Dmitry Stakhov. Freebie, sir!

Freebie, sir!
Dmitry Stakhov

Publication date: November 22, 2000

You can set your watch by these guys. At exactly half past eleven, their broken down patrol car turns into an intra-block passage and the “wild” traders along the sidewalks are overwhelmed by the bustle. When patrol officers just started collecting tribute, a few years ago, they had to, getting tangled in the belts of their machine guns, get out of the car, regardless of the weather conditions, walk to the trays and receive what they collected near, in full view of the idle people in the neighborhood. Now it’s easier for them: they stop, the merchant hurries to them himself - or carries a bag of grub (tomatoes, cucumbers, greens, apples), or puts rolled-up money into a slightly open window. You can understand the patrol guys - their bodies are young, the work is hard, the operational situation is alarming. Here, from nerves alone, there will always be a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. An ulcer, you know, gastritis-mastritis.

Once the guys, while collecting tribute, were caught by a photojournalist who just went out for a walk with his camera. The whirring of the film being rewound made them perk up, and they immediately showed enviable activity: first they tried to push the correspondent (a man with obvious non-Slavic features) into the Zhigulenok, and then, when all sorts of IDs and a passport with Moscow registration were thrust under their noses, they confronted him into negotiations regarding the possible acquisition of film. One of them pulled out "grandmother" from his pocket. This was the amount!..

The correspondent, after a few days examining the bruises on the elbows (the guys’ fingers are still hard), said that he had been watching the patrolmen for a long time. He is generally interested in the manifestations of freebies - so to speak, the life of a freebie in all its unsightly nakedness. However, he found it difficult to answer the question: where did the freebies come from on our land?

The meaning of this word is rooted in the Ukrainian "khalyava", that is, "the top of a boot." “Going for free” in the Bursat environment, among students of theological seminaries, meant stealing something at the market and hiding it behind the boot. Let's remember Gogol's Viy. Khoma Brut ("brut" - heavy, lazy) had two friends - the rhetorician Gorobets ("gorobets" - sparrow, that is, fidgety, fussy) and the theologian Khalyava (here the surname-nickname "freebie" is used as a thief).

It’s difficult to call patrol officers pure, unalloyed freeloaders. Service, shoulder straps, danger. Life in a hostel. Yes, they don’t steal from the bazaars, but simply skim the fat from those who are given to them either by the city government, or by the government of the country, or by the sluggish process of life. However, there is undoubtedly a free spirit in the expression of their faces. Moreover, it is in their blood.

Patrolmen simply constitute one of the subclasses of "freebies". About the same as the subclass of “table climbers,” which can be called the most primitive form. And despite the fact that a real “table climber” is distinguished by the ability to pass through the densest obstacles, to find himself at home in the most unfamiliar environment, “table climbers” still feel their inferiority, and in moments of, say, devouring free food and drinking, their guts no-no and peeks out from behind the supposedly prosperous façade.

There is a point of view that the roots of the original Russian freebies are not in the Bursat environment, but in the Russian rural community, where a persistent reflex reigned: work is not the main thing, and the main thing is to stick to your own people, who will at least feed you. Therefore, the concepts of the need for one’s own efforts, the value-irreversibility of time, the power of earned money became vague and indistinct.

This communal freeloading mentality, in particular, manifested itself after the abolition of serfdom. At that time, large loans were issued to the peasants of Tula, Ryazan and other central provinces to improve their economy. But very few used the loan as intended. Most of the loans were eaten and drunk. However, when the loan period expired, when it was necessary to give the money back to the treasury, the government’s demands for the return of funds were perceived as sacrilege: they say, the Tsar-Father granted money - which means that taking away the grant is an insult to the Tsar himself, that is, a great sin!

Almost a century and a half has passed, but the desire to certainly receive a gift, to snatch such a fur coat from the royal shoulder, remains. Already the post-Soviet government, headed by Yegor Gaidar, allocated money for the relocation of Vorkuta miners losing their jobs “to the mainland”, to the central regions of Russia. The amounts were relatively small and were not given to everyone, but it was hoped that there would still be enough money to, as they say, start a new life. Expectations were not destined to come true - the vast majority followed the path of their communal ancestors: in addition to eating and drinking, they bought VCRs, carpets, and televisions. And no one was going to return the money. And he didn’t return it.

Where does this “freebie” come from? From lack of freedom? This explanation is one of the possible ones, but the point is not in the explanations, but in the fact that the entire system of the monstrous state that was built was built on its encouragement. After October 17th, the “free” mood of the masses rose like dough and filled all the spaces. This “freebie” was extremely aggressive, she got her way with blood. And, for the most part, she achieved her goal.

And the main thing, naturally, was not the desire for independence, freedom and wealth, but integration into the system, receiving benefits for nothing, for living a healthy life. This is how “grain” positions arose, and merchandisers and other store managers were only a special case of the general “freebie”. The system itself with the faithful vanguard of the NKVD-MGB-KGB, all the rules for the distribution of goods and services, all these “trade unions of the school of communism” and the blue nights soaring like fires - everything served a single goal: to enter a separate, personal “bright future” for free. Hard workers, simply honest people, despite their obvious numerical advantage, served as an exception to the general rule. And therefore, the rules of “freebies” were confirmed by their existence.

“Freebie” turned out to be no worse export product than the Kalashnikov assault rifle and gas condensate. Having stepped from the Middle Ages into “socialism”, infected with Russian “freebies”, yesterday’s farmer armed with a machine gun has become a formidable force. And even without a farmer there are more than enough examples of exporting “freebies”.

It is important that the preferences of freeloaders have not undergone significant changes. Sharikov’s principle of “dividing everything” remains the right guideline. With faith in the good “tsar”, with a red bow - following the example of the new Kursk governor - the freeloaders are waiting for a new distribution. The sad story of Klim Chugunkin’s metamorphoses will not correct them. Although - why so sad, so gloomy? One responsible employee of the authorities, who by the nature of his service is called upon to monitor internal security, said this about one “gibedadeshnik”, who was brazenly taking tribute directly opposite the headquarters of his own department, on Samotechnaya: “Well, a man came out to have lunch, well, he didn’t have enough to pay... Not There is no need for generalizations! No need!"

Indeed! Have fun! And - please come to the table! It's ripe!