Jokes

Two girlfriends share news. One - another:
– Just think, three young men gave up their seats to me on the bus today.
- Yes, but before, two were enough for you...

At the bank.
– Tell me, is it true that you give loans on your word of honor?
- Is it true. We give.
- What if I don’t return it?
“Then you will be ashamed before God when you appear.”
- Well, that will happen later!
“If you don’t return it on the first day, you will appear on the second.”

- Vinnie, and Vinnie, everyone says: it’s cold as hell. Do you have pork?
- Yes, Piglet. It's called "jellied meat".

American tourists visiting the Greek collection of antiquities. Guide, pointing to a statue without arms and head:
– It depicts an ancient Greek wrestler who won the competition.
Tourist, terrified:
- Wow! Apparently, there was nothing left of the vanquished man at all!

The blonde bought the rights. Her husband teaches her to drive:
- Honey, we passed the traffic police post. Warn oncoming drivers, blink at them... Not with your eyes!