Valence of girls and the power of women

On November 5, at Novosibirsk State University, an anti -scientific conference that has already become a traditional anti -scientific conference was held. Its organizers and participants are sure that they not only laugh and have fun in such a strange way, but also popularize a scientific approach, fight pseudoscience and force scientists to treat their research “without animal seriousness”.

All faculties of NSU have its own “chip”: the GUMFAK became famous not only at the university, but also throughout the world with a “total dictation”, Mehmat and geologists are trying to repeat the feat of the GUMFAK with a completely successful introduction of the “control sum” and the “contour map”. Physicists are known in Novosibirsk not only to their comedic club “Quant”, but also by an anti -scientific conference, annually held by this very club. The creators of the conference compare it with the Shnobel Prize in science. Not very serious at first glance, but very exciting. Of course, the conference participants for the most part of serious studies such as Shnobelevka nominees do not conduct. But they do not ask for money for their research. An anti-scientific conference of NSU in the 1980s appeared. And since then, successfully has existed for the joy of students and young scientists. This year, eight speakers took part in the conference. Physicists, economist, mathematician and even the humanitarian raised anti -scientific problems such as the search for friends and the formation of a strong sleep from students at the scientific conference, the valence of girls and the analysis of the poetry of modern popes, the methods and laws of the anti -jacket, and even the potential of schoolchildren.

The third place of the strict jury awarded Danila Tretyakov’s report on imported physics. Danila quite logically reasoned that at a time when the country refuses a number of imported products, medicines, techniques, physicists should also listen to politicians: to formulate individual laws in a new way and introduce their own, original Russian units. So, he proposed to consider the law on the preservation of energy as the equivalent of the proverb “Baba with a cart, mare is easier”. The law on the preservation of the impulse: "What you sow, you will reap." The first law of Newton in the new formulation sounds: “The dog barks, the caravan is coming. The dog is silent, the caravan is at rest or uniform-straight-down movement. ” The second law of Newton: “There is no mind - you don’t need a mind, we need a mass and acceleration”, Newton’s third law: “As it comes up and will respond.” Instead of the Latin word “second”, Danil proposed to introduce the concept of “fun”, “kelvina” to replace with “underplastes” (measuring the temperature on the street, for example, how many undergans should be put on), moths are used to assess the amount of “large size”, “especially large size” and “for personal use”. Tretyakov remembered Nekrasov lines about a Russian woman who can stop the horse's horse. Based on these lines, so popular among the people, the speaker suggested that the power of one woman is equal to one horse force, i.e., 735.5 watts. The speaker very modestly prescribed the Minister of Education and Science Livanov as his supervisor. True, the speaker does not give a clear response to the question from the hall about the number of underpants.

Pavel Kirilenko, another physicist, whose report on the potential of the student took second place, caused a hum of approval in the hall, comparing the school with a potential pit. As the speaker noted in order to overcome it, it is necessary to accumulate the desired energy for a certain amount of time (namely 11 years). The process can be accelerated, but this requires additional energy. You can fall from this energy pit into an even deeper one, such as vocational schools. The main source of the student’s nutrition, according to the speaker, is a grandmother. But Paul suggested measuring the potential "Virgins." Depending on the potential and some other characteristics, Kirilenko distinguishes six types of schoolchildren, named in the same way as quarks. Charming and strange schoolchildren stand out intuitively, lovely and true can be determined by exclusion (some with exclusion cry, others are very happy), and the territorial component affects the appearance of the lower and upper ones.

The winner of the anti -scientific conference student of Mehmat Anna Plaksienko tried to scientifically justify folk signs. Looking at the black cat, which, having crossed the road, as you know, leads to misfortunes, Anna noticed that cats eat a lot and sleep. At the same time, no one has ever seen thick black cats running through the streets. This means that in these cats, mass and density should grow with constant volume. What gives us the right to compare black cats with black holes. “Such a cat has endless density and high speed, it twists space and time, paraboloids and hyperboloids are formed. From my own experience I can say that they have never brought happiness to anyone, ”Plaksienko assured the audience.

Anna proved the statement of the unlucky number of 13 from the opposite. Suppose 13 is a happy number. So, 13 pairs a day, 13 exams per session, 13 neighbors in the room are happiness. Having reached a clear contradiction, Anna suggested considering the sign proved.

Among the Humanitarians, the response was a speech by a student of the Faculty of Humanitarian Faculty of NSU Anna Ivanyutenko “Contextual analysis of modern Russian song poetry”. “I think that Anna did not take prizes only because the jury consisted of physicists,” Elizabeth, a historian in a degree in the impression of Elizabeth. - Anna not only managed to “pull” and laugh at the subject of research of philologists, but also grab them with the manner of submitting information. If Anna repeats her report for a more humanitarian audience, I think she will be successful. ” In her report, Ivanutyenko undertook to prove that the works of Russian popes have a deep internal connection with the traditions of Russian literature. So, in the songs of Yegor Creed, she managed to see the connection with Pushkin and Blok, in the songs of the Sultan-Uragan-the chronotope of the road. Dirgining the song (called in the report by the ballad) “We are going to the neighboring village at the disco”, Anna managed to find all the signs of a fairy tale on Proppa with the Hero-Helicoper (Daddy's Victory), a magical remedy (phonotek), etc. Anna assured the audience that these verses even send us to Tolkien and then it became clear to the heroes’s task Leave from a neighboring village without a ring ...

I could not deny myself the pleasure of asking the organizers of the conference and members of the jury whether such events produce an impedial approach. The sympathy for me to everyone who managed to ask a question was noticeably diminished ... “Firstly, the false scientists do not just fantasize, they earn money in this way,” snapped the chairman of the jury. -Secondly, this is still primarily a humorous event. And a sense of humor has never harmed a real scientist. And finally, despite all the frivolity of reports, the two out of the three were able to maintain a strict scientific approach to the object of their study. ”

Photo a . Davltgildeeva ,
Press Service of the NSU