‘I have no emotions left’

A former investigator on how the Russian press and justice system tried to blame her for her own rape

In 2018, in the Russian city of Ufa, right at the police station, three officers raped a 23-year-old investigator named Gulnaz Fatkhlislamova. The case drew widespread media attention in Russia, and, a year later, courts sentenced the men to prison. After a successful appeal, a second guilty verdict, and another appeal, all three men soon found themselves free. In addition to living through the ordeal itself, Gulnaz was fired, faced media harassment, and was forced to participate in agonizing courtroom proceedings. She spoke about these experiences in an interview with BBC News Russian. Meduza is retelling her story in English.

This story contains discussions of sexual assault.

A media frenzy

Gulnaz Fatkhlislamova joined the Ufa police force right out of college. She’d been working as an investigator for just a month and a half when she was raped. “If I hadn’t been a brave person in my own right, I probably wouldn’t have filed a report,” Gulnaz says. She thinks her story got so much attention because the accused were police officers.

Following the assault, Gulnaz says she became “disillusioned with journalistic ethics.” Initially, she didn’t want to speak with the press. “First of all, it was hard,” she explains. “Second of all, I didn’t want to be in the spotlight, so that people wouldn’t say I’m trying to capitalize on this for attention.” According to her, when she stayed silent, publications tried to hound her into answering their questions, and people who claimed to know her disparaged her character to the media. However, after the Republic of Bashkortostan Supreme Court acquitted two of the three men accused in the case, she started speaking to reporters.

Gulnaz says that the press, especially the regional media, essentially sided with the perpetrators and seemed to relish what happened to her. One article started with the following description:

Ufa police officers know how to brighten up gray workdays. The recipe is simple — arrange a fine banquet! And it doesn’t matter that it’s a Tuesday, or that subordinates are working on the other side of the wall. […] Well, and the young Gulnaz should be the highlight of the table.

The trial itself became a way for journalists to “boost ratings,” even though sexual violence cases are supposed to be held in closed sessions in Russia. In court, a defense lawyer had Gulnaz draw the layout of the room where she was raped. The next day, a headline appeared on a local news site: “In an Ufa court, the ex-investigator drew the way she was raped on the board.” Another article described the hearing as “quite creative.”

Under Russian law, journalists aren’t allowed to print the names of victims of violent crimes. But a Russian tabloid published materials from the investigation: photographs of Gulnaz in her underwear during a medical examination and screenshots of her personal correspondence. In one of the documents, her name could be made out.

Gulnaz blames the forced publicity for her inability to find a job and rebuild her life elsewhere. She tried moving to Moscow but was recognized there too. “It was a shock that I was known even in Moscow. Of course, everyone said they supported me, but no one showed it through [their] actions. I couldn't make it in Moscow, actually. I had little experience, and it was difficult to find my footing. So, I came back,” she shares.

Blaming the victim

Gulnaz attributes the media’s success in swaying public opinion against her to her own “lack of courage and resolve” to speak up for herself. She believes the fact that she was drinking on the day of the assault has made her less sympathetic in the eyes of the public.

Moreover, alcohol was the official reason given for her dismissal from the police force. There was no mention of the fact that she’d been summoned to the department by her boss, or that the three men, who were her superiors, had demanded junior employees drink with them. In an internal investigation, Gulnaz’s colleagues claimed she’d behaved “provocatively” at a corporate event a month earlier. She says this judgment was applied to the circumstances of the assault. “In the official report, they wrote, ‘She got herself into a state where she couldn’t control her actions, which led to the ‘emergency,’” Gulnaz explains. “And the ‘emergency’ was a crime against me.”

She tried to challenge her dismissal in court but was unsuccessful. Instead, the Russian Interior Ministry sued Gulnaz for the 600,000 rubles ($6,460) it spent on her education. (She was reportedly required to work with the police for five years after the completion of her studies.) The court ordered Gulnaz to pay back the money and froze her accounts.

During the criminal case, the defense argued that Gulnaz was to blame for what happened. She says lawyers claimed she was “prone to drinking alcohol” and “sexually promiscuous.” Even more shocking, Gulnaz adds, is that the people portraying her this way are “almost three times” her age. She describes the ordeal as “humiliating.”

According to Gulnaz’s lawyer, the defendants had 10 lawyers who asked Gulnaz around 800 questions, many of which were irrelevant to the crime. During the trial, they asked her about her menstrual cycle, if she’d ever had anal sex, if she had STDs, and if she had sex with women. They also asked her to draw how she was raped. After the trial, Gulnaz filed a complaint against one of the lawyers, Aslyam Khalikov. In 2022, the court suspended his law license for five years, but this, too, was overturned by the Republic of Bashkortostan Supreme Court.

Despite the fact that the men are now free, Gulnaz believes she achieved justice: “People were punished, people were in prison. That’s already a big achievement in terms of justice. I managed to accomplish this, through all of my tears and attending every court session.”

Now 28 years old, Gulnaz still lives in Ufa. She earns a living through her private legal practice, though she dreams of a career in music. She’s studying sound engineering at a local college and releases her songs and videos on social media. She says she didn’t seek psychological help after the assault, but “worked on [herself] on her own.” She describes her parents and her lawyer, Irina Valieva, as her main support.

Reflecting on the ordeal, Gulnaz says it has fundamentally shaped her as a person:

I have no emotions left, actually. I cried it all out in those courtrooms back then. Overall, I’ve accepted the fact that it happened and it can’t be erased from my life. I just want to live and do beautiful things. Well, okay, I have this stain in my past, so what? It means I’m made up of my imperfect stories. Everyone has some flaw, and perhaps, this is mine. But I don’t consider it a flaw. I wouldn’t have this kind of character, these views about the world, and people in general, if this hadn’t happened to me.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of rape or sexual assault, please reach out to one of the following resources for support:

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (for U.S. readers)

Rape Crisis Network Europe (for E.U. readers)

Canadian Resource Centre for Victims of Crime (for Canadian readers)

Interview by Nina Nazarova for BBC News Russian

English-language version by Emily ShawRuss