How Daniil Bernoulli and I dried underwear

Once upon a time, in 1992, I weaned in English a joking note on how much electricity could be saved if everyone stopped ironing. The English-speaking friends liked the note, and they recommended sending it to the NEW Scientist Scientific-Popular magazine. By my amazement, they printed a note, provided a funny picture and even paid a decent fee. The note caused lively response of readers who completely consisted with me, and a Japanese businessman informed that he launched the production of male shirts that did not require ironing into the series. Since then I have been buying only them.

Twenty years later, in October 2012, I suddenly received an electronic message from a correspondent unknown to me. The author of a very kind letter, the Englishman, reported that he had once read my note about the dangers of laundry ironing, inspired by her, stopped ironing and forbade his wife, and then made a fundamental invention, which would forever get rid of electric drums, which were also unflattering in my essay. My unexpected correspondent assured that he would be happy to meet me, since he would soon be in Germany in negotiations with one of the largest German chemical firms regarding the introduction of his invention.

I also worked in Germany, before the specified respected company, there was only a couple of hours by car, and therefore I was happy to accept the invitation. It was very pleasant that my prank of the pen pushed someone into an important invention.

On the lunch, arranged by the inventor by the employees of the respected German company, I was late, and I got only a dessert. Met me very warmly. The inventor, who turned out to be a short, dense and very nimble middle -aged guy, began to loudly tell everyone how he was inspired by my immortal opus about irons, and everyone looked at me with tenderness, forgetting about his well -ironed shirts and costumes.

The older man sitting nearby introduced himself as a commercial director of the company created by the inventor. Then I finally presented the case to ask, and what, in fact, is the essence of the invention. The businessman pouted and answered:

“We are still patenting him, but I can tell you.” This is a fundamentally new linen dryer based on the Bernoulli Law.

Such a statement strongly puzzled me, and then approximately the following dialogue took place.

- How exactly does this dryer work?

- Well, this is not in my competence. I'm a businessman. I said it works according to the law of Bernoulli. Talk to the inventor if you want to find out the details.

- And who is he in his specialty?

- Previously, he was a car mechanic, but now he founded a company to promote his invention to the market. This great German company was already interested in them, because we are here in order to discuss the details of production.

After a very lousy coffee, we went out into the air to smoke. Fortunately, the inventor also turned out to be smoking, and I immediately flew up to him, thanking for the invitation. Then he carefully asked if he could tell me about his invention.

I was carefully interested in, because as before, I knew how the inventors protect their ideas before receiving a patent. However, he was not going to hide anything and, bursting with pride, immediately told me the story of his epoch -making discovery.

His wife left him (I would like to think, not because he forbade her to iron). It would seem that one with whom does not happen! But she left, leaving him two young children. And this happens. The single father tried his best to take care of his offspring, and therefore he had to wash a lot. He had no money for an electric drying drum, and the weather in England, as you know, is rather rainy, therefore, he dried children's and other things on the ropes stretched out in the garage.

And then he somehow noticed that the laundry dries much faster if the door in the garage remains open. Further experiments showed that drying is even more successful if a small window is open in the opposite from the garage door. As the British say, “The Penny Dropped”, that is, a man lit up. He decided that linen was dry faster because the garage door was large and the window was small. And then everything was simple and obvious: it is necessary to make a large cap in the form of a funnel cut in half (along the axis of symmetry), so that an expanding half -lean is over the usual wire dryer, and on the other, a narrow tube emerging from it. As a result, according to his representation, the air should have been blowing from a wide part to a narrow part and carry moisture from underwear.

Whether he himself thought of drinking Bernoulli's law or someone suggested him, I could not find out, but I didn’t really try. I was just very interested in what would follow.

The inventor spoke with great respect for Bernoulli and his law, as an uncle, who left him a decent inheritance. Nevertheless, again, carefully, I asked what, in his opinion, the wording of this law.

“It's quite difficult,” he answered arrogantly, “this is physics.”

I could not resist and blurted out that I suddenly understand, because I am a physicist by education.

Then the inventor was chilled and silent. I thought that he began to fear, how I, realizing what the essence of the invention and possessing some knowledge in physics, did not steal his idea. But he soon admitted that he himself was not very in the know, but the consultants who knew the case assured that Bernoulli's law was on his side. And the lawyer on the patent part undertook to apply for an application, so everything is in order with science. That's why one of the largest German companies only dreams of making money at his invention.

Let me remind you that the law of Bernoulli is a direct consequence of the law of conservation of energy, about which old Daniil had no idea, but he noticed the features of the pressure in the flow of moving liquid or gas. The law of Bernoulli works, for example, in a manual spray gun, which my dad used in time immemorial, irrigating himself after shaving the Shipr cologne.

All carrier drivers know that it is worth opening a window in a traveling car, as smoke from the cab is stretched out. And for this the glorious Daniil Bernoulli, who died in 1782. They say that there were cases when two too close to parallel courses of the ship were attracted to each other and encountered sides, because the movement of the water flow between them caused a drop in the gap between the sides and the uncontrolled rapprochement of the vessels.

I knew all this, and therefore I asked the inventor, and due to which the air movement would be created (I almost asked about the pressure gradient, but in time I resisted the pronunciation of the sophisticated words). The inventor sighed, surprised at my incomprehensibility, because he explained everything to me about Bernoulli. I opened my mouth to dispel his unrealistic and awkward dreams, but then we were called to sit around the cars, and we drove through the gigantic territory of the concern to the place where further gatherings were supposed to take place.

I would gladly go home so as not to witness the inventor’s poor man to put his face on the table, amusing himself over his ignorance, but it was embarrassed to disappear immediately after lunch, even though I got only a dessert, besides, the inventor really asked not to leave, obviously wanting to enjoy his triumph. There was nothing to do, I stayed and watched the discussion with great interest.

In front of me at an elegant table in a modern conference room, equipped with the latest technology, they sat with half a dozen purely shaved, in the type of civilized and educated people. Judging by the business cards of the receiving German side, there were chef of chemists, a chief based on materials, a sales chief, a chief in finance, not counting a pair of specialists in a computer three -dimensional graphics, which was required to design complex details of a future revolutionary dryer.

All of them, apparently, at one time graduated from higher educational institutions, where they were supposed to teach at least the basics of elementary physics. But if they were taught, then physics flew through them like a neutrino - it entered one ear, it turned out into the other. None of the high -ranking and highly paid Germans doubted the performance of the design proposed for the production. They were only interested in what production volumes could be, which should be expected, what potential sales markets are (they spoke about the US for breaths, probably imagining the courtyards of farms on the vast expanses of Texas, which are entirely laid down by their revolutionary products).

It was discussed how the optimal weight should be so that any housewife could independently, without the help of her husband, to install her dryer on the lawn behind the house (for some reason it never occurred to them that in Texas it was enough to hang linen on a regular rope-and it would immediately dry out without any sophisticated dryer), and how to fix it in case of a particularly strong wind. Specialists in computer graphics turned three -dimensional intricate details on a huge display, consulting with the inventor, where they can be made thinner and where it is thicker. The financial chef showed an approximate annual budget on the screen, the chief on materials evaluated the required masses of different plastics produced by their company, and on the go thought where and what to save on to reduce the cost of the product. Et cetera, et cetera.

The longer I listened, the more sad. These formed formed and civilized people in seriousness discussed how to release and sell something in principle unable to work. I was perplexed, did none of all these big leaders, before starting all this bodyagon, asked if the proposed product would work. It turned out that they were completely satisfied with the assurances of the inventor and his commercial director, confirmed by certain conclusions of certain experts and a patent application.

I waited for a break and, drinking quite decent coffee, informed the chief Germans that, alas, I should leave them, because the affairs of the service are above all (in fact, I wanted to keep up with the European Championship, where with someone, I don’t remember who was played by the German national team). I came up to say goodbye to the inventor. He sorry for my hand with fervor, assured me in eternal appreciation for my note, which led him to such an epoch -making invention, and promised that in a year his revolutionary dryer would be sold in all stores in the world, and I can count on one of the first samples completely free of charge.

It’s a shame to recall this, but in parting, annoyed by everyone what I saw and angry at myself that I did not have the spirit to explain to all this public, what kind of nonsense they were engaged in, I advised the inventor not to exchange for some dryers there, but to think that if you make it in a harness cut in the size of each house, then from them, according to it, according to it, according The invention will have to constantly blow air, which can be forced to twist the turbine that generates electricity. Then all the problems of energy, and at the same time global warming, will be resolved.

The inventor thought for a couple of seconds, and then he took a breath from the opening prospects, and his eyes lit up. He began to reap his hand even more and oathly assureing me that he would not forget to invite me to the board of directors of the company, which would engage in the implementation of my idea. They said goodbye to that.

Almost ten years have passed since then, but I have not seen neither revolutionary dryers, nor funnel -shaped home -made eternal windmills. The inventor was no longer declared anymore.

I'll wait yet. What are our years ...

PS I did not mention the name of a giant concern out of fear of being attracted to court for slander.

Vitaly Matsarsky