Confession of a non-eyewitness

- Gentlemen!

Having uttered this word, the speaker smiled wryly at something of his own.

– I have gathered you here, in a narrow circle of especially trusted persons, to inform you of the decision of our informal Council, all the members of which you see before you, and on whose behalf I am holding a base before you..., I mean, a speech. There is no need to introduce them. You know all of them, they are serious people, they control the main financial flows of this country and deservedly enjoy your respect.

The speaker looked from under his brows at those present, hesitated a little, as if convinced of the truth of his words, and continued.

– Our meeting with you is informal and I will not name names. The individual members of the Government that I will mention will be designated by the names of historical characters of the 18th century. I am sure that it will be clear to everyone who we are talking about. Moreover, the positions they currently occupy are very similar to the positions of their prototypes in the past. To our meeting today..., i.e. meeting, a lesson on the History of that period, I hope you memorized it? Nickname..., I beg your pardon, pseudonyms or nicknames, in a modern way, were chosen with meaning, with a deep meaning. Clear?

There was a roar of approval.

– That’s the same... There is only one question on the agenda, or rather an answer. The Moor has done his job, the Moor must go.
A simultaneous creaking of chairs was heard in the rows, which indicated a synchronized tension of thought in the corresponding places of the organisms present. But after the piercing gaze of the presenter, a ringing silence fell into the hall.

“We are respectable people now, we will be able to reach an agreement among ourselves in a civilized manner.” We no longer need a breeder. Yes, and public opinion needs to be appreciated. The further stay of... uh, Mikhail Ivanovich in the position of HIMSELF becomes inappropriate for the security of the state, and ours too. What shall we say to the public? What a long time to split hairs. You probably remember this document from the GEC members of August 1991?

The leader of the meeting looked at the piece of paper lying in front of him.

– Due to the impossibility for health reasons of fulfilling... uh the duties of the President... uh and the transfer of powers in accordance with the article of the Constitution... to the Chairman of the Government, in order to overcome a deep and comprehensive crisis, political, interethnic and civil confrontation, chaos and anarchy, which threaten the life and safety of citizens... In general, let's update this masterpiece a little, and it will pass for third grade. From this statement it is clear who will perform the duties of HIMSELF. The thronemaster already has experience, let him rule a little more. Moreover, he likes these sandbox games. Everything is legal, according to the Constitution. A mosquito won't hurt your nose. As Ostap Bender said, the Criminal Code must be respected. Gee. And so that he doesn’t throw it away, we’ll bind him with “conditions.” Well, like under Anna Ioannovna .

Suddenly, in complete silence, someone’s cell phone rang. Everyone shuddered as if scalded. Only the presiding officer did not even move his ear.

- Well, why the fuck..., were you scared? It's called conspirators. They warned us to turn off our phones. It will happen again, I’ll put it in the corner... Let’s continue. As a result of this combination, as you understand, the position of the Prime Minister is vacated. So we conferred here, and I decided that of all the Deputy Prime Ministers, the most compromising figure should be installed in the Chairman’s place, so that none of the clans would have advantages. Everything should be according to concepts, that is, in fairness.

After these words, the speaker looked first at those sitting on his left, then on his right.
– The most suitable figure is... uh Biron . This “Duke of Courland” has become quite skilled in the construction of Olympic facilities in Sochi. Moreover, he will be responsible for the Olympics itself in 2014. Let him work here and there, otherwise the devil himself won’t figure it out after him. And time is running out. You can’t lose face in front of the world community. In general, God himself commanded.
At the same time, the speaker straightened his tie and pulled himself up, pleased with himself.

- It's decided, I said. And the observer in the Government will be... uh Osterman . Osterman propaganda, what does it sound like? More precisely, it won’t, but it already exists. Our main puppeteer, a virtuoso of sovereign democracy... is an undercover beast. But, my own.

After these words, the speaker grinned.

- And so as not to completely bury himself, so to speak, for balancing we have Minich . He also oversees the fuel and energy complex, he also monitors food markets, and he is also on the Board of Trustees of the Skolkovo Foundation. He’s... well, just like Zheglov’s. Or like the Hindus, God Shiva is one in many faces.

Satisfied with his encyclopedic knowledge, the presenter continued.

– Well, let’s not talk about the rest for now, in business order. Well, in general, that’s all. Thank you all for the insightful discussion. We will inform you additionally about the conventional sign for the start of the operation - maybe Swan Lake will be released through all channels? This will make you laugh. Okay, let's think about it. That's it - we're leaving.

PS The author will not claim that the above story is pure fiction, and all coincidences and associations are an accident. As is customary in epilogues of similar texts. If there is such a thing, it is only in form. But in fact, this is reality, gleaned from reliable sources. Let's be patient and make sure that my words are true. There's not long to wait.