Closet for the FSB

An era of universal equality is coming in Russia, and it opens with the Order of the Ministry of Communications and Mass Communications of the Russian Federation dated May 19, 2009 N 65 of Moscow “On approval of the Requirements for networks and means of postal communication for carrying out operational investigative activities.” From now on, security forces will be able to freely view citizens’ correspondence and open parcels and parcels. Residents of big cities who used e-mail and mobile phones can breathe easy - they are not alone under the hood. The FSB has never given up on its desire to read emails and listen to mobile conversations of citizens, and now Lubyanka has reached the less developed regions of the country. So we get equality: a grandmother sending knitted socks to her grandson and a grandson sending an email to his sister are all equal. All under one roof that carefully sniffs out suspicious vibes.

Control over the execution of the order is entrusted to Mordor. Sorry, I misspelled Marder, the Minister of Communications and Mass Communications. Mr. Marder (listen, what kind of name is that, I want to write Mulder, or Mordor and, most importantly, it fits the meaning) from now on, he will communicate with all of us en masse with the secret police.

They may object to me that this is all solely for the purpose of our safety, that all these observations will take place only under conditions “necessary for carrying out operational-search activities.” Yes, no one doubts it. We believe! We just understand that the whole country fully meets these conditions. It's a suspicious country. Over the past decades, I haven’t screwed up anything. She needs an eye and an eye. Either she wants freedom or prosperity. An unreliable entity named Russia.

Let's return to the order, because there are nice nuances there. Databases on postal items, the ability to “seize” everything that comes to the investigator’s mind - this goes without saying. It is especially pleasant that post offices will have special rooms for employees with all amenities. It is in these confessionals that the secrecy of correspondence between citizens of the country, guaranteed by the Constitution of Russia, will be maintained.

True, there are some inconsistencies with the Constitution. The problem is that Article 23, paragraph 2, directly states: “Everyone has the right to privacy of correspondence, telephone conversations, postal, telegraph and other messages. Restriction of this right is permitted only on the basis of a court decision.” There is a problem with this court decision, since the ministerial order does not mention any court decisions. But I am sure that this apparent violation of the constitutional foundations is easily compensated by the interpretation of another clause of the Constitution - Article 19, paragraph 1: “Everyone is equal before the law and the court.” After all, after this decree, complete equality of all citizens was achieved. The mail is read equally by workers, politicians, pensioners, and businessmen. Absolute totalitarian equality.

By the way, about business. Russian entrepreneurs still conduct a significant portion of their correspondence through postal mail. Now they can rest assured about the confidentiality of business information. We know how carefully the security forces store the personal data of citizens - just walk through the nearest trays with computer disks.

The breeders of homing pigeons rejoiced at the order. The demand for their services, as well as for the services of private walkers, will obviously increase. It would be fair to equip cages for the FSB in street dovecotes.

One thing is upsetting about the actions of our security forces. They struggle with the consequences all the time. Tell me, what is the point of keeping an employee at the post office when a letter has been written and sent, if it would be possible to send employees directly to citizens’ apartments - to the places where those very letters were written. All that is needed is to issue an order and force citizens to allocate a room and a cot for the Lubyanka reader. Again - savings. Well, it will be possible to monitor all types of extremism - not only mail, but also voice. And there, you look, behind the mental.

Listen, why are we tormented, let’s make all the citizens of the country FSB officers - that’s all. And there will be no need for these postal rooms, or wiretapping activities, or interrogations and inquiries. Well, what can you do if only these employees are considered their own, and ordinary citizens are already under suspicion. And so much so that in each post office they will allocate a room to spy on them.

First they came for journalists, then for the opposition, then for artists, then for musicians, then for young people who “don’t dress like that.” But now they have come for all the inhabitants of the country. Everyone is the object of operational investigative measures. What is wanted is courage, independence, the ability to think, the ability to sympathize, solidarity, faith, love, patriotism, honesty, sacrifice, soundness. If found, subject to confiscation. They just don’t understand that not everything can be confiscated. They will understand when they themselves become objects of operational search activities. As part of public trials about massive violations of the constitutional rights of Russian citizens.

Photos by RIA Novosti