"Today you are, but tomorrow you are not"

The Fotodoc documentary photo at the Sakharov Museum holds the Civil Protest and Minorities contests. PublicPost - an information partner of the competitions - publishes the social project of the photographer Dinara Kasimova "About Natasha" and an interview with the main character of the photo series.

- If you were a director, what would you make a film about?

I would make a film from real life, about one of those like me, so that healthy people can look at life from the other side, evaluate it more worthy, understand that today you are, and tomorrow you are not. Love each other more, appreciate. The main character would be a young girl who survived the tragedy: for example, she was lonely, lost her child. It would be a turning point in life that changed it. She would help others. And over time, people would be attracted to her the same as her. She would have a family, her own business ... She opened a manicure salon (laughs) or sold her paintings - she did what she loves to do, helping others. She would be kind, sympathetic, punching ... although it is also impossible to be very kind too.

- Which people are more: bad or good?

Probably, after all, there are more prudent people who know that you will help, and tell you that you are cool, the only one, although I myself understand that this person says so because he knows that I can turn to me for help. But I do not push this person - maybe no one will console him except me. Let him be fine. Many say they charge me. Probably, I was born for this so that they would be charged with good ... or sucking energy (laughs) . I don't feel sorry. There are sometimes offensive situations, but I keep an insult in myself, inside, I do not pronounce - suddenly a person will be even harder than me. We are all different. So they told me that I was sick and I can die soon - I will survive it, and tell me to another - he will go and rush out the window. Therefore, you can’t say everything (laughs) .

- How do you understand that you are getting better?

When I lived in an orphanage, I was a terrible person - or rather, I wanted to seem like that, it was my self -defense, or something. I smoked, swearing, closed in the room and painted. The manager came to me: "Natasha, let's go study," and I went to her: "I went to the*th." I did what I wanted.

A new teacher from the stroke came to us. Our girl died - so she sat and signed a memorable ribbon. I fly - no "hello", nothing. There are some guys hang out, I am to them: "Salags, have to smoke?" They gave me, I went to smoke. I usually didn’t look into anyone, but for now I shot smoking, I glanced briefly at the teacher’s eyes, and I liked her eyes so much that, I think, I have to go in. I go: "Cho do it? Let me draw a thread." She gave me. I took and sit at her. I think: "Good aunt, I have not said a word to me yet." Everyone went somewhere (dinner, or something, was), and we remained together. And she says to me: "Here, soon the weekend, do you want to visit me?" And pi ** EC! I was completely killed: me, such a bitch that is afraid of the whole orphanage - she invites me to visit. "Do you even know who I am?" - "Who? I see - a girl." I then began to realize that I am not really shit that I was trying to make myself.

She began to take me on a visit, we talked, and I became the one who I am. I realized that it is better not when they are afraid of you, but when you are respected. I suddenly began to think that we need to respect these adults who work with us, feed us, teach us, because they leave their families to be with us, morons.

- What is love for you?

This is what we lack. This is when you feel differently when you want to do everything. And when you understand that this is not, then you will fade away.

Human love is, of course, not eternal. Love for children is completely different. Love for yourself is also good when you do not allow yourself and your loved ones to humiliate. Since I love myself, I have to leave behind a good mark, take care of the future of my children after my departure. So that the children of the children say that it was strong, and tried to be as strong, persistent.

- Do you dream of dreams?

Rarely. Then I break off from somewhere, fly, then someone shoots at me, and I wake up before the shot, then some kind of war. I sleep all the time and feel that if I don’t wake up, they will kill me. It happens with tears. All the time dreams - which is at 10 years old, at 20, which is 30.

- What is suffering for you?

If something is bad for me, then no one should know about it. Even about Lidochka, only those with whom they had not seen for a long time have learned. In principle, I got used to pain. It’s hard to be away from the children, especially in the hospital: anxiety - although you know that with the children people you trust. Imagine: all day - these walls, droppers. You do nothing, do not clean, do not care for anyone, do not cook. It feels like you have a little left, and it’s a pity to lose this time in the hospital. Precisely because time flies past. I am always sorry for the time madly, especially recently.

- What is time for you?

Time is life for me, and life is a movement (smiles) . I woke up, read this book, washed this, prepared it - this is necessary for another. Time in a general sense does not interest me: who is the president, the life of the stars - I do not care. Now they often began to show how artists die from cancer. Why show this at all? I look: here is a sore cancer, and I understand that people who have money, and connections, and everything you want, still cannot be cured, burn. Fucking is it to me and the same as me to show?

- Why does a person live?

Everyone himself determines why he lives. If his brains somehow reach that he should live his life, so that it is not a pity that he lived. It seems to me that something should happen to a person. After all, while something does not happen to a person, he does not understand what is good, what is bad. Only when he learns, for example, about a terrible disease or with his close-nerd, something terrible happens, he is able to overestimate life. Often as it happens: he was born, learned, on bars, women, parents bought a apartment car. So they live and die there in some stupid accident or clinging each other in a booze. And what? Why did this man live? It would be better if this life went to some child. This "cock" walks on the legs, and the child lies in the hospital, suffers. If this child gives at least a little effort of this freak, burning his life, he would be cured and would understand that it is necessary to appreciate life. There is a lot of injustice ...

January 10, 1980 was born in the city of Verkhny Ufaly of the Chelyabinsk region in a large family.
1985 - railway injury.
1986-95 -She was in the orphanage of the city of Kusa, Chelyabinsk region.
1996-2002 - She studied at the Polytechnic in the city of Pavlovsk, Leningrad Region with a degree in Artist-Former.
2002 - got married.
2003 - Birth of the first daughter of Lidochka. As a result of medical negligence, the diagnosis is cerebral palsy, mixed form, hyperkinetic syndrome, spastic tetropolis.
2005 - After long ordeals, a family of three disabled people receive housing.
2007 - the younger Katya was born.
2010 - After the plot is released on the NTV that there is no car in the family, by order of the authorities of Natalia, they give a car.
2010, March - diagnosis of cancer of the IV degree, the fight against the disease continues.

The Fotodoc documentary photo was announced by the Civil Protest and Minorities contests. PublicPost - an information partner of competitions - publishes projects of photographers-documentalists. >>>