Convinced

Okay, that's it, no more needed, I already realized that I am a complete sucker and a loser, being clearly not in the trend of the main movement. Here you don’t sleep at night, trying to convey to your compatriots pitiful fragments of the good and eternal, and only occasionally there is some kind of sluggish reaction, as one of my readers recently noted, in general, instead of “thank you,” we usually say “uh-huh.” But on the other hand, the suddenly arose topic of how I should publish texts, with or without a cut, caused such an explosion of emotional reaction!...

Then listen carefully. Take the best Spanish olive oil. In general, I am a categorical opponent of all sorts of show-offs in these matters, but here is a rare case when you don’t need to spare money, at least three hundred to four hundred rubles per bottle and really the first cold press. Place about five millimeters in a deep frying pan and immediately add a tablespoon of salt. Heat to maximum temperature.

We wash one and a half kilograms of 50x70 shrimp in a colander with hot water, let them drain, and then dump them in a thin, even layer on a paper towel. Finely chop a large head of garlic and a couple of dried chili pods. The oil has stopped squeaking, that is, the moisture has finally left and the salt has reached its proper condition. Add shrimp. After seven to eight minutes, the liquid will boil away from them, we begin to turn them over and sprinkle them generously with soy sauce, the quality doesn’t matter, and the best, definitely French or Italian, wine vinegar. After another five minutes, pour in mayonnaise, about half a standard Finnish packet, two minutes, add garlic and pepper, a few bay leaves and grate the zest from a small lemon into fine shavings. Sprinkle again successively with olive oil, soy sauce and wine vinegar.

Do everything on maximum heat and stirring constantly. A minute or two after the last operation, turn off the stove, cover the frying pan with a lid and uncork a bottle of any Rioja, but always Gran Reserva no later than 2002.

Pour, sip, if the wine is not sour, you can proceed. Before this, I advise you to drink a couple of shots of tequila. Just without any of that nonsense like salt and lime. It’s better to squeeze the lime, if you have it, on top of the shrimp.

And forget all the nonsense about “kat”, “under kat” and other nonsense.

PS Reader marama_bu just sent a question:

“Well, I don’t understand, should they be crunched in the peel or what?! Or are they already put away, peeled from the shell, huh? Or spit out the peel?! Otherwise, you’ll put so many bells and whistles in there, but how do you eat all this?”

I answer:

Sorry, you are right, I wrote with people in mind who already have experience consuming products of this kind. So that's it. Shrimp, of course, should only be in the shell, peeled - these are not shrimp at all, but a salad dressing or an additive for fish soups. You lick and peel the first shrimp like a regular boiled one. Place it in your mouth and immediately lick the next one so that the sauce from it covers what is already in your mouth. A sip of wine. You clean the one you licked, put it in your mouth, immediately lick the next one, and so on. Bon appetit. Non-smoking until the bottle runs out. Between the first and second bottles you can have a glass or two of Perrier with lemon. Smokers will figure out where to take breaks.

Original