In the economy

Notes of madness

December 16, 2008 Anton Oresh

If in “this difficult time” we will stop smiling, then completely a khan. The greatest nonsense, as you know, are made with a smart expression on the face. But the crisis has already generated so many jokes! You noticed that there were fewer jokes in the previous time, and some of them were all untold. And with a socio-political bias, they just died out completely. The crisis forces citizens, tensing, relaxing. The last few jokes I really liked.

- by order of the Federal Service for Financial Markets, the fall of less than 8% is considered to be growth.

- 2010. For the first time in the year, bidding at the MICEX were opened. In order to avoid possible speculation, the exchange was opened at night and only 10 minutes. But during this time, irresponsible brokers managed to reduce indices by another 25%.

- In Russia, the death penalty was replaced by a mortgage at 25% per annum.

By the way, have you noticed how many traineers have appeared in different organizations lately? This is a myth that only the most experienced and qualified on the occasion of the crisis will remain in the crisis. Experienced and qualified - they are more expensive. Here is an example for you. In one television company there is a reduction (this is no longer a joke). The news editor with salary (conditionally) is dismissed at $ 1,000. Instead, they take three (!) Benes - 300 bucks each. There is saving, plus hope that three fools will somehow do what one smart did. As a result, the work is paralyzed. Because the quality of the work is proportional to the number of fools who fulfill it. Although the savings are still evident. Plus, two new jobs have been created. In this regard, official data on the reduction in unemployment that caused such public bewilderment do not seem distorted to me.

More about interns. I completed the payment of many years of car loan. You can pay, as you know, in rubles and in currency. That is, for repayment there are two different counts. And with the final reckoning, it is necessary that both accounts are clean to a penny. And now I defended for several hours in line to the cherished operator. I sit down, call all my data. And the work boiled. A 40 minutes (!) Girl tried to ruble from the ruble account “Shine” with dollars from the dollar. That is, simply transfer dollars into rubles. The operation consisted of two mathematical actions. Finally, after an academic hour, she said: "Sorry, I can’t count it." And smiled at me. I also smiled at her and still asked to somehow refresh the school curriculum in my head, because otherwise I would not go anywhere anyway. She refreshed. I sent my payment to the cash desk, smiled again. And at the box office it turned out that the girl credited the money to both the ruble and the foreign exchange account, and that I simply do not have such amounts to pay off the loan.

A great interview was given by the newspaper Sport-Express, head of Russian Railways Yakunin. The poor fellow-correspondent of this and that and he asked him about the adversity of the Lokomotiv sponsored Russian Russian Railway, into which tens of millions of dollars and euros, and the team plays worse. Yakunin was magnificent. From the series "You want to put me at a dead end with your questions - then I will put you in a dead end with my answers." In response to specific questions about the football team, Yakunin discussed either about patriotism, then about the Russian Railways basketball sports day among schoolchildren in the Southern Federal District. Apotheosis reached the dialogue at the end.

Question: "How do you relate to reproaches that Lokomotiv receives assistance from the state structure?"

Answer (italics mine. - A.O. ): “The football club does not receive assistance from the state structure. OJSC " Russian Railways " has long ceased to be state construction . This is a market company with the highest investment ratings that enjoy great respect among Western investors and has nothing to do with state structures. Except that this is a company, a hundred percent of the shares of which belong to the state . ”

I laughed like crazy.

From the local, near Moscow. Not far from my relatives, the rich lives in a monumental structure, popularly called the “cannibal lock”. Indeed, it is very similar to classical illustrations to the "Wizard of the Emerald City." Once a house with a boiler room and a pipe, like a thermal power plant, by towers and a fence, almost a regiment guarded. The spotlights were grabbed from the darkness of all those who pass at least some nearby. Particularly picturesque in the light of the spotlights, the villagers who celebrated a small need looked. But the crisis came. There was a rumor that "Sh. In the foreign exchange market, it was not a damn thing." And soon Sh. See himself in line to the grocery tent. And a little later in the neighboring gardens from apple trees, they began to shoot monkeys! It turned out that Sh. In his castle lived monkeys and crocodile. Now the monkeys are ruined by the gardens. Where now the crocodile is, it’s even scary to imagine.