Best jokes of the week

The experiment continues - we are publishing two of the best jokes from the Anekdot.Ru website at once . The first of these is the "people's choice" over the past week, which received a total of 499 votes. The other was revealed through internal voting. Compare:

1 . At an appointment with a psychiatrist.
- Doctor, every night I see the same nightmare dream: my mother-in-law with a crocodile on a leash. Just imagine these bared teeth, these narrowed eyes and a gaze burning with hatred, this cold, bumpy skin!!!
- Yes, indeed, very scary...
- Wait a minute, I haven’t told you about the crocodile yet!...

2. One guy had a bad foreign car under his window. One day he goes outside to his car, and on the side is scrawled: “Man, paint the car!” He decided: “Indeed, it’s high time to paint it.” I went to the car service center and did everything right. The car is nice and shiny. The next morning he goes out to his “swallow”, and on the side is scratched: “Now it’s a different matter!”