my dead

remember the day:

remember the sign:

THEY MOVED EVERYTHING HERE!

remember:

here is the stove here are the beams and joists

and old, old shadows

"may you dream about mary"

I don't remember her language

Polish is not my native language

hello maryo caresses pauna pan with you

we last saw each other thirteen years ago

we sat at an oval table

I remember the day I remember the sign:

your knitted napkins.

sad music was playing

we repeated:

Moodle Sen for us in Grzeszny

teraz and u godzine death nashey amen

lsk pln mon with TB

hi mr

I dreamed about it for the last time

at nine years old

entered through the window into a room with yellow wallpaper

we had a fuss

didn't say anything when she left

no hello, no hello, no honor

thank you Maria thank you for making me your little visionary.

I lied to everyone, I told you everything was fine, you were offended that I lied so much and didn’t dream about it anymore.

remember:

me then

remember remember

teraz and u godzine death of ours

amen.

grandpa says:

“Today a dead woman crossed my path. this is for the cold weather.

Every year you said: that’s it, this is the last time, I won’t see you again.

I'm like, what are you doing.

but at that time I believed that yes.

There was a Soviet film about the circus on TV, I walked near the windows and thought that I was in some kind of movie, I was wearing a terry bandage and a denim jacket and rubber boots from my aunt’s childhood that we cannot take with us.

here then:

THEY BEGAN TO RESTRANGE EVERYTHING HERE

***

death then you taught us nothing

death then you didn’t take any of us

you taught me to fold my hands like a boat

you taught me nothing you taught me to wait for the limit and guess

death you are a straw doll, yellow-eyed, yellow-fingered, narrow-legged

with dotted pupils death

olive skinned

For seven there is a grave: for seven there is death

where are you honey where are you

I will meet you at the parade I will meet you in the settlement

we'll open up the apartment, will we really lie down in this strange and ownerless bed?

we will intertwine thin legs and not take off squeaky shoes

and the wind from the broken windows will not blow on us

and the dust won't cover

will come with fire, will come with water, will come with poison, will come with peptic ulcer disease

will come will come to me with insomnia

hello maryo caresses pouna pan with you

pain with you

hello maryyo all the payne girl is with you

dash comma

asterisk pointed asterisk

dot dash comma

red asterisk orthorexic

dot dash comma

looks out the window, will he take it with him?

likes doesn't likes will accept won't accept

dot dash dot dot

red velvet star star

shines on me shines on me star dot

dot dash dot dot

will he say the word

Will he look out the windows?

red eye

?

look out the window with your red eye

touch with a leprous finger

call him by an infected name

in the train windows in the train windows

the star is shining the star is shining

someone's news someone's girl

someone's daughter dash dot

where are you honey where are you

and here I am: on the snow and stone

here: on snow and stone

on snow and stone snow and stone

Morse code knocking in the desert

again and again days

speckled with black dots

Will God's angels smile at me?

here on the snow and stone

imma double decker train

imma barge

imma caravan

imma stalinka imma constructivist puck imma holy kitten in a hat

imma she with homeless high-rise buildings in her cold non-lenten

imma RAMENKI

imma plot frames

imma boy's shoulders in the mirror

imma center and spokes, but the wheel itself is missing!

imma trans imam trains imma trans

immer immer night

liebt dich doch

DYSPHORIA HITS HARD

REALIZATION HITS HEART

LOVE ISSUES HIT HARD

PAIN IS EVERLASTING

pain pain panie boże

dysphoria my dysphoria

Hello Panna Marya