Translated material
Unsatisfied Yehu
Viktor Shenderovich: Presnensky court refused deputy to Abeltsev
Yehu remained satisfied .
The Presnensky court of Moscow refused the deputy to Abeltsev. Writer, and until recently the defendant Shenderovich - about the latest impressions from the zoological street 
They tried to drag the case from the district court to the world and start all the bagpipes at first; They tried to return the process in the past stage, questioned the qualifications of the expert, read out long -term petitions already rejected at past meetings ... “We need to make the corrections,” the offended deputy muttered. - How is it - you cannot expand the charges? "
From the speech of the defendant Shenderovich: “We live with Mr. Abeltsev in one country, but our brains belong to different civilizations. It happens. It is precisely this difference (and the fact that everyone is ready to insist on the norms accepted precisely in his civilization) ultimately made our meeting in the courtroom inevitable. ” They took out a new lawsuit from his bosom-civilian. Abelts did not immediately realize his total moral suffering, but estimated at a million rubles. In the written version of the statement, instead of the named million, a billion was discovered - the habit of mastering budget funds worked, the nols themselves drew ...
Then they began to remove trump cards from the sleeves. The first of them was the result of the "screening test", not huhra-muhra! Almost none of the respondents knew who Yehu was, but everyone had excitedly felt that it was something offensive! The lawyer Semenov revealed the secret: the word “Yehu” unknown to the Russians consists of the same four letters as the famous of three!
That is, hiding behind Swift, I just covered the deputy by Guami ... Here you have the long -awaited "compound"!
From the speech of the defendant Shenderovich: “I understand the desire of Mr. Abeltsev to drag me closer to the composition of the crime, but as Kozma Prutkov said,“ Sometimes zeal will overcome my mind ... ” It turned out that I was misleading the court regarding my profession! The vigilant Abeltsians sent a request to the Union of Journalists and solemnly presented the court with paper that I was not consuming in this Union! What does this discovery have to use my right to use the letters of the Russian alphabet, I did not understand, but I still became terribly proud: the previous judicial precedent of this kind (with a certificate of accusation of the unpertured union in the creative union) occurred with Joseph Brodsky.
When the representative of the victim began to teach me “the communication model accepted in society”, I began to think about whether she was talking about the gondon, with whom her client recently came to the world arena, but decided to spare Judge Vasyuchenko: she already had a hard time.
At each meeting, the judge with a stone person listened to Saga Abeltsev performed by the author-about his unequal struggle against recidivists-law enforcement officers. "Journalists in tattoos began to throw me with their eggs." The lamentations were repeated almost word for word, and each time Abelsev bent his fingers, considering the number of convictions at some Skokarev ... And then Skokarev and why the goat of the Bayan, it was too late to find out: the judge Vasyuchenko gave up and only nodded her head, waiting for the next attack of deputy speech.
It can be understood. As the classic said: “Who will have time to stay with you, he will breathe in the air alone ...” - and Judge Vasyuchenko spent a week of pure time in the same kubature with a folk chosen one!
From the speech of the defendant Shenderovich: “If, who was led by his feudal ideas about the structure of society, the deputy in the eyes of the whole world did not use me to the criminal court, the phrase“ animal of the Abelians ”would not have entered the everyday life as it has come now ...” The general mental background was uneven, but things happened and quite outstanding. Once, for example, Abeltsev heard a whistle. The whistle alarmed him. He interrupted the trial and made a short but fiery question about zombie, coming from a bench with the audience, and demanded that the judge call the bailiff in order to stop zombies! Everyone who thinks that I am joking, I refer to the protocol of the court session.
She whistled (more precisely - screamed thinly) on the playground outside the window, and called the carousel nicely: the next meeting began with the petition of Abeltsev for psychiatric examination.
What is interesting for me.
“Maybe he was sick in childhood with diseases that narrowed his consciousness? - said Abeltsev. “Maybe he was dropped and not caught? ..”
Something deeply personal was heard in these words, but Freud’s grandfather was not in the hall for psychoanalysis in the hall, but there was a judge Vasyuchenko, whose patience I finally allowed myself to be surprised aloud:
"You allow it to be rude in the courtroom, your honor!"
However, what was she left? Click the bailiff to bring this focus of liberal democracy out of the hall? We will be realistic. Say thanks to the judge and for her timid attempts to stop this steam locomotive.
However, with steam and buzzing from the pipe sometimes sparks of genius flew out. Once Abeltsov quoted a line from my autobiography: they say, served in the Soviet Army, "survived and demobilized." And commented:
"I served in the same years, no one survived with us!"
Then Abeltsev, it seems, turned to his own autobiography.
“In the good old time, he would have foiled his head in a pipe in the porch,” the State Duma deputy reasoned about me in the courtroom. The presence of the judge did not bother him. The prosecutor did not know where to put her eyes.
In general, he had long behaved not as a side in the process, but as a boss - or just a master. By the way, in the performance of my lawyer, a quote from Orwell sounded here that all animals are equal, but some are more equal ...
Abeltsev was much, much more equal.
From the speech of the defendant Shenderovich: “Mr. Abeltsev has been a deputy for fifteen years, and all his“ Mercedes ”, costumes, assistants and the contents of the office, up to the stem paper and state-owned Duma envelopes, in which I supposedly delivered his private prosecution-all this paid as a taxpayer. Living on my dependent, the deputy (...) undertakes to endure any assessments of his figure. If you are not ready and wants to stay outside of criticism, then - here is God, but the threshold! Go into private life, and no one will say bad words to you ... ” Once he was finally entangled in his own petitions and hints of lawyers. He did not understand anything, took and put the pieces of paper back, walked to the table and again, like in his native stall, returned to the tribune intended for witnesses ...
And once again I thought that in his case the “animal” is not an insult, but a mitigating circumstance.