VOLOBOI NEWS

STATION OFFICER

The head of the station, Voloboe, hastened to assure that even before recognizing the president's message as "brilliant", "powerful", "pleasant", "delightful" and "stunning megaproject", he himself hastened to call the message "super cool", "hyper awesome"...

The head of the Voloboe station hastened to assure that even before recognizing the President's message as "brilliant", "powerful", "pleasant", "delightful" and "stunning megaproject", he himself hastened to call the message "super cool", the archcreative stunner." But he was able to say this only now, because only yesterday his breath returned, intercepted by a sense of admiration.

The Voloboy poet Yevlampy Grossenslyuhen wrote a poem dedicated to the memory of Kadyrov and was immediately given a mansion in the center of Grozny. Realizing his mistake, the poet is now working on an ode to Dick Cheney, a ballad about Tony Blair and ditties about Silvio Berlusconi.

Since there are not enough workers in the republic (hands there prefer to grab machine guns), the Chechen government turned to the population with a request to help conduct a sociological survey: “Who is better with us - our great vice-premier or this unfortunate president?” The personal guards of Kazan Radyrov were the first to respond to the request. The government is confident that the survey will be held qualitatively and on time!

Volobiy's armed forces, consisting of 11 servicemen, are ready to fulfill the presidential message. “However, it will not be easy,” the commander said. “Converting two-thirds of the eleven military personnel to a contract basis is a very difficult task, over which the best military minds will probably fight for more than one year.”