The suffering of Turkmenbashi

Vladimir Putin did not promise Niyazov to rein in Russian journalists

The “beloved leader” of the Turkmen people, Saparmurat Niyazov, gathered his ministers, heads of special services, law enforcement agencies and media chiefs on Monday to share their sore points. At the center of Turkmenbashi’s reasoning were the “issues of dual citizenship” with Russia and how and what the Russian media reported about this.

It is noticeable that Mr. Niyazov is also irritated by some Russian deputies, especially the chairman of the Duma Committee on International Affairs, Dmitry Rogozin, who initiated the hearings on the “Turkmen dossier” that open tomorrow in the Duma. However, the leader considered it beneath his dignity to deal with the deputy personally and entrusted this to his Foreign Ministry. The Turkmen diplomatic department carried out the assignment with its characteristic grace. Calling Mr. Rogozin a “vile liar” who is engaged in “far-fetched fabrications,” the Turkmen Foreign Ministry expressed “confidence that the Russian side, using the entire arsenal of legal methods and means, will take the necessary measures against individuals who take unfriendly steps towards Turkmenistan.”

It seems, however, that Turkmenbashi himself does not believe in Russian “methods and means” and does not hope that Mr. Rogozin will be sent to prison as quickly and simply as Turkmen justice practices. Saparmurat Niyazov is disheartened by the actions of the Russian authorities and is very nervous about this - this became clear from his Monday speech, filled with bitter confusion. He complained about Russian television, which “has already thrown mud at Turkmenistan 5-6 times.” “This is simply indecent!” - the offended president exclaimed without skimping on emotions. He told those present that on Monday he spoke with President Putin, who “promised to stop this,” but “one way or another, such things appear from somewhere.”

A high-ranking source of the Vremya Novostey newspaper in the Russian Foreign Ministry explained that the last conversation between Putin and Niyazov on the phone took place on June 9, then “the situation related to Russia’s concerns regarding Turkmenistan’s unilateral withdrawal from the agreement on dual citizenship was discussed.” Our interlocutor added: “As for the idea that President Putin promised to influence the Russian media, they are absolutely hopeless. In Russia the press is free." It turns out that Turkmenbashi, in a conversation with Putin, heard not what he was told, but what he so passionately wanted to hear.

Perhaps at this time Mr. Niyazov was distracted by thinking about other problems that he has plenty of. There is confusion and vacillation among his military leaders. In the 12th year of independence and the "golden age" of Turkmenbashi's rule, his generals still do not know what to do if suddenly "some plane lands without permission." Having finished the topic of “the machinations of the Russian press,” the leader began to prepare his charges for encounters with unexpected flying objects. Step one is “immediately check the documents.” “And if they make an emergency landing, you must keep an eye on them until the plane is repaired,” the leader added. If the worst happened and certain people landed deliberately, “then they must be arrested until an investigation is completed.” But approaching such an aircraft is not so easy - Turkmenbashi suddenly discovered that his soldiers did not know how to shoot “when they find an enemy in front of them.” Therefore, the leader repeated again and again that “a soldier must be able to open fire, there is no other way.”

Turkmenbashi's suffering is further aggravated by the open national cult of his person. “Don't show my portraits! - he appealed to the masters of the television screen the day before yesterday - Why are you making me suffer? They do not obey their leader, and because of their negligence, Turkmen singers “look plump on the screen” because they film the said singers “from below, sometimes from above.” Upset, Turkmenbashi inadvertently advised his television cameramen to learn from their Russian colleagues, “who know how to look for the right spot” next to the singers. He forgot how half an hour earlier he had branded “dirty” Russian television.

Turkmenbashi ended his speech on a peaceful note: “If you show me, then explain what I did.” Advice worthy of a great leader. However, only Russian parliamentarians are ready to follow him. Tomorrow they will talk in detail about “what the Turkmen leader did” in the Russian Duma.

Arkady DUBNOV