"Barca" was sick

Last week, while I was away, I came across a report on the Internet about Chelsea’s exciting return game in the semi-final of the European Champions League against Barcelona in its native walls, in Catalonia. Tension, drama, fantastic atmosphere, filigree technique of world-famous football players, beautiful, almost HD picture.

But this real holiday for fans with tenacity worthy of better use, choking on its significance, was poisoned throughout the entire time by a shrill young voice-over. I don’t know what kind of channel it was, the only thing that is 100% accurate is that if I may say so, the “commentary” was in Russian or, rather, something similar to it.

It is impossible and probably not worth trying to retell this stream of consciousness, which in places approached verbal diarrhea. The man behind the scenes was unable to hide his true pride in Russia - after all, they were playing with their own, super-class Russian team. Although I’m not sure that the owner of the club would like it.

When a goal was scored, the voice behind the scenes screamed heart-rendingly like a siren, announcing the beginning of a nuclear conflict off the coast of the Mediterranean Sea, and, perhaps, judging by the feigned temperament, even jumped out of its own pants. He added Russian suffixes to the names of the players (DrogbIsche!) and apparently sprinkled in “football terms” such as “played a standard”, which, undoubtedly, was supposed to indicate a high degree of professionalism of the presenter. For some reason, the Chelsea team was often called nothing more than “aristocrats”. It also sounds sickeningly like “luxury housing”. Fans of the London club would be mortally offended if they heard their idols called names.

During the break, the commentator was replaced by two experts in the studio. They summed up the first result by saying that “Barça was very often sausage” and considered that the Chelsea defender, who was sent off from the field, “has no brains at all.” Thank God, this fundamental and deep analysis did not last long.

But the voice that returned behind the screen almost immediately betrayed the couple. At the 54th minute of the game, it turned out that after two meetings, Chelsea reached the final. The commentator, languishing from tension, came up with a brilliant idea, which he immediately voiced on air to the entire Ivanovo: “How nice it would be if the remaining time could be bought (???!!! ) in order to immediately finish the game!” . O tempora! Oh more!

Then it was calmer to watch without sound and worry only about football. And the match was brilliant. I wonder what kind of salary these commentators are doing so hard for?