The last veteran

Moscow, April 2145

V.V. Putin at the workplace. On the table in front of him, the Globe of Ukraine, squeezed by flags of the self -proclaimed republics.

Enters D.A. Medvedev with a folder for a report.

- Vladimir Vladimirovich, do you remember that we have the anniversary of the Second World War on our nose?

- All the WWIs at once? - jokes V.V. Putin.

- The anniversary of the Great Patriotic War. Two hundred years since the Great Victory.

- I remember. Well?

- We have an emergency. The veteran remained alive.

- Fine. What is the problem?

- He is still asking for an apartment.

- Do you have a lens on him?

YES. Medvedev holds out the folder. V.V. Putin reads:

- One knocked out 20 fascist tanks. Put 40 people infantry. Hero!

- Vladimir Vladimirovich, pay attention to the surname.

- Crap! Omelchenko! Topknot! It is no good.

V.V. Putin thinks, biting his lip.

- And if we give him the maiden name of his mother?

- Mother was Rachil Rabinovich.

V.V. Putin thoughtfully leafs through the pages and puts an open folder on the table.

-And in my opinion, everything is not so bad. It’s written ... Yes, he is a crest, but he fought with fascism on the Ukrainian front. We can say that he freed Ukraine from the Jews. Everything will ride normally.

- Agree. The problem is that there are no apartments. If there were apartments, all veterans would have received them for a long time.

- Logical. - V.V. Putin drumming his fingers on the table. - Ask Peskov to say that the Kremlin is not in the know.

- This is impossible. He already said that you are studying the documents.

- Then you need to look for the reason for refusal. Think.

- I think Vladimir Vladimirovich.

- Is he definitely a veteran?

- Exactly.

- Not an impostor? Did you do a genetic examination?

- He practically did not have genetic material. It all consists of prostheses.

- So! Prostheses are probably imported, and we have import substitution. There was a veteran, and became a traitor to the homeland. Instead of awarding, we will arrange a demonstration process. The people will like it.

- I regret it, but Russian prostheses - both arms and legs.

- How does he walk?

- Basically, for yourself.

- So does he have a stomach prosthesis? West?

- Bakovsky factory of rubber products. If you remember, there used to be condoms, and when we introduced grocery antisancations, we switched to stomach prostheses there.

- Conductives? No, I don't remember. Listen, we may not give an apartment. Under the television cameras we will hand him the keys, and then he will immediately take him somewhere. The main thing is that he can thank the president’s veterans, the government, Gazprom, Rosneft, Russian Railways and Arbidol.

- I'm afraid that it will not work. He has only eight kilobytes in his memory, and she is all clogged with thoughts about the apartment.

- Do not grind, add two more kilobytes.

- This is impossible. The memory is also Russian. It works only with the Elbrus processor.

- How much does this veteran weigh?

- About half a ton.

- A difficult problem!

The office includes a man in a jacket with the inscription Intel.

- Vladimir Vladimirovich, it's time to maintain batteries. And the new Putin-42.0 firmware is ready.

- Chenchologist?

- They removed the old turns of speech, added new jokes. For example, "who did not hide, I am not to blame." The tearfulness was reduced, but added luster in the eyes. In general, a lot of things.

V.V. Putin gets up from the table and, hugging the rising D.A. Medvedev’s waist leads to the door.

- Dima, while they reflash me, hold my nuclear suitcase and wallet. Yes, until I forgot ... this veteran has at least something of his own?

- Ear.

- Remember later. It will be necessary to sit down and decide what to say in this ear. Some kind of veteran.


Graphics of Mikhail Zlatkovsky