In the Kremlin

Doctor-Tolmach

June 19, 2009 Anton Oresh

Politics is a lesson where people very often do not have the opportunity to say something directly. They cannot call a spade a spade. They cannot say that they need at all than they are unhappy. They cannot make an open offer, get a clear answer. This is such a game "in words." The main language is Aesopov. When it is necessary to translate from Russian into Russian, but Russian Aesopov.

One good friend of mine, for example, turned on the TV and heard Medvedev Lukashenko’s answer. Remember, when Lukashenko brought down Kudrin all the power of his vocabulary, and Medvedev answered him, but not so powerful, but in an allegorical manner, never having named either Lukashenko himself, nor even the country of Belarus. And my comrade, not knowing the background, listened with interest to this hard Medvedev tirade, but did not understand to whom it was addressed. In general, politicians need an interpreter. Who would translate their words and intentions into a certain other plane, give a hint, went from another side to the same problem.

In Russia, there is such an interpretation. Wonderful interpretation. The main interpretation and he is the chief sanitary doctor. In general, in Rus', orderlies along with firefighters are the best interpreters. If you need to explain to any company that it is “wrong”, a fireman immediately comes to the company in search of fire extinguishers and places for smoking and a nurse in search of cleanliness and sterility. We cannot send firefighters abroad, if only not to be considered a war under fire-fighting measures, but a sanitary doctor for intelligible explanations-as much as you like.

We eat, drink, use many different products, not suspecting their harmfulness. And Onishchenko, instead of eyes, has microscopes. And without error, it finds the not the same minerals in the mineral “Borjomi”, in the Georgian and Moldavian wines the lack of wine, but the presence of “alcohol -containing solutions”, in Latvian sprats he sees either excessive toxicity, or weak “fishing”. Forgive me neologism, but Onishchenko enriches our language with the magnificent words “alarming”, “scaling”: “This is a fission, the so -called energy, put on an industrial basis and is scale from the connivance of states.” So he “alarm” about energy drinks.

The thing is that his periscopes begin to see all sorts of rubbish in the sprot or Belarusian sour cream only when Latvia or Belarus slip “surrogate” in other, completely unrelated issues. Abkhazia with Ossetia, say, do not want to admit or pay for gas as we want. And then the-Tolmach suddenly, as if reading an invisible secret label, tells us what really consists of what we ate with such pleasure the night before. And what - running ahead - we will eat with no less pleasure, as soon as the innocent neighbors make concessions. The same poisoned sour cream by the next day becomes fresh, tastier and more useful to the former. Despite the fact that the sour cream “before” and sour cream “after” from the same bidon.

Onishchenko judges the quality of wine and simultaneously tells, not embarrassed how he proclaims toast at important events, clinks, and then pours out the wine under the table. This is already a doctor in a position, not by diploma, but by vocation. He was already born a sanitary doctor, and, apparently, immediately the main one.

Photo by RIA Novosti