January 17, 2005, 13:01 Culture

Carter covered the Fockers

Culture Park The American box office has finally received an update. Fakers lost first place to black basketball players, also on the menu are Scarlett Johansson, striped pajamas and the Electra complex.

Down with “Hava nagilu”, long live hip-hop!

The Focker family continues to bathe dogs in the toilet and revive the sex lives of ninety-year-old lawyers - but, thank God, not in the first place. Gay Lord Faker, his middle-aged blonde bride and their parents - the paranoid De Niro with sciatica and the carefree Dustin Hoffman with one testicle - grossed $230 million 800 thousand at the American box office. Keep this in mind when guests come to your Arabian hookah party , and by the way, mommy who happened to be offering excellent sauerkraut soup, don’t bang your head on the toilet in despair, but immediately write a script proposal, invite Yefim Shifrin to the main role , and success is guaranteed. "Meet the Fockers" spent three weeks at number one.

The film critics were delighted, but almost every film critic experienced incredible humiliation when his mother showed his girlfriend a report card with excellent marks for behavior, a diploma for sixth place at the Olympiad in assembling herbariums, and the foreskin left over from circumcision.

Even on the day of its defeat, having lost first place, “Fakers” collected approximately $19 million at the American box office, only $4.5 million behind the leader. For many more weeks, the magical “Gunn - Donn”, the truth uttered through the mouth of a baby, will wander along the bottom lines of the box office table.

The leader was a fit black shepherd, bald, wearing a tie, with a stern face and knowledge of hand-to-hand combat techniques - Coach Carter.

Samuel Jackson , an actor with a fairly extensive biography, had only two truly notable roles. A gloomy murderer smeared with blood in funny shorts, remembering only one phrase from Scripture - in “Pulp Fiction”, and a brilliant rogue chemist showing his bare black bottom to the descendant of white exploiters and the entire honest public in “Formula 51”.

Now he tried his hand at the serious movie Coach Carter, a drama of morals and education. Imagine that same gang of blacks (okay, there are whites there too, still political correctness) to whom a basketball was thrown. They don’t want to study, they don’t want to work either, they want beauties, crack and, in extreme cases, play basketball. But then a coach appears, he is also a teacher of life and turns this rabble into real men, and when they bring bad grades from school, he forbids them to enter the playing field, harshly suppressing the murmur of resistance.

“If this crap makes a million more than it spent, the production company should declare victory, collect all copies of the film and bury them in a nuclear waste storage facility under Yucca Mountain and never make a movie again.” "One of the leading contenders for the title of 'Worst Film of the Year'." “I came to the cinema not expecting anything good, but, unfortunately, the film did not live up to my expectations,” reviews on IMDB are, to put it mildly, rather restrained.

But the true story of the unfortunate coach collected $23.6 million at the box office and took first place. Masochism? Love for sports? Samuel Jackson's personal charm?

In third place is children's cinema. “Racing Stripes” - a former thoroughbred horse trainer picks up a zebra foal on the street, gives it to his daughter, the zebra meets the animals on the farm and decides to win the race.

“Uncle bull, what are you doing on the farm?” - “You take off your striped pajamas, I’ll explain everything to you...”

In fourth place is the corporate drama about the advertising business “In Good Company”. An old, experienced employee finds himself subordinate to a very young boss, who then falls in love with his subordinate’s daughter. If it weren't for Scarlett Johansson , who plays an eighteen-year-old schoolgirl with braces in her mouth, this film would not have made $14 million.

And the top five is “Elektra”. Just when it seems like there won't be another stupid comic book movie, it turns out that American mythology has not yet been exhausted. Elektra, Daredevil's girlfriend, wakes up from a coma, becomes a killer, fights with Chinese little pitchforks and defends goodness. Apparently, it doesn’t matter whether she does this, because she debuted in fifth place with 12.5 million, which is shameful pennies for a comic book. It’s unlikely that this is because of her complexes. After all, she's not called that because she wanted to do it with Papa Faker?

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