Russian means not sexy

How Russian men were deprived of the right to a beautiful body and a coveted mound

It's finished. Museum historian and self-appointed etiquette expert Elya Basmanova, on the pages of the publication Moscow Speaks, pronounced a verdict on men's swimming trunks.

“As for men... Yes, we wear swimming trunks, but world fashion believes that men of non-traditional sexual orientation prefer swimming trunks, everyone else wears short shorts. That is, when the genital area is not so clearly highlighted, it looks more attractive according to modern world ideas about beach culture. In this sense, men’s clothing gives the opportunity to maneuver: sunbathe, swim, so that nothing falls out ,” Basmanova said with the categoricalness of the court of the same name.

In itself, a statement by a little-known character on a non-top resource should not have become a noticeable news item. But somehow it became viral, hooked, causing various substances to bubble up. And all because it sounded in the context of other attacks on male sexuality, which literally permeated the Russian media environment. And we can’t play sports, or look at all attractive, and in general, if you haven’t caught a cold in your prostate in a dank trench, you’re not a man. But since you and I are here holding the last line of defense against the non-sexuality of the Russian world, then we have something to say. There was no arguing about tastes in peacetime. And since we are at war, we will fight on this issue as well.

Gays in swimming trunks

The stereotype that tight-fitting swimming trunks are worn mainly by men who appreciate the beauty of other men came to us, like homophobia itself, from the pernicious West. Those who live long enough and have a fairly good memory can confirm that in the nineties and zeros, the vast majority of Russian men swam in tight swimming trunks. And often extremely minimalistic: to maximize the tanning area. In our north, in general, they have an almost religious attitude towards beach activities. And something comparable in length and width to today’s swim shorts could only be seen on the most marginal and least attractive men: in fact, these were ordinary family briefs.

The author of these lines observed at the beginning of the 2000s the sweetest scene of the police authorities of one of the Russian cities bathing in the waters of the Pacific Ocean on the coast of Los Angeles, where they had flown as part of a cultural and professional exchange. Guys, mostly of respectable age and build, with deeply hidden not so much narrow swimming trunks as a fatty canopy of genitals, courageously fought with powerful waves in endless shallow water. Local Baywatch ran up to them, impeccable looking, with beaming white-toothed smiles and equally white bathing shorts. Through an interpreter, they explained why you should not swim in the ocean, and at the same time laughed at the appearance of the guests. Like, if you catch strange looks on yourself, then don’t be surprised: in our swimming trunks there are either gays or professional athletes. The lives of these jokers and the reputation of the organizers of the voyage were saved by the resourcefulness of the translator, who only mentioned the athletes.

Over time, this stereotype penetrated into Russian discourse. Especially among young people who tend to imitate. And, despite the fact that the level of homophobia in new generations has been steadily decreasing, the typical Russian beach in its male part began to consist of teenagers in shorts and adults in swimming trunks. The older, the narrower. But in more developed societies the criteria have changed. Most people wear shorts, regardless of age or sexual preference. Some people prefer swimming trunks. And this only speaks of the desire to demonstrate the beauty of one’s tubercle, but not of orientation. Rather, this style has already become a marker of sexually positive people, and even then it is not obligatory. Seeing a guy in swimming trunks in Spanish Benidorm or Brazilian Copacabana, you cannot say anything about his preferences, but perceive him either indifferently or with aesthetic and sexual interest, but without prejudice. So, the Basmanny Court in the person of the mentioned lady reflects rather the callous stereotypes of the current Russian state rather than “modern world ideas.” The world digested them long ago and regurgitated them, but they were picked up in the Russian Federation. However, nothing new.

Right to sex

Probably no one would have noticed Basmannaya’s statement (she basically talks about women’s swimsuits there), if not for the context. After all, a few days before, the senator from the occupied Crimea, Olga Kovitidi, on the air of the propaganda radio Sputnik, attacked all the men who play sports and take care of their appearance.

“Where are our men today? They are in the gym, they look at the beauty of their body. They look at what kind of car he has, what things he bought for himself. Today we probably have more men in beauty salons than women ,” Olga Kovitidi was indignant.

After all, a man must work hard to bring money to his family, because he must have more than three children, and he must also go and give his life for his Motherland at any moment. I would like to add that the cluster submunition is completely indifferent to what body of beauty it splashes across the Ukrainian black soil. By the way, even colleagues in the so-called Russian parliament rejected Kovitidi, and then decided to exchange him for a less scandalous person. After all, even her husband, a former boxer, is actively involved in sports and shows off his curves. And a fit male, whose appearance makes you want to immediately reproduce with him, is clearly more suitable for realizing the demographic goals of the regime than a down-and-out Russian peasant.

Hatred instead of desire

And here we will have to once again catch Russian speakers in hypocrisy. The point is not even that, driving the male population of the country into the swamp of asexuality, they behave differently in their own lives. The fight against male beauty and male eros as such has much deeper roots. In various forms, it is generally characteristic of dying civilizations, but in the case of Russia, which has been diligently and in every way exterminating its own men for more than a century, it has reached a new level.

Remember how, back in relatively peaceful times, Ekaterina Shulman reassured everyone that Russia is a country with a predominantly elderly female population, and such people usually do not fight? Despite the fact that the Russian Federation is ruled by a distraught grandfather, and masculine toxicity has permeated the discourse, a certain perverted feminine principle can be traced in all the madness that is going on. After all, like the male, he also has his own eros and his thanatos. The will to live and the will to die. For every Snow White there is an evil witch.

Russia is the latest case. This is an angry elderly woman whose life has not worked out; whom her husband beat until she exhausted him; who has never experienced sexual pleasure and hates those who do. Who can still be amazed at the conditional Shaman who stuck the microphone in his leather pants. But when he takes out this microphone, all the convexity there disappears. And whoever has a tubercle in place is a drug addict, a prostitute and a foreign agent.

***

Yes, the author of these lines prefers handsome guys and tight-fitting clothes that highlight all their advantages. He does not impose his tastes on others and believes that clothing style is always a personal matter. And also that all voluntary sexuality is a good thing and deserves only respect. And the fact that we are talking about this on the pages of perhaps the last living Russian-language LGBT resource in itself testifies to a lot. Even though we are not particularly striving for reproduction as a result, from the point of view of the process we can easily give a head start to the oppressed heterosexual majority. And it's sad. We had no intention of remaining the last bastion of sexuality. But since this has happened, well, let’s preserve it and carry it along for your few descendants, our little-respected Russian bigots!

Text: Antony Spyros.