Translated material
Poems
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...
With rough prose to poetry
I translate jokes.
Maybe this is useless business
In vain I am translating paper?
The goal is not a translation with a fee.
Maybe with excessive conceit
I think this translation
Still not simple, but with an increase!
..
Probably no one will doubt
That sex lies at the beginning of all the start.
- You, dear, promised to marry me!
- Why did I not promise you!
...
A middle -aged man called the shit.
Said affably:
- I am your neighbor.
She said only the phrase in response:
- Are you from above or below?
- What, right right away?
...
He invited the neighbor to drink in the morning.
Says: "I do not drink. I do not take in my mouth!"
I will go to the neighbor, only he will leave.
She definitely drinks and takes in her mouth!
...
Shared impressions alone,
The recently married citizen:
- At least myself, friends, I'm not an intellectual,
He married an intellectual ardent.
She willingly make a blowjob
But in his mouth takes my "sausage" with a fork!
...
Twice in life, men are upset.
And there are good reasons for this.
So the first time our hero is upset,
When he first cannot be in the second.
And since the second one is brought up by his nerves,
When he cannot be in the first in the first!
...
Celebrated the anniversary of the general.
And one of the ladies said to him:
- Are you 70 years old?
I would not give you, no!
The general decided to admit in response:
- I don't ask for about 15 years!
...
A pensioner of a pensioner met,
Walking in the square day of the weather:
- Well, how do you live in the world?
- We live well, so far we can!
Thinking "he leads me in vain",
Asked with a grin:
- Is it good?
And he sighed, not feeling a catch:
- It turns out well, but it comes in badly!
...
The husband asked angrily:
- Where did you drink?
He wanted to file the legs of the table.
And his wife did not understand his
And admitted:
- A neighbor Tolik!
Golden grunted, looking askance:
- Why did you give? What a matter!
Answers without understanding the question:
- It just happened: I drank - gave it!
...
Why do builders honor?
Why are their women welcome?
Builder, if something starts,
So it does not end for a very long time!
...
Who drank beer and drugs,
It will easily understand the difference between them:
Medicines need to be prescribed first,
And with beer, everything is just the opposite!
...
- I drank you appointed candles,
But it’s not a little to me a little better.
You will appoint anything else to me,-
The old man said, - so that the pain is subsided.
- You drank candles! - the doctor was amazed.
- And what should I penetrate them in the ass?
...
Lies at the Chapaev hospital.
What is sick, he himself really does not know.
He calls Petka: "Find out,
Divide than the cupi is sick! "
Then Petka reported:
"Vasil Ivanovich, notice:
Doctors here - all the horses
And their main one is the old grunt
In the diagnosis of initials
You wrote yours - HIV! "
...
AIDS does not get tired of warning
What is dangerous today to go!
He tells us extremely clear to us
What is the hazard is now dangerous!
...
A mother -in -law arrived from afar.
Asked her son -in -law meeting:
- How long?
- Not possible for now!
- What, do not even drink tea?
...
Ready to come with a bouquet to flowers
He is to his mother -in -law his beloved
And even willingly paint
The fence and the monument to her!
...
In that year, you gave a chair to a melshot.
What do you give in this year?
- This time the gift will be easier:
I will spend electricity to the chair!
...
- Shaw, Odarko, Revesh, yak cow?
Sho was grunting, my heart?
- Sick a gynecologist: "Healthy"!
It’s jerking off the pysata: "Little"!
...
When the Great Catherine
There was a voyage in Novorossia,
She is moving about subjects,
I went into one of the Potemkinsky hut:
- What do you eat, people, for lunch?
“Borscht is the dumplings,” the answer was a brief response.
- Well, and dessert? the empress asked them.
- De Semut? That hut, queen!
...
One philologist gave a lecture:
- The Macedonian has disappeared a two -horned helmet,
When he stood on the tiber with the troops.
This is how the word "stabard" appeared.
And then a question from the audience sounded:
- And nothing disappeared in Pisa?
...
Here is the bus stop.
Two pregnant women Boy Vovka,
And an elderly belly man
Apparently in a hurry somewhere.
Women are divided by:
- This time we are waiting, of course, a girl!
- Well, we do not need a girl.
We are waiting for the kid with impatience!
Boy, looking at the stomach of a man
Suddenly asked:
“Who are you waiting, uncle?”
And a man whose stomach is like a globe,
The boy answered:
- I'm waiting for the bus!
...
- A pregnant woman would give way!
Though a drop of conscience still have a drop of conscience!
The girl answered, sitting, sharply:
- Or maybe I'm pregnant too!
- Something is not visible! - says solid
A man, looking at the girl of the body.
- And you want to be visible
After some half an hour?
...
- Girl, - grandfather in full bus
He asks the girl - let me go through me!
- I'm already two stops not a girl!
And all because of your grandfather, umbrella!
...
Woman with non -nibble
He holds on to the handrail of the tram.
And sitting nearby, drunk too,
It will open the eye, then close.
Speaks:
- Put on the panties, shameless,
Or lower the leg! I see everything!
...
Two drinking guys asked
The walking young woman has:
- The girl where you bought
Such crooked tights?
...
Asked the seller of the young:
- Is there a recording of "dun" on sale?
She answered embarrassedly
And even blushing slightly:
- Pokemon are sold here,
And these were not yet!
...
A pair of ascaris crawls out of Mr..
The son of his father enthusiasm says:
- Look how good it is!
What are we, father in Mr. Do not live?
Father answers:
- Remember one thing:
A lot of roads we have passed.
We know that our homeland is Mr.
But this is Mr. - Our Motherland!
...
“Could you love the radical?”
- For the sake of Kala? There was not enough!
...
- Doctor, your diet is assigned,
But you forgot to say to me:
Before and after eating, all this
Should be taken?
..
The Frenchwoman is young
There are 3 small pleasures:
Cigarette with menthol before,
Cognac Ryumashechka after!
...
- Doctor, help, die!
- Do not worry, I help you!
...
- Will I live? - asked the patient.
- Until death, my dear!
...
- Will I die?
The doctor answered:
- Certainly!
We will die! Everything on Earth is not forever!
..
“You know, Angel - I have a wife!”
- Happy! And mine is still alive.
...
- Vovka gave 15 years
Because he threw his wife! -
The drunk said to another, trembling.
- Oh well, you are carrying some kind of nonsense!
I left more than one in my life!
- But not from the 9th floor!
...
“Have you seen your wife's eyes during orgasm?”
And I happened to see them once, my friend.
I finish. And suddenly she enters the room, infection!
And she has such eyes!
...
- What I took for orgasms,
It turned out to be attacks by asthma.
My wife has an allergy.
She needs others.
...
- Tell me, it's very interesting to me:
Are you and your husband speak during sex?
- Hide such a trifle for me from you?
I chat if there is a mobile phone at hand!
...
- Where are you? - The gynecologist was asked
Friends, they called the mobile.
The answer was in rhyme, on a high note.
- Well, I would say that at work!
..
- Do you have lice? - turned to Beach
Another.
- There is, but only pubic!
- And how do you treat them?
- I'm not flying anything.
Look - what healthy!
...
Friends once told me this fairy tale.
The Negro in the desert Kalahari died with thirst.
And the angel appeared to him - the wings are blue.
And he said that three desires would fulfill any.
Negro decided: these desires
Let the angel of death hear.
First desire: to be always with water.
Like the snow of Kilimanjaro, to become white - the second.
Well, and the third: so that all the ladies are wished with me.
Only all these desires will hardly come true.
But desires came true at once! How not to believe fairy tales?!
He became a white toilet in the ladies' toilet!
