false mirror

Shot from TV Center TV channel

On April 1, the Rossiya-1 TV channel broadcasts a two-hour program “Curve Mirror.” On April Fools' Day, Lenta couldn't pass by and decided to join Petrosyan. The section "even more hell" is glad to welcome you.

Commented by : Alexander Polivanov , Petr Bologov

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13:00 SHIELD?! It looks like we're really going to do this.

15:13 “Lenta.ru” is often accused of Petrosyanism. Today we decided not to hide our feelings. My name is Sasha Polivanov, we'll start in an hour.

15:24 Hello. I finally made it to the newsroom and asked Dr. Gonza, “What the hell am I doing here in the office on a Sunday night?” I don’t have an answer, but nevertheless, for the next two hours, Alexander and I will be trying to rebroadcast the greatest show of all time for Lenta.ru readers.

15:26 Our original plan was to hold a “Funny Panorama”, but for some reason they decided to show it on “Russia-1” at eight in the morning. I had to switch to Distorting Mirror. This is apparently some kind of remix of "Laughing Panorama".

15:31 By searching for “Petrosyan remix” I found this on YouTube . "Dirol with xylitol!"

15:34 RIA Novosti reported in the morning that “On April 1, television viewers will be treated to a marathon of jokes and parodies.” Today I saw on TV only the weather forecast and the announcement of the series "Bros-2". I laughed so hard (with) “Mimino”.

15:37 On "Russia-2", which we turned on in advance (without sound), they showed an advertisement for some kind of cat food. For this occasion, here is the first cat for today .

No comments

15:39 Today’s online event is sponsored by the Department of External Relations of the Church of Evgeniy Vaganovich Petrosyan (Holy Abode of True Humor).

15:45 It’s good that Petya and I didn’t host April Fool’s Day on First. It goes on for about six hours, and then smoothly flows into KVN.

15:45 Sasha shared with me insider information, judging by which “Distorted Mirror” today will surpass all its previous achievements in the field of driving people crazy. Anna Karenina and Grigory Leps, Lev Leshchenko and a mysterious provincial girl. It's all on the menu. It will be tough!

15:49 I also have one more insight: here are some photos from the filming of “Distorted Mirror”. They were taken (attention!) from the “official website of the Union of Comedians”.

15:53 "Absolute records in ratings, constant audience interest and sold-out concerts, the best airtime on television - is this not confirmation that the 'Curved Mirror' program under the direction of People's Artist of Russia Yevgeny Vaganovich Petrosyan is one of the most beloved television theaters?" - this is from there.

15:55 It’s a pity that today’s show will not feature a glorious galaxy of timeless humorous readers like Koklyushkin or Lion Izmailov. I will miss them very much. However, I think they will be with us invisibly. Like muses.

15:58 Found on the Internet: “Demons and other mythological creatures, from different points of view, are closer to people than to animals or gods, but their laughter is closer to people than to animals or gods, the meaning of this laughter is clearly inhuman” . Dejan Ajdačić, Serbian philologist. Looks like I'll be quoting him all the time today.

15:59 The website of the Union of Comedians never ceases to amaze me. Here are photographs of comedians entertaining members of the Federation Council.

16:00 Sasha, are you and I sure that we should do this? I’m already scared, given the well-known title on the Internet that is awarded to Evgeniy Vaganovich. Check it out: “The demon with his laughter does not express goodwill, but, most likely, victory over the human world; his laughter is just an imitation of a noble smile, under which the real intentions of the demons are hidden.”

16:06 Sing, there is no turning back. Ten minutes left.

16:07 If something happens, we can always clear the chakras and atone for our guilt by going to Petrosyan’s concert. Even today it's not too late .

16:11 I wonder how many advertisers will refuse to advertise on Lente.ru after this online? Or, on the contrary, will it increase? A “Smehapanorama” banner on the face of “Lenta” - that would be cool.

16:13 I wonder how many times today Alexander and I will ask each other the question: “Who are all these people?”

16:15 While there is some drama going on in “Russia”. People eat soup there. And they hit each other's faces.

16:15 It's starting!

16:16 “Go ahead, turn up the sound, otherwise we won’t understand anything,” Petya told me. I turn it on.

16:16 Let's go!

16:17 On stage - Mitrofanov from the LDPR and Jackie Chan. No...these are some other people. They read the seed, so to speak. I'm already excited :)

16:18 Petya got lost in eyes, so for now I’m writing. “We’re going to a place where everyone goes at least once a year,” says the host. The second one is offended: “I go there more often.”

16:19 Editorial work has stopped, sorry. This is ridiculously funny.

This is how we watch Distorting Mirror

16:20 “Where, where are we all going? / To the madhouse,” - welcome!

16:20 The main thing is that the audience is happy. They like it when they shout loudly and repeatedly from the stage: “Station!!! Station!!” Today the station theme predominates. Viewers of the show were invited to travel through the area and time. Something like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

16:21 What happens on stage is least like a train station. Gypsies, taxi drivers, whitewash sellers, and porters are running around the stage. And finally there is MUSIC!

16:22 First song in the show. Cover of "Stop the engine, don't knock the wheels." There is an “Uzbek with a melon” in the choir. The song raises the topic of alcoholics and homeless people. “A train station is a small life” is the main message.

16:23 Petya, I need a drink.

16:24 Anna Karenina appeared. “Excellently performed by A. Bukhovtsov,” as it is written in the announcement for “The Distorting Mirror.” They check her documents.

16:26 “Get off the rails, fool,” - this is also about Anna Karenina.

16:26 Karenina can’t choose where to throw herself: under a freight train or an express train? (runs away in panic). A joke begins about the recertification of police officers as police officers. “I’m a cop,” says a policeman in a police uniform. He is being bullied by Jackie Chan in a cotton robe. Uzbek type.

16:28 Judging by the audience in the hall, we have some very funny jokes going on here. and MUSIC AGAIN!

16:29 Petya turned out to be an expert on Soviet films and recognized a parody of a song from this film . Sing, why are all the women in the Petrosyan Theater played by men?

It's good that sometimes there are advertisements

16:32 This is the melody from the movie "Ah, Vaudeville, Vaudeville", yeah. As for your question, I don’t have an answer to it, I won’t lie. Maybe Evgeniy Vaganovich follows the traditions of the kabuki theater of the Tokugawa shogunate era?

16:33 Advertising for "Russia-1" is also outrageous. "Why do I look so good?" - a skeleton asks the audience. "Because I take vitamins."

16:34 Let's continue.

16:35 Maybe they don’t take women to the Petrosyan Theater? The courageous editors are forced to listen to everything that happens on Rossiya-1. The editors somehow became silent.

16:36 If you try to comprehend jokes, you freeze for at least a couple of minutes.

16:37 If you try to comprehend jokes, you freeze like my browser.

16:37 And the editors on duty are having fun, as if they were watching Monty Python. And you say “distorting mirror” - it’s not funny. "Who is Tamara Arnoldovna?" Who cares who she is? It's funny and okay.

16:38 In general, what is happening on stage: a gypsy and a married couple. A woman is a big woman, a man is a mattress. And now the gypsy claims that her husband has a “freelance child” from some Tamara Arnoldovna. The mattress makes excuses, the gypsy jokes about the pension fund. Hell as it is.

16:40 It's time to turn on Anna Karenina again.

These are our Sunday shift editors watching Crooked Mirror

16:40 Meanwhile, the action descends into complete absurdity.

16:41 “Golden the handle, my artiodactyl,” says the “gypsy” to the mattress, which looks like Khobotov from “Pokrovsky Gate”.

16:42 The climax of the scene: the lady, it turns out, also had “freelance” men. Drama.

16:43 Listen, where is the promised Leps?! Lepsa to us! Leps and circuses.

16:44 People in the hall are filming everything with cameras. We are waiting for videos on YouTube!

16:45 At the end of this sketch, the gypsy for some reason began to speak in the voice of Baba Yaga.

16:46 Petya asks for help from the audience in the “Guess the Melody” competition. There is such a motive: “Vokzaaaal! People are hanging out” And the violin sounds. "Maybe it's Leps?" - asks Petya.

16:47 Never before has an advertisement been so timely. In the words of the advertisement, “Dill was born,” Petya went to have a smoke.

SHIELD?

16:49 In advertising for constipation remedies they say: “It all starts with a good morning.” Sorry.

16:50 New scene. A man with a suitcase, a supposedly Georgian taxi driver. And a really funny joke detected. True, for some reason it was repeated four times.

16:51 A joke started about a taxi driver and his client, who came from Vladivostok. The client is crazy - he traveled by train for seven days and went crazy.

16:52 Anna Karenina meets an Uzbek on the station platform and says: “They don’t let a decent woman put off her hooves.” The Uzbek replies: “Are you a sheep?” The Uzbek, in a word, refuses to understand Karenina, but then asks for her hand. Sasha, where are we?

16:53 Finally, the first victims of the Crooked Mirror appeared. Vanya from the special correspondents department came up and asked to turn it down. “I can’t work like this,” Vanya complained. Apparently he finds it very funny.

16:54 “Supposedly an Uzbek” is picking on “supposedly Karenina.” Then “supposedly Karenina” carries “supposedly Uzbek” in her arms.

16:55 Sing, would you like the “eye picker” for the eyes that we are talking about now? "Distorted Mirror" - VIP eye picker.

16:55 There is a joke about the eye peeler. I am not lying.

16:56 A joke about Dzhigurda. Yeah!

16:57 “Elena Baturina is not Yuri Luzhkov’s wife, but it turns out she is his brother.” Well, what can I add here? It is almost perfect, like the preserved parts of the Venus de Milo.

16:58 A cleaning lady with a punk hairdresser dances a striptease. MOTHER! Under her robe she was wearing a pink nightgown.

16:59 And she is also a MAN!

AAAAH!

17:00 A train from Zhitomir arrived at the Crooked Mirror station. Surely, now there will be speculation on the Ukrainian topic.

17:01 We were waiting for Leps, and then Stas Mikhailov suddenly showed up. There was a roar of approval from the editors. “Why don’t you recognize Mikhailov?” Yes, he has a huge cross - now I know. It’s surprising that in the joke about the Moscow-Zhitomir train there was nothing about “hokhlotema.”

17:01 The wall on the stage is decorated with a huge button. It pleases the eye and invigorates the spirit.

17:02 Damn, she's not alone there. Button, I mean.

17:03 On the screen, the unsuccessful Stas Mikhailov (according to the plot, his wife broke him off) stuffs (himself) a train ticket into his mouth. This is success.

17:04 “Are you struggling with a plunger? Time is running out,” this advertisement is clearly about our online. An hour has passed, another hour remains. “Look, this is the proliferation of bacteria,” this means the same thing.

17:07 More than half of the program has already passed. And do you know what thought comes to mind? That’s exactly what I want to say to the skeptics and whiners who think that everything is bad in our country and we are ruled by worthless people: “Look, pessimists, not everything is bad with us! Life goes on!” Oh, the joke about the Tashkent train.

17:09 The joke about the Tashkent train is that a “pseudo-Uzbek” is talking to a loudspeaker. “Audio bastard,” the “pseudo-Uzbek” insults the loudspeaker.

17:09 The Uzbek tie is impressive. It looks great against the buttons. A tie, I mean. Another man appears on stage, dressed as a woman.

17:10 For some reason, the Uzbek wife is also played by a man. No, definitely not everything is in order with Petrosyan’s casting.

like this

17:11 An Uzbek sings “mournful Chinese songs about the native, faded tundra.” A man and a woman dance and then go to sleep on the platform.

17:12 “Pseudo-Uzbek” met with “pseudo-Georgian”. Or rather the wife of a “pseudo-Uzbek”. In general, jokes about nationalities are floating around somewhere, but have not yet been explicitly expressed.

17:14 Some bald man, looking like a young John Lithgow, tried to steal all the things from the Uzbek, pretending to be his wife, who, in turn, went somewhere with the taxi driver. End. It's much more convenient to simply describe what is happening, without trying to provide it with your own jokes. But Sasha was sad about something.

17:15 I missed another joke, because Karenina came out in a vest. But it seems that Karenina is now playing a man. I don't understand anything. Women are played by men. And for men - Anna Karenina.

17:16 “Something has stopped being funny,” I say to Petya. “Yes, it became sad,” agrees Petya.

17:17 The song repertoire today is some kind of Cossack-Gypsy. “The Moonlit Path” sounds on stage. After this, a character appears, at the sight of whom I immediately remembered another piece from the Serbian philologist: “The laughter and grin of mermaids, devils, and witches in literary works of the 19th century most often accompany the appearance of a demon.”

17:18 Now the man plays a prostitute in a red dress. I thought this was cut out by the Rossiya-1 censorship.

17:19 A woman, that is, a man, a prostitute, meets her mother (also a man) at the station. "What are you doing at the station?" - Mom asks the prostitute. “I’m filming,” she says. Drama.

17:22 Oh, I’m completely stuck. The scene with the prostitute, mother and Soso Pavliashvili is mind blowing.

17:22 I listened again. A prostitute tells some woman about the New Year's "Blue Light" and introduces the taxi driver as Soso Pavliashvili. In response, he praises the mysterious “delicious whites.” I expect "white Moroccan dwarfs" to appear.

17:23 Sasha watches what is happening more closely and explains that “auntie” is “the mother of a prostitute.” But it doesn’t matter - they dance and sing again.

17:24 So, a new character appears in this scene. Cop. Or rather, a cop.

17:25 Oh, sorry, he suddenly became Lev Leshchenko. Need advertising.

Mmm...

17:26 The plot thickened. A policeman approached the prostitute. With the attack, they say, why are you up to the same old thing, you whore?" The prostitute tells her mother that the policeman is Lev Leshchenko. "The cop" for some reason begins to speak in the voice of Zhirinovsky, but then comes to his senses and begins to speak like a great singer. After that " Lev Valeryanovich" sings a song about a prostitute. Sasha opens a beer.

17:27 And again the song! "The playful Manka is standing..."

17:28 As I understand it, it was a sketch on the theme “Life is a complicated thing.” Oh great Anubis, this scene continues. With the participation of "Anna Semenovich". Sasha, who is this?

17:29 And that's not all! The girl from the station introduces her mother to her friend. Anna Semenovich!

17:29 And here comes Leps. He is small in stature and fresh as a bunch of dill. And he also sings about a prostitute. Let's dance, Sasha suggests.

17:30 Sing, don’t you know who Semenovich is? In folklore and television creativity, this is the “breast of Russia”.

17:31 And Leps is on stage. Together with Semenovich. They sing a song. By the way, Anna Semenovich is Anna Karenina again. Multidisciplinary actor - Karenina.

17:32 Shall we dance?

17:33 They write to us on Twitter: “Tell Alexander Polivanov and Pyotr Bologov to switch Petrosyan and Drobotenko to the TVC!!!” You will laugh (sic!), but our TV doesn’t work, we can’t switch it.

17:33 A man appears with a beer bottle on each finger. It turns out that this is the prostitute’s father and the auntie’s husband. He has a necklace of roach on his chest, but at the same time he complains that “there is nothing to eat at home.” End of story. Well, that’s cool, as I understand it, the station brought the family together.

17:34 A prostitute's mother has a hairy chest! AAA!

I've heard enough jokes

17:37 Advertising saved Petya and me, he went off to smoke, I’ll finish my beer.

17:40 “At the age of seven, he painted a watercolor icon of the Kazan Mother of God, although he grew up in a family of atheists,” - the second fact in the series 101 facts about Petrosyan . I remembered for some reason.

17:40 A Sapsan flew past the station. The loader opened his mouth in surprise. (c) Daniil Kharms

17:41 Two men discovered that they had no money for tickets. They find out who should get this money. One invites the other to beg. He answers him with a quote from “12 Chairs”. The first one says: “Then you will stretch your legs.” The audience applauds fiercely.

17:43 The guy can’t get enough money for a ticket - he has a competitor with a guitar and a shirt. This is apparently Leps. Or maybe Mikhailov. “For some reason they don’t adhere to a single storyline,” says Petya thoughtfully.

17:45 A man who sings classical songs comes into conflict with a man who sings chanson. Then the man who sings classic songs announces that he will play in the musical "Jolly Dwarves." All the money goes to him. He sings with happiness: “The melon in my melon patch is ripe.”...

17:45 Oh, again an Uzbek with a melon! Starts howling. The climax is near, it seems.

17:46 "Dyyynya! You're so crazy!"

This is us, the hosts of this wild online

17:48 An Uzbek sings a lyrical song about a melon to a well-known tune that no one can remember. Damn, now I'm going to suffer. "Melon, you are my goddess!" He won't let go.

17:49 A song sounds familiar to everyone who has at least once come to Gurzuf to relax and harm the liver. "Farewell from all train stations..."

17:50 Before the end of this brilliant performance, “Russia-1” launched another advertisement. "Shapovalov is a real man." Yeah, we’ve already heard enough of “real” men here.

17:51 Petya was tormented for about five minutes about what tune the song “Dyyynya! You are my bogginya” was sung to, and finally sent this link. Something is too lyrical for "Distorted Mirror".

17:55 “My address is not a house or a street, my address is a dining car.” It was at the end that they started a song marathon.

17:56 “Together we’ll dry the wet laundry,” this is a new song. "Wet underwear!"

17:56 In general, apparently, the matter is about to faint, in the sense of the end. Because all the “actors” are on stage and everyone sings. Something of our own.

17:56 A cover of Sinatra is played with lyrics about dirty laundry.

17:57 Sasha says that the laundry was not dirty, but wet. But this no longer matters, since a song about the global financial crisis and “homeless witches” is heard on stage.

17:58 Insanity grew stronger.

17:59 "Ay lyu-li, ah lyu-li, the Zhiguli has fallen apart." We can’t keep up with all the songs anymore. “And a hairless poodle is flying from the windows”...

This is, of course, the last cat for today

17:59 And that lady, who is the mother of a prostitute, looks like Benny Hill. He/she also sings.

18:00 “How delightful is the station bistro,” sings the policeman. In general, it’s kind of boring with just songs. I don't like musicals. “And a hairless poodle is flying out of the windows” - well, what is this anyway?

18:02 The audience is in absolute ecstasy. Petya and I, I must say, are also surprised by what is happening.

18:03 I wonder if they sing songs that they came up with, but which were not included in the main part of the drama? “I’ll think about what it was,” the man sings to the tune of “You’ll wake me up at dawn”...

18:03 An Uzbek sings about his own pickup methods. It will be more convenient with whiskey, the Uzbek believes.

18:04 It seems they all took turns to sing. Moreover, several visits.

18:05 They came up with a lot of things, the songs still don’t end.

18:05 A loader is singing, similar to my friend, a political strategist from Kharkov. Taras, his name is, by the way.

18:07 But still, Sasha, you must agree that the participants of “Mirror” are the happiest people. After all, they themselves are disgusted with what they do. And this is the main thing.

18:09 I don’t know, Sing. Suddenly they come home, there is a wife, kids, this and that. And suddenly one of the kids says: “I saw you today on Lenta.ru.” And this comedian watches our online, reads, gets upset... and goes to the monastery.

18:09 To the monastery of the Church of Evgeniy Vaganovich Petrosyan? Undoubtedly, they will help him there. Maybe there will be a second episode now, Sasha asks. And I want to ask: “Is he still dancing?”

18:12 “Mad laughter, as one of the main proofs of the existence of the demonic world, as well as the presence of Eugene among the monsters warn Tatyana.” What does this mean?

18:12 Damn, it's not over yet. Songs again. Sing, what does your Serbian philosopher say about this?

18:13 Everyone bows and leaves the stage. I hope there won't be an encore?

18:13 It seems like the finale. There is a loader standing on the platform with a “23” badge on his chest. A fast train rushes by, the loader finds himself wearing only striped shorts.

18:14 Ay-ay-ay, it will be. But no, for some reason only one came out. And he's wearing striped shorts.

18:14 That's it, credits. From the last scene I concluded that it was not “42” even once, but “23”!

18:15 With this incredible opening, I want to say goodbye to you. I hope we will have many more opportunities to have fun, not only on April 1st, but, for example, on May 7th. Good luck everyone.

18:18 Yes, yes, I say goodbye to you too. Next time we will still hold a “Laughing Panorama”.

Distorting mirror April Fools online