Andrey Stadnikov “Dead”

IGNORANCE begins a series of publications highlighted by the reader of the first issue - Christina Wazowski, creator and host of the podcasts “This is a failure” and “Christina, good afternoon!” The theme of the first issue of IGNORANCE is volume. From the prose sent through the open call, Christina selected five texts with the greatest auditory potential.

We present the first text in the series - “The Dead” by Andrei Stadnikov with illustrations by Sergei Komissarov.

Dead

The dead are everywhere. They peek around corners, jump out at you at night, look with all your eyes - and want something. Stalin, great-great-grandfather, grandmother, Alexander the Great - they are all my friends (enemies). I don't want to see them, but I'm waiting. And when a glance rushes at you from the darkness, you know that they are nearby. You are at war with them. You are taking revenge. They bestow immortality and waves of fame (what healthy person could need that?). My father raises rabbits. He says there are two methods of killing - Russian and French. I forgot further. The dead don't sleep. And that's the problem with sleep, when you need to sleep. What if the person nearby is a ghost? If he is a ghoul or the shadow of your dead grandmother? If a girl has blue eyes, then you should fuck her because your granny has blue eyes? Or are you afraid of blue eyes? You don't like top officials. You don’t like Putin (who loves him?). And in the darkness all the dead dogs rise from their graves, drooling.

Coffin

Things are buried. Each new gadget makes an already difficult life more difficult (and who has it easy?) There should be so many things that it’s enough to stuff them into a backpack and get out. It's hard to jump out of a window. Afraid of the moment of falling. You think about it every day - and yet. Hard. The yoke of things is easier to throw off. Isn't it possible to make do with only what is necessary? Politics and food. Food and politics. I hate food. I hate politicians. I love women. I don't like things. Can't you always wear the same thing? I died. I am resurrected. I'm watching the end of the world on the news. A resident of Berdsk got lost in the Suzunsky forest and died. This is good.

Immortal

When I got sick, I felt like I had to go to my great-great-grandfather's grave to make sure he really died. It turns out that I also doubted my mortality. I thought I was immortal. Or a ghost. Or I committed suicide as a child before I could even write and speak, and the rest of my life is the hell I found myself in after committing suicide. Or I am a white magician, and I can help people. Or I am the consciousness of a little crippled boy. Or I have flowers in my grandparents’ garden. Or I forgot the Russian language, but I know ancient Indian, which does not have the word freedom (which means a free person is also possible). Or people with blue eyes want me dead. Or the first and patronymic name of the doctor at the clinic is the same as your grandmother’s. Or I'm in love with Masha. Or I was Stalin, but became Radek. After all, the real goal of the jester is to achieve the suicide of the tyrant. Or the Motherland wants me to defeat (who?). Or it’s not my father’s fault that I’ve gone crazy. The kiss opens a cave in which the sea splashes.

End

She went into the church. There was probably some kind of holiday, because there was no crowd. Looking closer, she realized that there, among the people, there was a coffin. Having crossed herself, she headed there; for some reason she was overcome by a strong desire to look into the face of the dead man. Trying to squeeze through, she accidentally pushed a woman, who turned around: she saw a young face, swollen from tears. After looking at the face for a few seconds, she turned around and, crossing herself, left the church.

Japan

If the god made something better than pussy he's left it for himself. Uncle dies of an overdose. Brother is going crazy. I'm going crazy. Riot police gas the spectators. I love you, Masha. Revolution - clear skies. There are several languages, because there is also more than one desire. The father gives his son a gun and takes a photo of him next to him. He lives not because life is worth living, but because suicide is not worth living. Die. War. Laughed in the ambulance. She's married. Maybe it wasn’t a forest, just nature in general. Fuck, it's so fucking hot. I think she's thirsty. What are you doing? Do you have any cigarettes? Come on, why cry?! You saw her spit it out. Be careful, the road is unpaved. I'm coming from Almaty. Girl, what's wrong with you? I work in a patent office. Do you have anything that can be patented? Pour me some vodka, Misha. The horse bit my finger off. Maybe we should call an ambulance? No, I'd rather go home. Show me your watch. I think I've moved to a new level. Why did you feed her snow? I thought she was thirsty and couldn’t reach it. Will you have salo? Yes, sure. Holy shit, I can’t breathe at all. Dear passengers, one of the passengers on board became ill and requires medical attention. Girl, are you alone? We have a lot of transvestites working in clubs in Almaty. It's very fashionable here. Our man had his head smashed. The ship's commander decided to lower the plane. Holy shit, the roof is on fire. And somewhere a train went off the rails. Did you hear? Fuck him. Damn, Tanya, that's enough! Wow, only 13 and already so strong. It’s strange, I’ve been traveling in a compartment for two days, but I haven’t taken anything with me to eat. I just called you, have you left? Why should you have taken slippers? No, at first she wanted to eat the whole hand, but I pressed my foot into the muzzle and began to pull it out, and it turned out that I only pulled off one nail and ate a piece of the index finger. Damn, it’s a shame, of course I’ll feed her. But it’s strange that she didn’t take anything to eat with her. You have to hit it in the ear or Adam's apple. Well damn, what the hell is going on?! I feel so bad, so bad, has this happened to you? Is everything done like this in Russia? There's a fucking palm tree on fire. Tropical. Is everything like this in Russia? Why bite it off and spit it out? Why are we standing in the middle of the field for so long? I'm going to Kharkov to visit my dad. I'll write about this on Facebook now. Fuck, is this our station? Your mom probably won't be happy that you're not alone, with your fiancée. Who's cooler than us? No one. Yes, I know this horse, it’s at kilometer 66, a woman has a vegetable garden there, and she bit off its breast. Let's stop, I need to pee. Well, we'll smoke thin ones. Such a holiday, such a holiday. No, well, I just ran forward and looked back. Excuse me, but how to get to Cape Kazantip? I vomited twice, now I'm fine. My legs were numb and my butt was numb. I'll die here. They found it, recognized it, got it. Closed zinc coffins. Eight of us have one coffin. They took it from the church and carried it along the alley to the monument. They laid down near the monument and dispersed. How are your clients? Whining? Alexander Dutov, Vladimir Dutov and Pyotr Shilov (pictured from left to right) have been friends for a long time. They love to get together and sing Cossack songs for a long time. Gypsy Dima Petrikov loved the beautiful life. Maybe that's why the Russian girl fell in love with him? Now the Roma diaspora is looking after her (pictured). The Russian bear will not give up his taiga. And then there will be a happy ending and you can fuck the princess. I chose my own life: without God, without family, without homeland and without owner. Welcome to eternal life, my brothers. Despair and anger.

Do you have a focus on Jesus?

Sign up for a card and watch the series for free. You’re angry, but today a woman crushed my leg on a motorcycle. Locals urinate in the ocean. Well, they killed, well, they raped. Every girl wants to be grabbed by the throat in the toilet. In those days, winter was winter and summer was summer. Women are predominantly concerned with their status. I really want to tear off the head of someone who really deserves it. Help me screw in the light bulbs in my apartment - I live in the dark. I recommend buying gold and skiing in Iran. Lipchanin died while trying to poison his ex-wife with a drug used to euthanize animals. Now our products are your inner world. The hall of church cathedrals, where concerts, congresses, seminars, conferences and meetings at the highest level are held, preserves and honors the long-standing Russian traditions of hospitality. favorable location, unique interior, undeniable authority and impeccable reputation of the multifunctional hall of church cathedrals - these are effective tools that attract additional interest to your events in the public and business circles of Moscow. A five-year-old girl died after going to the dentist in the Moscow region. She comes to the mausoleum, take your hands out of your pockets, just take your hands out of your pockets. We are looking for a miniature pinscher named Semyon. And why can’t we now believe in a just world? I live in slavery and I want to get home like a person. I walk like a broken teapot and it’s leaking out of me. Russia has fulfilled its historical role. Those who choose peace will see something worse than hell. Ethnic manure. Where can I get the strength to endure this life?

Vietnam

Under the windows of a cafe with an awning instead of a roof. And basins with reptiles. A rare tourist comes up and asks to kill. They kill - they bring. The humid climate caused the wounds on his back to fester. I stink. You can’t lie on your back anymore, you can’t look at the ceiling: the wounds stick to the sheets, you can peel them off later. Unpleasant. As a result, I lie now on one side, then on the other, turning over every few hours. And so I keep looking out the window.

Dream

I dreamed that I was crushing a cockroach that looked like a turtle with a blue garden bucket. It's time for hate.

No

You make the world a better place. I don't.

Dogs

Bikram yoga, hatha yoga, doga (yoga for dogs), paintball, water park, acting courses, strip plastic, floating, skydiving from the Moscow City skyscrapers and diving into the Moscow River. The offer is valid only for Moscow. Please do not disturb those who like to spend weekends in other countries. My head hurts. My head hurts a lot as I write this. Everything suits death. Fighting for peace is like screaming for virginity. A great day to experiment with your image: they will be successful, you will be satisfied with the result. A suitable day for health and beauty treatments, or a visit to the spa. You can buy clothes, accessories and jewelry, the taste will not let you down. You cope well with new and unusual tasks, and solve non-standard problems faster than representatives of other signs. You manage to find a common language with people who are completely different from you. Few people are able to resist your charm; the beginning of a romantic relationship is possible. Capitalism knows no mercy. Child of the soul, thank you grandfather for the victory, Easter on the Vyatka Uvals, love me as I love you for Holy Rus', this is Christ himself - little servant of God Nicholas, bright resurrection, we will not live, we will not die. When I have my own apartment, I don’t know what will force me to leave it.

GIVE YOUR BREAD FOR JESUS ​​CHRIST

ON, EAT

Andrey Stadnikov is a Russian playwright and director. Graduate of VGIK (directing department, documentary film), School of Theater Leader (Vs. Meyerhold Center) and Master's Degree of K.S. Serebrennikov at the Moscow Art Theater School, a member of the Anniversary Year Group at the Taganka Theater. Director of the plays “Motherland” (CIM), “Descendants of the Sun” (Theatre of Labor), “Vacation without End” (Moscow Drama Theater named after A.S. Pushkin), “ELEPHANT” (Dmitry Brusnikin Workshop) and others. Author of the plays “The Death of Andryusha”, “Ophelia”, “The Sun” and “Terrorist Attacks”.

You can download the first issue of IGNORANCE on our website . Support the magazine with a monthly contribution - on Patreon.com