Jonah with equipment

I honestly admit that I have been eyeing the leader of the Moscow Helsinki Group, Lyudmila Mikhailovna Alekseeva, for a long time at all sorts of public meetings and meetings. Therefore, the news that she is an English spy is not a surprise to me. But still, it’s hard for me to imagine how this respectable lady arrives on the outskirts of Moscow, goes to some stone on the side of the road, takes out a mobile phone and starts transmitting information. It’s just not Lyudmila Mikhailovna, but some radio operator Kat.

Generally speaking, not everything is clear with this tricky cobblestone. And most importantly: how did our operatives allow an enemy spy to steal the only material evidence into his enemy lair? And why was it necessary to show the public another stone in section? Moreover, most likely, taken from the shelf of the museum of the KGB Higher School - for those who didn’t pay attention, there are details the size of a fist. A kind of filling for the “Estonia” tube radio.

Do you know what I think? There was no electronics in that stone at all. Our Pinkertons were mistaken. On the other hand, it is clear what misled them - the more than strange behavior of the British diplomat. Judge for yourself: a man gets out of the car, looks around, excuse me, pees on some stone (there is nothing surprising in this, we all do this from time to time), but then - attention! - takes this stone and carries it into the car. All!!! Then the counterintelligence officers realized that finally a real shark of imperialist espionage had fallen into their net. Because no normal person would do this. Our officers did not take into account one thing - in front of them was a representative of Western civilization.

These are freaks, we think when we see some grandmother - God's dandelion, walking her dog on the green lawn, carefully collecting in a bag everything that her dog has walked. Have you guessed it yet? Of course... The English diplomat was simply cleaning up after himself. A man peed on a stone and decided to throw it in the nearest trash can. This is how they accept it. In a word, this story wouldn’t be worth a damn if it hadn’t turned out that it was the response of our intelligence services to the actions of their British colleagues, who, as the Daily Journal learned from confidential sources, in turn, recently neutralized a Russian spy in the heart of the capital of the United Kingdom.

Remember that sad story about the whale that swam into the Thames? The whole world watched with a shudder at his death. However, it is strange that no one asked the obvious question: why the hell did a freedom-loving Atlantic animal swim up a narrow and shallow English river, in which there has been no plankton since the time of Cromwell? It is clear that this was one of the last spy whales that was once actively used by the KGB. (After the collapse of the USSR, most of these noble mammals threw themselves ashore in despair.) The history of these animals is as follows. First, they were trained for a couple of years in the Sochi Dolphinarium, then they were transported to Moscow and at the Transplant Center, through a complex surgical intervention, all organs that were not essential for life were removed. So that an intelligence officer could fit inside along with listening equipment.

If the whale had not surfaced near Buckingham Palace, the Russian intelligence officer could well have gone undetected into the open sea. But either the employee’s equipment malfunctioned and he ordered the whale to surface in order to better hear what was being said at a meeting of the British Parliament, or it was just petty, but the fact remains that the whale was noticed, lifted aboard the ship and exposed. The foreign intelligence officer decided not to surrender to the enemy and put a bullet in his forehead. The bullet passed through the soft tissue of the officer's brain and hit the whale in the eye from the back. This is how this sad story ended. By that time, the whale and the man had served together for twenty years and were scheduled to retire after the G8 summit in St. Petersburg. This was their penultimate task.