Chechnya through her eyes

Natalya Estemirova, 1959–2009, was a key figure in the human rights movement in Chechnya. Since 1999, she began working as a journalist and human rights activist in the Organization of Prisoners of Filtration Camps, since 2000 she has been an employee of the Memorial Center in Chechnya. . Anna Politkovskaya (2007). She left a daughter. Newsweek got her own account of her life, captured on audiotape a year ago. Here is its shortened version:

• I was born in the Urals, I came to Chechnya when I was 19, because my father is a Chechen and my mother is Russian. The relations between the peoples within the republic were not always unambiguous. I can definitely judge that among the Russian-speaking population there was a slightly dismissive attitude towards the Chechens.

The problem of the present time is that at that time many Chechens were forced to suppress their national identity in order to maintain good relations. In the end it gave such an explosion. I have two nationalities, and more than once I had to make remarks to Russians who said: “Natasha, we don’t consider you a Chechen.” I said: "No, I'm a Chechen." At the same time, I had to cut off Chechens who spoke badly about Russians.

1991–1994 DUDAYEV'S PERIOD

I agree with what Khasbulatov said: Russia has lost the moral right to Chechnya. But our independence actually failed in 1991. I remember huge crowds of people who used to be covens, the lower classes of society, but now they felt themselves on horseback and sought to humiliate others.

My assessment of Dudayev has not changed, I saw that this person would bring trouble to the republic. And so it happened. I understood that independence is not won, but built. Briefly describe that period - it was a mess. People were disoriented, they became angrier, more indifferent.

The intelligentsia absolutely did not support what was happening in the republic, at the same time, many of my relatives supported Dudayev. We argued a lot, but did not reach an open quarrel, our family relations were not interrupted due to some political differences. Disappointment prevailed.

Legality as such collapsed, the observance of laws by the state and the protection of citizens were practically reduced to zero. But then the power of customs grew, which helped to keep society, did not allow criminals to roam.

Of course, it was worth fearing for your life. For example, I heard then in Chechnya: “Get out to your Russia!”, And in Russia, when I came to my mother, I heard: “Get out to your Chechnya!”.

1994–1996 FIRST WAR

I left Chechnya in October 1993. I wanted my baby to be born [under normal conditions]. She returned two years later. Of course, I was in absolute indignation: how could troops be brought in! I took it as a personal tragedy.

The most important thing then was to live through this time, to somehow survive there, to save the school, the children who still remained, to save the opportunity to teach. It was hard. We lived in a one-room apartment on the first floor, where there were no bars, nothing. And [my daughter's] father said: “Maybe give you a needle grenade if someone climbs at night so that you can defend yourself?” I said that I would not dare to detonate this grenade, so it’s better not to. Probably, by some kind of grace of God, we were kept and survived.

There is no justification for the actions of the federal authorities. Now this victim was my homeland. And I am sure that the resistance of the first war was fully justified. The population supported the militants during the hostilities, that is, until 1995. And then everyone wanted peace.

1996–1999 THE PERIOD OF MASKHADOV

The war ended, and it was perhaps the best time. People survived such a danger, remained alive, there was such an upsurge that everyone literally fell in love with each other.

But disappointment quickly set in. Everything began to change, and all evil spirits climbed. There were no pensions, there was no salary, and there was no serious work to organize it all.

I still worked at the school, there was no income. I earned money by private lessons, sewing pleated skirts. There were moments of despair. Everything was calculated for me: a girl must eat one egg, carrot, porridge a day. Of course, I was afraid of hunger, I was afraid that someone would break in - the increase in crime was the strongest. I was afraid all the time.

Complete darkness set in in public life, democracy was curtailing more and more, crime was on the rise, laws ceased to operate - first secular, then folk customs. And then a kind of crime appeared, which had not been in Chechnya before - kidnapping. Under Dudayev, this type of crime did not exist - it was adopted from the federals, who traded both the living and the dead. It was they who opened these valves, showed that it was possible, tore the taboo from this type of crime. I started to deal with the problems of those who went through the filters. It unequivocally reminded me of the situation with those who returned from the fascist camps.

Of course, Maskhadov no longer influenced the state of affairs in Chechnya at that time. Basaev, Raduev, Baraev were very influential. Then the introduction of Shariah, Shura, etc. began. And it was clear that they, in fact, did not give a damn about the religious part of this matter, it was important for them to establish their power in this way. In 1996-1999 the Chechen Republic was not a part of Russia and not a separate state. Chechnya was a hole.

1999–2003 SECOND WAR

I understood that I didn’t want to be bombed a second time, that I needed to run away with my child. But there was no money. And suddenly my neighbor Satsita says: "Natasha, take 500 rubles." Although I did not expect that I would ever give them away. With this money, I left. My daughter was five years old, and for the first time I taught her to lie, because for a child from five years old it was necessary to take a ticket. I asked her to say that she is not yet five.

It's a shame that I could never freely love my daughter, I was afraid for her all the time. The fact that I became a human rights activist is also, it seems to me, a maternal feeling, I just felt so sorry for these people who went through the filters, I was so indignant at what was happening.

I remember how I entered [New] Aldy on March 20, 2000, it was an absolutely dead village. We identified 47 victims, but of course there were more. The contractors went and killed everyone in a row. And a month and a half after that, people were in shock, they only spoke to me in a whisper. The most terrible impressions from the Aldov are the bloody rags that a woman hangs up after her murdered husband.

The reburial that I had… A man is digging up the corpse of his brother. His whole face is wet, and he digs, digs. Then he gets out, squats down, puts his head in his hands. Then these corpses, already strongly decomposed, were transferred to one house. I have never approached a corpse before, but here they are in such a terrible state, and I need to take photographs for documentation. I was in a kind of daze.

I, perhaps, can say that I have become angrier, more uncompromising. I had to ask myself the question: have I become something like the paparazzi, who are sure to catch a sensation. I thought that the most important thing is that [nothing] should not go unnoticed, that it should not be forgotten.

2003–2009 RECOVERY PERIOD

When they said that [Akhmat] Kadyrov decided to become [president], it seemed that it was good - after all, he is a Chechen, he will take care of it. Very soon they realized that there was no concern on his part. Now the assessment has not changed, only the problem has become deeper. His son, who is now putting the republic in the deepest hole, is a continuation of the misfortune that he bore.

The bombings stopped, mass cleansing began. Then targeted cleansings, disappearances, kidnappings, and torture problems began. This has been the case since 2000, but then it became more.

I wanted it all to end so that I could live in peace. Over the past five years, only the fact that the daughter is growing has changed. I loved my profession as a teacher, but now I feel that [my new job] is just needed here. This period, the last 17–20 years of my life, I lived very hard, but I think that I helped someone survive. And this is the most important thing for me.

The republic now has an authoritarian, criminal and very corrupt regime. People see the speedy resolution of their issues not in the normal process that should be when you need housing and behave normally [in society]. All these questions should be [addressed] to Ramzan, Ramzan will decide, no matter what. This regime is criminal because now a person cannot find protection from crime.

Psychology and morality have changed a lot. There was a lot of hypocrisy, hypocrisy, cowardice. It turned out that people who carried the best features in themselves died, they are no more. Only those who tried to survive survived. If we talk about the psychology of the snake and the falcon, now the opportunistic psychology of the snake prevails.

In order for the Chechen Republic to be able to develop harmoniously in the political, legal and economic space of Russia, the leadership of Russia must change radically.

I know that a severe crisis awaits us. Now there are prerequisites for the resumption of hostilities. Too many weapons and too few brains attached to it.