From the underwear. Part 3

- Where are your forty guards? - Strictly asked at the meeting Grisha Chkhartishvili, he is Boris Akunin. I realized that again I missed something from my life.

- Want to know the truth about yourself - go to the deputies! - joyfully formulated in the same feast the good -natured Petya Vale.

I did not stop finding out the truth about myself all these two months - from the press, from the Internet, sometimes from friends ... Forty guards - half -bastards! That suddenly someone saw me in a reception room at Charlatan Grabovoy (presumably, I came to agree on an eternal life), a kind acquaintance, at a meeting, confidentially said: the police know about my pedophilia.

When I got the speech of the speech, it turned out: her friend, the major, confused me with another teacher of the Palace of Pioneers on the Lenin Mountains, where I taught in my youth - a criminal case really started about my colleague.

Eternal life is a god with her, but I was sorry for the disappearance from the track record of pedophilia. To us, to the millionaires, the retirement-pensionaries, this would be to the face! But the direction of the vector has long been clear, and I was looking forward to the nine children of various color of the skin described by Mark Twain, running to me with a cry of “dad, dad” ...

Alas. I didn’t have anything to learn about my new children, but I learned a lot about my wife and parents. From the letter of a certain Sofya Moiseevna Shlyaman from Israel (letters full of drama and widely expanded on the Internet), it turned out that my parents, Jewish nationalists, did not accept my Russian wife Lyudochka, a longtime friend of Sophia Moiseevna. (For reference, for future compromises: the beloved grandfather of my Russian wife at birth was called the name of Jehudi, and the wife’s name itself is exclusively Mila, and anyone who will try to call her “Lyudo” will go, I assure you, much beyond Israel.)

But we will not be distracted from the plot of “Letter”, there are still a lot of interesting things. Well, for example: the daughter, of course, is not mine, but the extended. However, according to Sofya Moiseevna, her friend “Lyudochka” can be understood: the fact is that I am a latent maniac, and a maniac and impotent at the same time.

I will not hide from you: the appearance of this article sharply increased the interest in me of the female half of the voters! Sergei Parkhomenko called in powerless envy. You, he says, is a rare instance, Shenderovich, you have two dicks! One you are a maniac, the other is impotent. Yes, I say, the Jews know how to settle down ... If you want the same, go run the road, the tablecloth is the road!

I almost forgot. No Sofia Moiseevna Shlyaman in Israel, of course, was not. I was confident in this from the very beginning, but just in case I specified at the Israeli embassy. And for sure! The name, therefore, is out of the head, and texts - from where the rest is creative from where.

They really do not know anything else, but it is as much as they like. Heredity, you know. "Klim Chugunkin ... experience!" - As Professor Preobrazhensky used to say, looking at Sharikov's vodka, who is leaning ...

But what is interesting: at some point, in accordance with the dialectics, the number of black PR turned into quality, and I suddenly caught myself on the fact that I stopped reaping in anticipation of a new portion of shit. I appreciated the aggregate efforts made to my drowning, and paradoxically felt it as a recognition.

“They are afraid! - In a private letter, a journalist, a good friend, wrote to me in a private letter, which explains the expressiveness of vocabulary. - Vitya! O. They are actually afraid! "

They were actually afraid, and I honestly did not expect it.