Kafka at home Kolobok

The city of absurdity: on the streets of Ulyanovsk you can meet both Kolobok and Stalin

Portrait of Stalin on the pediment, a doric column with the imperial crown, empire currencies and wealthy waiters in Ulyanovsk
"Where are you?" The friend asked, dialing my number on a Sabbath evening. “Kolobok in the homeland,” she answered honestly. "Are you in the susks?" - "No, in Ulyanovsk."

Round and a monument to the fabulous kolobok is erected in the cap - after some scientists proved that the bun was rolled up in the local places. For my taste, too mockingly, if you recall in honor of which figure the sweetest Simbirsk was renamed. Although, of course, the external similarity of the most famous native of Simbirsk with Kolobk is obvious- however, add Kolob-

Nobody guessed a cap to achieve harmony, historical continuity and attract a tourist flow. But the coat of arms was returned to Ulyanovsk: this is a doric column, on the very top of which for some reason the crown of the Russian Empire with a cross and a double-headed eagle is hooked. And the inscription "Ulyanovsk" so that no one doubts.

For the first time, the coat of arms met near the mechanical plant, but not only it came into view. She asked the taxi driver to stop and wiped her eyes for a long time. Opposite the coat of arms with the crown, a large ceremonial portrait of the leader of the peoples of Comrade Stalin flaunted. Next to Stalin was the election campaign of the party in power, claiming that it was she who built a bridge over the Volga for the reporting period, opened two thousands in kindergartens with something with something and landed 380 thousand trees in the city. "How many people live in Ulyanovsk?" - I ask the taxi driver. “780 thousand,” the taxi driver reported and, seeing an approving reaction, added: “I’m actually a tanker, and I’m earnings.”

There was a feeling that the city was captured by the Kafkians. I would guess in time what awaits ahead - you could take several adaptive lessons in survival in Ulyanovsk from the tankman.

We reached the center. From abundant wall painting, an amazing news learned an amazing news: Ulyanovsk-the cultural capital of the countries of the Commonwealth. And by 2020, Ulyanovsk will become the cultural capital of Europe, as the posters promised. It would be necessary to inform Avignon that the bun rolls on them. “And here we have a monument to the letter Yo,” the taxi driver did not let him relax. "Is this, the tombstone of the yo-mobile?" The joke did not pass, the examination of the letter E was inevitable. It turned out that the monument was erected in honor of Karamzin, who, according to the guide, was also born in Ulyanovsk.

I kept on cognac.

Children up to 30 needed to think carefully. I took the key to the number and was surprised by the local spelling rules (Oktober - was proudly written on the hotel vein and in all places where an inquisitive eye penetrated). On the second floor of the Oktober hotel, a map of the Soviet Union hung, with all the details and fifteen republics. “Russia and the surroundings” was written on the map. It became clear that cognac will not help.

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The pre-election campaign of the party in power claimed that it was she who built a bridge over the Volga, opened two thousands of seats in kindergartens and landed 380 thousand trees in the city

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The election campaign of “United Russia” in Ulyanovsk reality clearly did not correspond to a colleague, he took his dinner. Some strange men in felt boots were interrupted next to the cinema "Artistic" (aka the former "Empire", reported the sign). "Is this a parking?" - asked naively. "No, these are currencies." - "What currencies?!" - “Ordinary, they change the currency. And you do not have them in Moscow, or what? "

The Duke restaurant depicts Odessa. On the chest of the waiter Bajik: Ostap. "Are you really called Ostap?" “No, Teimuraz,” said Teimuraz and gave me the cutlet. On his hand (right!) With dull gold, they gleamed a wildly expensive watch, specially then asked in the catalog - $ 90 thousand "Can I see?" - “Look,” and Teimuraz took off his hand with a wide gesture and laid them next to the cutlet. “This is not a fake.” “Where do you get from?” “Uncle gave it when I graduated from a dental college.” - "Why are you working?" “So there is no work.”

She tried to visit the nearby Shipr restaurant, decorated with a scarlet rose and the inscription "Children under 30 years old," is forbidden. " I was not allowed - but not due to chic safety, but because of the complete lack of places, this is almost 300 people. Kolobok live widely in the homeland!

Business, I drove anything personal foolish on Radio 2x2, which is at the Iskra factory. They invited to Friday talk shows, but I did not google, an idiot. The radio turned out to be musical, witty, a DJ served the young lady very much in 50, in the waders. The young lady said that she was “from Moscow” and her name is Natasha, but Valeria should be called on the air. Jumping and dancing, Natasha-Valeria said that the radio is controlled by the city administration, and therefore nothing can be said about the elections and about politics too. She did not know anything about me and she all wanted impressions from Ulyanovsk. I got up and stupidly passed on the greetings of the administration, and also thanked Kolobok for the happy childhood: when Kolya was small, with a curly head, he also ran in felt boots along the ice hill ... Then she asked what I think about Berlusconi. He said honestly: I think he is a goat. Natasha really liked the broadcast. Only she was a little worried about the goat.

Then there was a meeting with local businessmen and journalists. Businessmen made a strong impression. The most creative was a joint business with Vasily Yakemenko. She was stupefied and tried to get into his skull. It turned out nothing personal. This businessman annually takes his entire state to Seliger, and they rest there well, and once they even helped the Danes shoot the film “Our” (the right evil movie). The interlocutor also liked it, and now he is busy with the promotion of an acute rap in the region. "And what does Yakemenko think about this?" - asked the businessman. “But he thinks nothing while he is in a share.”

Logical.

I talked with young journalists, especially I liked one - he has a weekly live broadcast about the cinema. And he was even nominated to the TEFI regional prize, but the Ulyanovsk administration removed him from the award. “How is it? What does the city hall have to do with TEFI? " - “Yes, no. They simply promised to raise the rental and other troubles promised if my authorities did not take me off the prize. Relieve, of course. "

"Why don't you leave here?" -stubbornly asked businessmen, journalists and waiter Ostapa-Tymuraz. “Where? What do you have, isn't it? They got us completely, but we live here, here family, parents ... "

And in the morning, leaving the strange Oktober Hotel, she suddenly discovered vigorous inscriptions against crooks and thieves on the walls of houses. The press said that more than 100 houses were “painted with slogans against the governor of the region, a member of United Russia, Sergei Morozov.” Unknown partisans sew a criminal under the article “Vandalism”.

Just let them catch first. This is clearly not one person and not two went out at night on the streets of the future cultural capital of Europe. I wonder who left the inscriptions against crooks and thieves? I do not suspect the ampir currencies. Although…