Member growth as a national idea

I recently read an article in which, with reference to foreign sources, it was claimed that the members of Russians have become longer! Not party members, but simply members who are anatomical. Imagine!

I don’t know how English scientists managed to make such interesting measurements; there’s not a word about it in the article. Maybe they walked around the bathhouses with a caliper, maybe they worked from a satellite using GPS, but the results are obvious - compared to last year, this part of the average Russian’s body showed an increase of 0.09 cm. That is, almost a millimeter per year.

Skeptics, of course, will grimace - only nine tenths of a millimeter, not an increase, but nanotechnology. And they will be wrong. Because if you multiply this 0.09 by the number of people in the country who have the corresponding organ, you get a collective growth of 60 km. Imagine! Horizontally, this is equal to the distance from the Kremlin to Yakhroma (where the White Pillars madhouse is), and if you put it vertically, it will be seventy (!) times higher than the largest skyscraper, Burj Khalifa. If this continues, then soon our growth will be beyond the boundaries of the earth’s atmosphere and will go into outer space! What is a national idea?! With such achievements, it’s time to open the “Memberkeeping” pavilion at VDNKh (can be converted from “Beekeeping”) and the corresponding committee in the Duma.

Of course, there are plenty of blind spots in the work. It is not at all clear whether the increase depends on position held or party affiliation. Where is it more significant - among parliamentary parties or among non-systemic opposition? Unfortunately, English scientists did not study this most important issue, but in vain. But I am sure that 92% can, as always, be safely attributed to the ruling party.

Many people ask whether this millimeter can improve the demographic situation in the country or is its value purely decorative? I don’t know, I think this requires experimentation and experimentation.

How does the Russian Orthodox Church feel about this problem? This almost millimeter - is it from God or from the evil one, is this connected with the growth of Orthodox sentiments, is there something sacred or blasphemous hidden here? I am convinced that the church must somehow illuminate this problem, and perhaps sanctify it.

Although I do not exclude that the message could be a newspaper duck with the aim of undermining our authority. Like, it’s good that at least something is growing in their country! I think every Russian is obliged to take a vigilant look at the relevant body and directly answer the question - is there a real increase or are we dealing with another provocation by Western intelligence services. What are they actually hinting at? Why do they have agent 007 there, while we only have 009? It won't work!

Now about the reasons. It should be clear to skeptics that the trend of steady growth indicates political stability, the right political course and a steady increase in well-being. Nothing like this grows from a bad life. So here we have not just a medical fact, but an increase in size that has great political significance. For that, thanks to science. Because now, if all sorts of human rights activists demand a change of course, respect for some human rights and other democratic nonsense, we can safely send them to 0.09 cm of you-know-what.

And one more important point. If you multiply this almost a millimeter per year by ten years, you get an increase of almost a centimeter, and if by a hundred, it’s as much as nine, which will allow our compatriots to surpass today’s record holders in this discipline from Ghana and other warm countries in the next century!

And most importantly, the increase in what is usually called male dignity will perhaps allow some of our fellow citizens to gain normal human dignity, which, alas, they are still sorely lacking.