Translated material
Songs of the deaf and dumb
Kaliningrad officials cannot determine the budget for the five-year cultural development program
For the second time in the last six months, the government of the Kaliningrad region has reviewed a five-year cultural development program. In July, relevant minister Mikhail Andreev already told his colleagues about his far-reaching plans - then he asked for 6.5 billion rubles to implement his plans. This time everything turned out much simpler - after recalculation it turned out that it was quite possible to civilize the Kaliningraders for 300 million.The minister reminded the audience that the Kaliningrad region lives in difficult conditions - it is separated from “big” Russia. Consequently, the inhabitants of the region “fall out” of the general cultural context. And so that they do not completely fall out of the “nest”, the minister proposed building multimedia satellite cinemas in villages, reconstructing order castles and Catholic churches (with subsequent transfer to the jurisdiction of the Russian Orthodox Church or simply to attract tourists), building concert complexes in Kaliningrad, Svetlogorsk and Zelenogradsk, promote the “Baltic Debuts” festival and support the “seasons” of the same name, nurture local gifted youth and encourage artists (in three years they will financially help ten, paying 5 thousand rubles each for 12 months). And if this turns out to be not enough, then there are also fairs, festivals, cultural days, conferences and other biennales in stock.
The result, according to Mr. Andreev, will not be long in coming. The Minister of Culture believes that by 2011 the number of people involved in amateur and creative associations will increase by 10%. There will be five times more visitors to museums and libraries. And the number of immovable historical and cultural monuments with new modern functions will double (if we consider that there are only a few such monuments now, the growth is, of course, colossal).
The Minister of Economy of the regional administration, Felix Lapin, was somewhat confused by these indicators, and he suggested focusing on how culture is developing in Poland and Lithuania. Minister Andreev replied that he was not aware of this - it was better to focus on Russian analogues. Commissioner for Human Rights Irina Vershinina drew the attention of the Minister of Culture to the fact that the document does not mention people with disabilities at all - whether they will be deprived culturally. “Don’t worry,” Mikhail Anatolyevich gracefully waved his hand. - We have deaf and dumb people. They even sing beautifully!” And after a second he quietly added: “And they dance...”
Such a witty answer impressed Mrs. Vershinina so much that she exclaimed: “What a wonderful program! We no longer have a government, but a whole research institute!” Several other officials made similar eulogies, but, as it turned out, it was too early: the government’s employees are not scientists...
Last time, the ministers reproached their colleague Andreev for being too free with budget funds: they say, 6.5 billion rubles. on culture - this is a lot, and also unreasonable. So this time Mikhail Anatolyevich tried to approach the discussion of the issue at the government meeting fully armed. The draft program prepared by his department turned out to be quite lengthy - almost a hundred pages. In it, the minister tried to justify all, even the smallest expected expenses, calculating, for example, the cost of purchasing nails, paper and tape.
But the ministerial scrupulousness was not appreciated. “What kind of shyness is this? Either 6 billion, then 300 million! - said Governor Georgy Boos, making it clear that this money will be enough not for culture, but for culture. - Nobody will read your program. But this figure - 300 million for five years - will be remembered by everyone. And you will make us famous all over the world! Adjust!" Minister Mikhail Andreev found himself in a dead end - so how much money should he ask from the budget? But he didn’t dare ask again.