Hayt parade | Colta.ru

The editors are ready to part with each other, readers and the cultural process until the end of the winter holidays. And there are things that I would like to say goodbye and forever. Today we publish a New Year's list: all that we would not want to face in 2014 (and in any other) year.

Vasily Koretsky, Denis Ruzaev (section "Cinema")

Russian cinema

In 2013, there was no echo left from the new Russian wave: critics could not even decide who to give their prize in order not to put the bar on the ground on the “Kinopodavr”. This year, all new Russian films, in fact, were shot in the genre of cultural apocalypse: the script died, directing torn their heads, the actors turned into a zombie, only Fedor Bondarchuk survived. The great films about the Great War, however, would also like to leave in the past.

Medinsky and its principles for financing Russian cinema

Apparently, finally, having discovered the Russian classics for themselves, in 2013 the Ministry of Culture and the Film Film of Cinema were harassed to do the same focus with filmmakers that the apprentice Fedyushka was doing with the chestnut: “He tied a piece of meat on a thread <...> Then, when she swallowed, he pulled it back with a loud laugh.” The favorite entertainment of the ministry this summer was to circumvent someone good and important (for example, Alexander Mindaze or Kirill Serebrennikov) when distributing financing, cancel the decision after the first signs of mass indignation, and then again play all back under some absurd pretext. And then everything is new.

"Adeli Life"

The most important film of the year (the winners of the Cannes Film Festival are considered to be such) - but in fact a rude, loud craft, shot by the method of grandfather Durov. Director Keshish simply provoked actresses on the set, bringing them to tears, to hysterical - that’s the whole secret of “amazing psychologism”. Endless close -ups, a “provocative” nudity, obsessing fixation on pasta with tomato sauce. If this is a movie today, we are against today.

Closing cinemas in the center of Moscow and St. Petersburg

“Cinema is a little expensive today,” says Greta Gervig in Francis Ha and watches all films on MacBook, just like us. Alas, in 2014, a movie in Moscow and St. Petersburg will become even more expensive. In St. Petersburg, four ancient cinemas on Nevsky closed, closing (like reconstruction) of the cheapest cinema in the center-“Artistic” and one of the main festival venues-“35 mm” are coming in Moscow. All these events initially planned to start and finish in the past year. Alas, you will have to drag them in 2014.

Venice Film Festival

A weak competition, an inexplicable main prize in an unremarkable, torn documentary about Roman ring, almost complete absence of important critics - everyone went to Toronto. In 2014, we also want in Toronto.

Trailers to Nymphomaniac

Trierov Opus Magnum , which again will probably not be porn, but a misanthropic comedy, has not yet been released, and from its many teasers and trailers based on a mechanistic provocation, it already brings cheekbones. It is one thing - when the Danish himself provokes, another - when marketers do it.

Tops, ratings, lists of the best, main and "non -obvious"

7 main films about car racing, 15 best pedophiles of the film screen, 42 hobbies of Sylvester Stallone ... It is clear that readers who do not know that the best sports film of all time is “Rocky” will never be translated, it is incomprehensible which Grinch stole the imagination among the editors of Moscow and St. Petersburg.

Sergey Guskov (section "Art")

Sergey Kapkov

Mr. Kapkov and effective managers are worthy to stay in sad memories of lost time. All Kapkov’s entire activity was to create a facade of well -being and freedom in a country in which neither one nor the other has been observed for a long time. This alone is worthy of an extremely negative assessment and, possibly, a kind of Nuremberg process. As for the campaign for the efficiency in which the most vocal nosers were Kapkov and Minister of Medinsky, this is just a cover for private and bureaucratic interests, the solution of, which is called specific problems, not facing the residents of the country, but to the groups that have seized political and economic power.

Celestial

Ilya Kabakov is somewhat tired. This does not mean that you need to forget about his previous merits. By no means. We are not talking about a mandatory answer or even more so revenge for an unpleasant case associated with Yuri Zlotnikov . You should also not attach excessive importance to the conjunctural projects that the master of Moscow conceptualism has recently been occupied by. Simply, apparently, it makes sense to treat the artist who survived himself: nothing can be done here. Devoting people is dangerous. I don’t know about the distant future, but you should not take it in the closest Kabakov.

Museum tyranny

Some employees and leaders of museums, especially created in the last year or two, tried to do everything possible to talk about them only critically. The most loud were, of course, the battles around censorship in the branches of the Manezh museum association and the State Central Museum of Modern History of Russia . There was something similar in Ukraine: the struggle for power in the National Art Museum , censorship and vandalism in the "Mystetsky Arsenal" . There, artists, activists and junior link in museum employees were consolidated, not wanting to put up with injustice, and as a result, they often sought victories, let them often temporary. I would like the Russian art community to recall the slogan of the Party of Socialist Revolutionaries: in the struggle, you will gain your right. Moreover, it is possible without terrorism.

"Reconstruction"

The destruction of the architectural heritage passed in a very short time to some kind of almost terminal stage- they destroy more, faster, more active and more effective . Nothing is shy, they are not afraid of anyone. And if a destructive request comes from somewhere in the sky-high heights of our state-forming vertical, then there is no chance at all-an example of a stele of freedom in the Alexander Garden is confirmed. Only in rare cases, it turns out to stop this lawlessness .

Spirituality

We are intensively lowered with spirituality and other gospel. This, then, then, one deputy, then the other, or even the Minister of Culture. I think it is unnecessary to explain what I'm talking about. In general, a nightmare. To put an end to this, and quickly.

Denis Boyarinov (section "Modern Music")

"Oh God, what a man"

Hit of musical requests in Yandex for 2013. The song, which triumphantly returned to the radio, Natalya “Wind from the Sea” of Rudin and diagnosed that over decades of growth in the speed of traffic, the musical tastes of Russians were only degrading. Is it worth giving birth to children from such men?

Kanye West

Super Egoniac with great financial capabilities, who truly considers himself a rap god Jizus. The cult of Yizus would be ridiculous if it were not for the bestial seriousness with which he is inflated by many musical publications. The truth is that the best melody in the proclaimed in the sound of the “Yeezus” plate belongs to the Hungarian group Omega - That is, it was written 40 years ago and already 20 years ago a Cerepet with a group of Scorpions .

Lists of the best albums for the year

A fair of snobbery, a collection of collective errors of music journalists, the easiest way to concoct rating material at the end of the year ... Under the article with such a heading, anything can be hidden only a list of the best albums in a year.

Download albums through torrents

Now, when ISTORE , Google Play and Yandex.Musik are working in Russia, you can’t give 10 rubles per month once a month, and 100 for a good record is simply indecent. Do not pay for the listened music is how to kiss without love.

IPhoning at concerts

Instead of applauding your beloved musician, you are a trembling hand by a bad -quality shooting, which is at the same time a hundred spectators and which will then be buried in YouTube . Isn't that strange?

FMS against tourists

Madonna, Lady Gaga, Selena Gomez and Ocean Yelzy ... Who will be brought to clean water by valiant employees of the Federal Migration Service, who can withdraw persons conducting illegal labor activities in the Russian Federation? However, they can be understood - looking for violators at concerts is clearly more fun than in the markets.

Ekaterina Biryukova (section "Academic Music")

Illiterate press releases and advertising annotations for concerts

“Erwin Shtt will help his wife fulfill the most difficult sections of these compositions using his bass, thanks to which a man begins to leave the shadow of his wife's glory” - this text about Netrebko, of course, is a kind of masterpiece. But actually, the sale of classical music by shirnarmsam in our area has recently takes up too wild.

The audience of the historical scene of the Bolshoi Theater

This disaster began after the repair and does not stop so far. This is the most terrible audience in the world. She talks, rustles, creaks, coughs, walks during music and, most importantly, sincerely surprised when you say that this is not necessary. When does it take a picture of the mobile phones all gilding and will finally disappear?

The era of the Great Troubles in Big

The place is the same, the problem is different. The ongoing stream of criminal-administrative top-news from the main theater of the country is, of course, bread for journalists. But already too much.

Slimous chairs in the small hall of the conservatory

In Moscow, it is not rich with halls for chamber music, and in the most important of them this music - as a rule, is quiet - you listen to, as if sitting on an old, collapsing ship deck. We are waiting for replacement with the replacement of the seats and are waiting, and in the meantime, the whole generation will grow under Brahms with a creak.

Gergiev and LGBT activists

I don’t know what needs to be done here, but I want it to somehow end. And then both sides of the conflict look pretty in a fabor.

Gleb Morev (section "Literature")

Literature and state alliance

It would be strange if the era of revengeism, which we have a misfortune to be witnesses, was not marked by attempts to restore the Soviet model of relations between literature and the state - when a generous state takes under the wing of poor writers, expecting grateful loyalty from them. But since the artificial resuscitation of something long and firmly dead always turns into a farce, the current flirting of the writer's community with the authorities took comedic forms: the descendants and relatives of Russian classics-from Dostoevsky to Solzhenitsyn-convened the literary public to meet with Putin. I would like this theater to remain a bad memory.

Investigative criticism

When literature is eager to cling to the Gorodovaya tire - she sincerely wants to be useful to him. And he begins to convey, imagining that its intra-paper showdowns are interesting to the authorities, as the Soviet authorities were once interesting. This is done by tradition in the genre of a critical essay. The employees of the form of forms were especially noted on this path. "Literary newspaper", imagining themselves by the employees of the former body of the SP of the USSR, ed. Party Grafoman A.B. Chakovsky. And they have the same targets: avant -garde and emigrants - from Nabokov to Tsvetkov. However, instead of the Almighty Chakovsky, the now non -partisan form is not needed by anyone. Komsomolets Yu. Polyakov, and therefore all their informational scriptures, so to speak, hang in the air, do not find the addressee - except for the same as they, offended by the literary fate of the poor fellow. I would like this unfortunate monkey of the Soviet agitprop to finally die in the past year.

National bestseller prize

Twelve years ago, the St. Petersburg critic is “scandalist” (by his self-help) Vick. Toporov came up with a literary prize - "National bestseller." The premium mechanism was simple to scandalous, respectively: a group of accidentally selected people, who kind of worthy, but for the most part who had nothing to do with literacy, chose the “Book of the Year”. It was assumed that the navigation of this "bestseller" would provide the author in the future fabulous sales. Fabured sales somehow did not happen, but the scandals turned out to be in abundance: the first “bestseller” was the unreadable opus of Grafoman Prokhanov, the “discovery” of the prize-the writer Donian, who sank into the summer, did not pay money, the organizers were very unprofitable to conduct the jury, and the next laureate-Dmitry Bykov-was pushed by their critical thoughts. And insulted personally immediately after the ceremony. In general, the wedding drank and walked (the magnificent banquet was the only undeniable dignity of the bonus) - it would be time to rest. I would like the St. Petersburg writers to finally find another reason to drink in the winter garden of the Astoria Hotel.

The rest are “nose”, “big book” and “booker”

Looking back at the last year and recalling the short lines of our most noticeable awards, you catch yourself on the feeling that they are all authors and books-merge into a common list, the one united for all premium institutions. The same texts roam from one short-list to another, as if a literary field is not a variegated patchwork blanket, but a dull white sheet. In a word, we are all showed by a large Buker nose. I would like the external variety of bonuses to be filled with internal meaning next year - and that each of them has its own conceptual physiognomy, its own personal selection of authors and texts.

Dmitry Renansky (section "Theater")

Festival boom

The festival boom, which has been talked about in recent years, reached its climax in 2013: oversaturation of the theater market with imported performances, as they say, is evident. The amount, however, does not turn into quality: with rare exceptions-like the metropolitan “territory” or the NET festival-the selectors are betting on proven names and time-legal formats, while it is impossible to find signs of at least some kind of curatorial logic in the vast majority of festival programs.

Scandal as the main genre of the modern Russian scene

Orthodox activists who break the performance at the Moscow Art Theater, vandals at the opening of the anniversary exhibition in the Taganka Theater, Cossacks who threw the pork head of the Hudruka MDT Lev Dodin, and so on, and the like. “Scandal” is the most frequency word in the theater chronicle of the outgoing year. And this seems to explain a lot.

Screen and projector

Used as thoughtlessly and randomly as everywhere, in 2013, they finally became key elements of the scenography of the Russian theater, without which yellowish debutants, venerable directors, and artists with experience cannot think of their practice. Neither those nor others, nor the others, meanwhile, noticed that, due to inept use, a video projection from an indispensable attribute of the current theater turned into a vulgar stamp that had gotten a pointed.

Intrigues in the ballet

Multi -income, the victims of which are the leaders of leading cultural institutions, which flourishes in the country's largest dance companies, corruption, suffocating Les Liaisons Dangeers and attempts by physical reprisals with competitors either by the stage, or by illegal business: it seems that the subject of “The art of intrigues” should be included in the curriculum of choreographic schools and teachers of the articulation and schools With some characteristic dance and solfeggio-that the future prima and premieres can easily live in the world of large ballet.

Tightness of the theater

Judging by the posters of the outgoing year, the notebooks of Khudruks and directors of large and small drama theaters have not been updated for years: the Russian theater is cooked in its own juice, it has already been cooked - it urgently needs blood transfusion and renewal of personnel.

Anna Golubeva (section "Media")

Rumors about the dismissal of K. Ernst, O. Dobrodeev and V. Kulistikov , Gently arising at the beginning and end of each television season, as well as in the days of doubt, painful thoughts, snowfalls. And so the last fifteen years. Well, they will leave, so what? No one will notice, nothing will change. And if, say, D. Kiselev, A. Mamontov and B. Korchevnikov will be appointed to their places, it will become even more fun.

A sincere desire to take part in the recording of a television talk show from adults, sane, literate literacy of people who eager to convey their point of view to the broad masses. With the subsequent sincere indignation that everything was cut out, distorted, and did not show at all.

The universal indignation of the Rain television channel , which replaces universal admiration for the Rain TV channel .

The chattering of a fingered chain

The links in an euclidean order are already the norm, everyone is used to it. But the dismissal directly by whole editions and concerns , the closure of archives, the confluence of assets and other joys of the 13th year is no longer a chain, but a fucking chain carousel. And when the ancestor of the shirt chain, dismissed twice in two years, making a double somersault, returns to the point of first dismissal - this is not a chain, but a fucking Mobius.

Увлечение письменных медиа лайками , цитируемостью и прочими количественными оценками. ТВ этим увлеклось еще раньше (рейтинги) — и мы все видим, куда его это привело.

Финансирование Общественного телевидения России. Надо все-таки иметь милосердие. Полгода позора — вполне достаточный срок, все уже всё осознали и больше не будут.

PS

Еще хочу оставить в уходящем 2013 году сочинскую Олимпиаду-2014. Дорогой Дедушка Мороз, сделай как будто она уже была.