Ella Vengerova. Stream of Consciousness

Stream of Consciousness
Ella Vengerova

Publication date: December 14, 2000

I’m sitting on the sofa in a store, blissfully in nirvana, how cozy it is here, just lovely, all my worries have disappeared somewhere, my dear faculty is forgotten, from which there is only harm, debts, affairs, worries, prices, such scenes are in front of me, in front of me such clips as how good you are, miracle linden, here Uncle Coldrex swallowed, here a guy fell into the water, here people are breaking the frame, here boys are gnawing chocolate, here is Minton , Orbit , Maggi , crumpet, here is a mouse poisoned by poison, here is a sheepskin coat and a girl are offered with a slender figure, and here is a bedroom with a candelabra, and here is a girl with a centaur, a child greets new powder with an enthusiastic smile, and the tax policeman looks me very sternly in the eyes, but I’m not afraid of taxes, shut up, fool, shut up, sadness, here there is only joy and delight, here the aunt baked a cake, here the young man pushed the girl, there is no need to be angry with him, because he is such a desperate jock and knocked her down completely by accident, how the beer froths playfully, how the coffee looks beautiful, what a hat and dress the singer is wearing - you could hang yourself, and we need to meet more often, communicate via cell phone, change the Trud newspaper as soon as possible, flip through the sanitary pads every day, oh no, quite the opposite, for some reason the cat suddenly meowed, oh yes, he doesn’t stink anymore, he maintains hygiene with the help of an aerosol , and the train rushes in an open field, and the field is like that and ripples, and the mascara falls on the eyelashes, from the max factor lipstick, because this is what we all need, I am quite calm for myself, because I deserve it, I deserve to race in a foreign car, walk with the dog in a wonderful park, have an apartment in Rublyovka , no, I feel embarrassed on Rublyovka, it’s better somewhere in Miami, wait, Miami isn’t on advertising , but it was mentioned recently in fashionable crime, and maybe in the news, on NTV or in Vesti, but to me - it doesn’t matter what reality is for? there is a movie, what's the point of love when there is sex? Why eat bread when you have cake? why nature and weather? I better turn it on "Voice of the People" , why dreams and ideals? I make a living on the virtual, advertising is my father and mother, but I don’t care about reality. But my leg has gone numb, and life is terribly expensive, and I haven’t paid for the electricity, since there is no money in the house, there are debts and debts on all sides, I’m afraid that the phone will be turned off, the computer suddenly malfunctions, I don’t have the strength to go down to the subway, there’s an old woman catching my cowardly glance -a beggar woman, a soldier, a cripple, an armless disabled person, more, more, more old women, I don’t have the strength to walk past all the time, but the poverty is impenetrable, homeless people, drunken children, but I can’t look at them, because I need to somehow help, clothe - put on shoes, wash, what to do? where to run? where is the light in the tunnel? but what is this, really, I argue as a Marxist - or very close to Marxism are in fashion , and now pluralism and constitutionalism , as soon as taxes are collected, the budget will be enough for many, there will be enough money for all the hungry, poor, poor, deprived, humiliated and to the offended, I don’t know how many millions, all the ministers, industrialists, financiers will take care of this, in the Kremlin golden chambers the question of pensions and salaries will be raised by the wise the state council is entirely men, there are no women there, everyone there is decent people, we won’t talk about exceptions, and they look respectable and think farsightedly, in stylish suits, with watches, well, just oh and just oh, and what a little cool and overweight-old and they don’t express it very well, it’s somehow by the way, the federation of subjects is full of saving projects, the whites, pinks and reds are full of all kinds of ideas, oh, just to come up with an anthem, it’s vitally necessary, but how could it be otherwise, after all they need to finish building their dachas, round up their bills offshore , let poverty endure, let the losers cry, how could it be otherwise, but someday we will come across a bright path, and at our university everything will be like everywhere else in the world, they will disappear old newspapers from all the student closets, and like in some Germany, the timetable will be free, and we will stir the coffee in the buffet, as everywhere else in the world, not with a fork, but with a normal spoon, we only have to wait a little, twenty or thirty years - it’s nonsense, but if we die, it doesn’t matter, others will come to replace us, and certainly, certainly, the rain of circulars will stop, and enlightenment will be revived, the student will enter the twenty-second happy century as a person, and there will be a new layer, albeit thin, but perhaps resistant.