous source provided us with a recording allegedly made at the residence of the President of the Russian Federation, in a sauna. At first we thought it was a provocation. But after listening to the text, we decided that it was very plausible, and the voices were recognizable. In addition, given the situation in the president’s circle, we considered that mutual surveillance is a very real thing, and therefore decided to publish the recording, removing from it everything that could clearly humiliate someone’s honor and dignity. Here is the text.
PRESIDENT: Sprinkle some more.
DIGITANT: Cooler?
PRESIDENT: In moderation.
(Hissing, pause.)
DIGITANT: Vladimir Vladimirovich, you seem somewhat thoughtful today.
PRESIDENT: What?
DIGITAL: I say, you are somehow thoughtful today, self-absorbed, focused. Did something happen? Can I help?
PRESIDENT: Help? ... Exactly! I remembered why I called you! There is a theme.
DIGITANT: I’m listening, Vladimir Vladimirovich.
PRESIDENT: Here's the thing. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m high on Viagra and there are no women around.
DIGITANT: Vladimir Vladimirovich, is this a metaphor?
PRESIDENT: What?
DIGITANT: Is this a metaphor? Well, some kind of comparison?
PRESIDENT: Don't show off. I know what a metaphor is. Of course, damn it! Why can't I live without Viagra?
DIGITANT: Decipher it, please. I don't get it.
PRESIDENT: Listen here, smart guy. Tell me, why should I care about this rating of yours?
DIGITANT: Vladimir Vladimirovich, this is not my rating,
and yours. It is the people who love you, not me.
PRESIDENT: He loves, he loves... You did the ratings, you cheated indiscriminately, you tyrannized me: “This is necessary, that is necessary...”. I'm not a president, but some kind of movie star. Look, he even forced me to undress.
DIGITANT: But the result!
PRESIDENT: Why the hell do I need this result!? Should I get elected, or what?! What will I do with your rating after March? Where should I put it?! That's it! I'll leave you! Is this clear!?
DIGITANT: Yes, Vladimir Vladimirovich. I understand. But this is a rating. This is reliability, stability, our future.
PRESIDENT: Listen, smart guy. If I have seventy percent, how much rating is left for my successor?
DIGITANT: No more than thirty.
PRESIDENT: And this is what you call stability!? Why the hell do we need a president with such a rating!? Do you remember what you told me about the rating back then, in 2000?
DIGITANT: What, Vladimir Vladimirovich?
PRESIDENT: Let me remind you: we need a rating, you said, to ensure stability and support for any decisions, even unpopular, even idiotic ones. And this is my main task, the president, therefore. Do you remember?
DIGITANT: Of course, Vladimir Vladimirovich?
PRESIDENT: What will the future be able to provide with such a rating? And then I want to rest. All. I'm tired of this rating. Am I going to salt it, or what? I will have other worries.
DIGITANT: Can I think about it?
PRESIDENT: Think, smart guy. That's what I'm holding you to.
(Pause.)
PRESIDENT: And it’s unclear what to do tomorrow. They wrote something vague to me. And perform with this?!
DIGITANT: Are you talking about the congress, Vladimir Vladimirovich?
PRESIDENT: What else?
DIGITANT: Vladimir Vladimirovich, it is difficult to write something bright when your personal plans are not clear. They also don’t understand anything, they can’t even form a top three. This is understandable: if they knew about the successor, they would have included him.
PRESIDENT: I know why they need a successor: to quickly lick a new ass. Don't pester me. When necessary, then I’ll tell you. And these “edrossies”... They got loose and started their games. And Mironov let us down.
DIGITANT: But I told you, Vladimir Vladimirovich. Remember? Mironov won’t be able to. He loves you too much. And here you need to criticize, get rid of it completely. And this is difficult. And reflexes: as soon as they begin to criticize, the taps will be turned off, automatically. No matter what, it didn’t work.
PRESIDENT: Yes, dummy. Splash some more.
(Pause, steam hissing.)
DIGITANT: An idea has appeared!
PRESIDENT: Well?
DIGITANT: Do you remember, Vladimir Vladimirovich, in the fall of 2003 I proposed to you to head the list of “United Russia members”?
PRESIDENT: Where did I send you, remember? Why would I end up in this trash heap?!
DIGITANT: I remember, I even learned the words. Only now the situation is different.
PRESIDENT: Has the trash heap become cleaner?
DIGITANT: No. It’s just that you gave me a hint then, and we correctly decided that we need to protect the rating and not spoil it. And now you don’t need a rating. Right? You yourself asked: what to do with it? Here you can use it.
PRESIDENT: What the hell?
DIGITANT: Let's think together, Vladimir Vladimirovich. Look. What are they claiming now?
PRESIDENT: Well, according to you, about forty percent.
DIGITANT: Yes. And taking into account the multiplier, and even dragging someone, it will be a little more than half. Not interesting. What if you lead them in person?
PRESIDENT: What?
DIGITANT: More than half will take it like two fingers on the asphalt. Or maybe we’ll get over sixty. Let's add a little more. So, taking into account the multiplier, more than two-thirds of the places will be ours. And then you can do whatever you want. We will adjust the Constitution, for example.
PRESIDENT: Why should I care? They will adjust to themselves.
DIGITANT: And to whom will they owe their happiness? And you will have a good counterweight to the heir. You can become the leader of the party. It won't be too much of a burden, but you can twist them. All your regional servants will be there to look into your mouth.
Look at the design that comes out. You are building a stool on three legs: You, in your glass castle, are the heir and prime minister. And now you will have control over the Duma, reliable, complete. Two thirds is not bullshit. Your leg will become the strongest. So how?
PRESIDENT: Let me think... Let's go. For a beer.
(Pause. Further at the table.)
DIGITANT: More?
PRESIDENT: Yeah. And you're a smart guy! There's something here. Who will I be in the trio with?
DIGITANT: But with no one, Vladimir Vladimirovich! Can you imagine!? All games have threes. Like Marx, Engels and Lenin. And you are one, one in three persons. Like God!
PRESIDENT: Well, you're not very good! And there is something in this. Really. I'm starting to like it. Alone and ahead. This is good.
DIGITANT: Warn them?
PRESIDENT: No need. In half an hour you can give Gryzlov a hint. That's all. Will you hold out?
DIGITANT: Vladimir Vladimirovich!
PRESIDENT: Okay, I forgot. And prepare a new text.
DIGITANT: Of course. Vladimir Vladimirovich, can you imagine what will happen to these party members!? All their plans are in vain! They were planning to show off, chitchat, and kick each other. And here you are, on a white horse! What's it like?
PRESIDENT: Love! Oh, love!
DIGITANT: And the liberals have a blast!
THE PRESIDENT: That's clear. Yes, they have no chance anyway. We wouldn't let them in, no way.
DIGITANT: Yes, but for now they are hoping, they are twitching. And here everything is a mess. Imagine how they will be now, realizing that everything is the end.
PRESIDENT: Shine!
DIGITANT: And what a howl will begin! These journalists and political scientists!
PRESIDENT: Stop, smart guy! What should I tell them? They'll ask. They will immediately think that I am doing this to stay.
DIGITANT: Don’t argue with them, Vladimir Vladimirovich. Hint, they say, about a transition to a parliamentary republic, to the post of prime minister. Not exactly, but as a possibility. You yourself understand.
PRESIDENT: Correct! No, I just like it. And all these servants will not look the other way. Somehow it became more fun. Thanks, smart guy! What, did they bring...?
(Recording breaks.)
Since the source of information is anonymous, we cannot guarantee complete accuracy. An examination of the voices and recordings has not yet been carried out. But in any case, the text brought to your attention opens up additional space for reflection about V.V.’s plans. Putin.