Stanislav Lvovsky. Two clicks away

Two clicks away
Lip reading. Issue 18

Stanislav Lvovsky

Publication date: July 23, 2003

Chatting leads to divorce . That's okay, that's nothing else. But what should be in the mind of a person who clicks on the banner Shocking details about Peter the Great ? “The same as everyone else,” they say, “the same as everyone else.” Summer residents blew up 70 wagons with shells. The Zolotukhinsky butcher hopes for a jury trial . The same as the rest, everything is like people.

Television is known to be a media disaster. News selection: If we are talking about a densely populated country like India, and less than twenty people died, there is no point in broadcasting it. warheads Depleted uranium , which do no more harm than any other piece of metal flying at that speed, become the topic of every evening episode for three months. SARS appears and disappears on TV at the request of the Carlsons from the news-room - where, it seems, further. And there is where. You’ve already sat down to watch the news, you already have a cup of tea in your hands, like the March Hare, or the Mad Hatter , you’ve already put the remote control down until the nearest advertisement, you’ve already been spread out on the surface of the screen, now it won’t let go.

The network is not going to spread you across the screen, it pulls you in, maintaining the principle of pure voluntariness: if you don’t want it, don’t poke it. But I still really want to poke him. How can I get you to read about explored deposits? It's boring. And you understand that it’s boring, and we understand, everyone understands that it’s boring. Here's how: there is 22 years of oil left in Russia . This concerns you, you. You will still be alive, but there will be no more oil. And you're used to it, by the way

This is incredible: the Earth will collide with a meteorite . It’s okay that she, the Earth, collides with meteorites more than once every day. It’s just that six months have passed since we last talked about an asteroid that passed dangerously close to you. You forgot. A meteorite means large-scale destruction, millions of victims , but most importantly, like SARS, like the Washington sniper (remember that?) - it is pure, in the words of English-language legal documents, the activity of God.

Summer, you say, summer, look, sunshine, there’s a child taking a toy tractor to the sandbox, his mother is beautiful, young, we’ll go to barbecue this weekend, what?

What? Here's what: The weather on earth will get worse . And also go read about the Real Price of Russian Girls . Beautiful. Well, yes. Open in new window. Another major-news agency sucks you in with a slurp like oatmeal. did not help you The Savior of the Russian Muskrat , he was late, only five minutes late. Even the most familiar people and things, if you look at them from the inside out, look like they make your skin crawl with fear. Coaches mock tennis players , which means they don’t have training bases there, but well-equipped complexes for holding orgies in the spirit of the Marquis de Sade. The secret of Bjork's physiology - you always suspected that she was born from the marriage of Giger's Alien with a chthonic Icelandic deity? We not only suspected, but we know for sure. Ugandan shamans suggest that the government send killer bees to the rebels. Residents who believed Nostradamus are fleeing Pskov . Empty cities, corpses on the streets, a deadly crush on Pskov electric trains, the swollen corpses of Ugandan rebels, above which the swirling multi-meter figures of shamans grow.

At this time, Julia Roberts falls with a heart attack, the Iraqis are celebrating the capture of Chemical Ali is rolling on the concrete - very close , and the most terrible plane in Russia . But you and I, baby, now let’s go read about who Stirlitz really was, otherwise you look pale, sweaty and trembling all over. We also have gossip columns and science news on our program.

A live 9-centimeter worm was found in the brain of a 42-year-old Chinese man. The woman from Anapa is perhaps 5,000 years old. People with small ears will not be allowed into the USA. Chatting leads to divorce. Pugacheva will become homeless. The gang rape was filmed. Alsou lost her virginity.

A diverse, moving, never-ending disaster at the top edge of “respectable financial and political publications.” The torment of the innocent and the laughter of murderers, the depletion of energy resources and incurable diseases. The hum of a flame and a dragon sticking its muzzle out from the depths of the Karmadon Gorge. Barking, shining, fear.

On the next Monday, photos of riders appear on all four advertising ears. The headline that hung at the top all weekend - The secret of a giant something has been revealed - is replaced by something unformatted: the day of his wrath , then for some reason it’s illegible, the encoding has crawled, or something. On all news sites and advertising spaces purchased in advance in bulk, a simple black and white banner with a short inscription appears.

Go and look .

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