Cemetery humor

Yuri Roslyak was promised the best place out of turn

The housing problem, which spoiled the lives of Muscovites throughout the twentieth century, may seem like a minor nuisance compared to a problem that could ruin their afterlife. At yesterday's meeting of the capital's government, it became clear that in the near future the possibilities of cemeteries near Moscow will be exhausted, and there will simply be nowhere to bury the deceased citizens.

According to the head of the consumer market and services department, Vladimir Malyshkov, today the land reserve is about 60 hectares. This territory, according to him, will be enough for a maximum of five years. At the same time, the minister emphasized that the acquisition of new lands, their registration as city property and the construction of the corresponding cemetery infrastructure also takes about five years, so the problem of the shortage of land for burials must be solved immediately. Noting that the capital needs more than 1 billion rubles to purchase cemetery lands from the Moscow region, Mr. Malyshkov emphasized that the department of economic policy and the department of finance are in no hurry to allocate money from the city budget, considering the cost of land to be greatly inflated. “We invited independent appraisers and agreed on the assessment results with the Department of Economic Security, but the market price of this land is still more than 14 million rubles. per hectare,” Vladimir Malyshkov justified himself, convincing financiers that the cost of land continues to rise, and if Moscow does not buy this land at the stated price today, then tomorrow it will have to be bought at 30 million per hectare.

However, the arguments of the head of the consumer market department did not break through the powerful defense that financiers had erected around the city budget. “Buying land from commercial structures leads to an unjustified increase in costs. Why do we buy land from private owners and not from the state? Why can’t we use state reserve lands?” - the chief economist of the mayor's office, first deputy mayor of Moscow Yuri Roslyak voiced his position, recalling that state lands are purchased not at market, but at cadastral value, which is much lower and does not grow so quickly. “We must use the mechanism for purchasing land for state needs. Cemeteries are government needs! If necessary, we can initiate appropriate amendments to the legislation,” said the deputy mayor.

The head of the consumer market department listened to Mr. Roslyak’s angry tirade with a sad smile. “As for the legislation, here, as they say, it’s too late to drink Borjomi,” said Vladimir Malyshkov, noting that even if the relevant amendments are adopted, they will not work in Moscow and the region. “There are no more state lands in the Moscow region that could be purchased at cadastral value,” he said sadly and turned to Yuri Roslyak: “If you find us at least one such plot, we will shower you with such gratitude...”. Searching for words, the minister paused, which was immediately taken advantage of by the head of the environmental management department, Leonid Bochin: “And we will give you a place on this site out of turn,” he continued his colleague’s phrase.

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Second hand graves

A British cemetery is offering second-hand graves with restored monuments, headstones, obelisks and crosses that can be reused, the Daily Telegraph reported on Tuesday. Cemetery plots that are being re-used with the original monuments still contain the remains of those who passed away at least 75 years ago. The names of the dead are simply scraped off the monuments so that new inscriptions can be made.

London's City Cemetery is selling 1,000 of these plots, advertised as "traditional style burials". They can be bought by families willing to pay £3,000 for a 50-year lease. The 200-acre cemetery was founded in 1853 by Victorians in Manor Park in East London. It is one of the largest in Europe. However, like all cemeteries in the UK, it lacks space for new burials. This cemetery is the first to begin selling monuments and old graves as a solution to the problem. According to the City of London corporation, which owns the cemetery, many of the graves are dug so deep that they can accommodate more coffins, and reusing the monuments is a good conservation measure. “The issue of lack of burial space has been pressing for a long time,” said Ian Hussein, cemetery manager. - The only visible way to solve it is to reuse old graves. We also reuse monuments. Many graves contain one or two coffins, leaving plenty of space on top for others. We did not expect this proposal to be so popular, because it is a radical change in our worldview. However, we were surprised by the demand.” "Usually people think, 'Oh, that's a little disrespectful.' But I tell people, "It's better to use an old English stone that's already been quarried than to use a stone that's come from who knows where in the world and which isn't really very suitable," he added. NEWSRU.COM

Alexander GUDKOV