Translated material
"I will not give Putin anymore"
Former hostage Alexander Rozovskaya - The New Times
"You can’t spend life on fears, boredom, on care." Alexander Rozovskaya in the musical Nord-Ost played one of the main roles-Katya Tatarinova in childhood. During the capture of hostages, she with nine actors from the children's troupe and two teachers spent three days on the balcony of the theater center on Dubrovka. During the rescue operation, Alexander lost her cousin Arseniy Kurilenko and her friend Christina Kurbatova. Sasha stood a professional actress and plays in Ramt (Russian Youth Theater). She told The New Times, why she could not hear the sound of the disconnected scotch tape, about Putin, with whom she drank tea at the age of 14 and which she no longer gives her hand, and that time does not heal 
The buffet for Ramt employees is filled with medieval visitors. These are the actors who did not have time to change their costumes who ran here during the break between rehearsals. With a limp, a beautiful girl enters with brown hair. This is Alexander Rozovskaya. In the Saturday performance “Scarlet Sails”, she broke a ligament on her leg: a bandage, lidocaine - and rehearsals from noon, in the evening - performances. Sasha almost always plays the main characters: Assol, Cinderella, Dulsine in Don Quixote. “A lot of interesting work,” Sasha knocks on the table. “No matter how to jinx it.”
These three days
The musical "Nord-Ost" was the first serious performance for the Rozovskaya. She was 13 when she sang “how many good girls” and passed the casting. And 14, when the very setting of the musical happened.
At the time of the capture of the building, Sasha was in the rehearsal hall. By the anniversary of the premiere of Nord-Ost, the troupe prepared the concert program “World musicals visiting Nord-Ost” *** Later, the concert was renamed “Nord-Ost, we are with you!”. During the rehearsal, a man entered camouflage with a machine gun in his hands. He ordered everyone to leave the rehearsal hall. At first, the children thought that it was a draw, and laughed, but when they saw that the performance was stopped and the people around in a panic realized that this was not a joke.
Of all the negotiators who went into the theater building, Sasha saw only Leonid Roshal, who brought with them several children under 13 years of age. The rest were not released. “They explained to us that in Chechnya the children of our age are already fighting and we are full -fledged fighters,” says Sasha.
Each time someone was taken out, the children had a hope that the next time they would take them. The children were ordered to call their parents to arrange a rally on Red Square with a demand to withdraw troops from Chechnya. Sasha’s father, the artistic director of the “at the Nikitsky Gate”, Mark Rozovsky told The New Times that in the very morning he had come to Red Square, but saw that it was blocked. Before Cordon, Mark Grigoryevich saw his friends and colleagues - Alexander Gelman, Yuri Ryashentsev, Mikhail Kozakov, Vladimir Dolinsky. The soldiers replied that they would miss people if there are a lot of people and the rally will authorize. Then Mark Rozovsky through Echo of Moscow called Muscovites to support them. But the rally was still not agreed. After that, people who came to the rally decided to raise posters right behind the Cordon on the Vasilievsky descent. “I remembered one smiling millionsur who walked in the crowd and carefully copied all the texts and slogans into the notebook from posters,” says Rozovsky. Children were still not released. The Rozovsky brand is outraged that so far no one has been responsible for the terrorist act.
The guys slept all for three days, putting the seats under the head tore off the seats. "It seemed to us that if they cover them, it would save from the bomb." Teachers wrote prayers to them so that they could read those who do not remember words. “I don’t know how to tell what happened there,” says Sasha.
When gas was allowed into the hall, the children began to break the scenic costumes with which they took refuge from the cold, and moisten them with water to breathe through the wet tissue, applying it to the face. Alexandra recalls how one of the Shahidok asked to give a wet rag to her. “There is a version, experiences with this gas were put on us, which was supposedly not visible and was not felt. I saw and felt. Not even everyone fell asleep there. ”
Life after
After the terrorist attack, Alexander in the theater did not speak and was not going to be an actress. In 2004, still a schoolgirl, she went to journalism courses at Moscow State University and wrote to a “light”. And then everything changed again: “I was almost already credited to the journalism faculty, but I went to the performance of Peter Fomenko“ The Mad of Shayo ”. Then I realized that the theater is what I want to do. Everyone around said that I was crazy, it is impossible to go there. But it was important for me to prove to myself that I could. "
Sasha Rozovskaya held a competition in which 1,100 people claimed one place, and graduated from GITIS with a red diploma. The work in Ramt considers success: "Here, understanding and helping colleagues, the atmosphere of love."
But on the theater radio, the invitation sounds to continue rehearsal, the actors in the buffet slowly begin to gather, and we climb the dressing room. The 24-year-old actress Rozovskaya is all in an adult way: bouquets of flowers, a homemade doll of Assol, which some fan left on a passing one. And nearby, on the table, - photographs of the dead on Dubrovka: friends of Christina and cousin Arseny. “These are my guardian angels,” Sasha says, and her face acquires a childish and confused expression. She is 14 years old again.
Do you consider your salvation a miracle?
This is a miracle and great luck. And since I survived, it means that you need to take the opportunity to live, and not live. We do not feel life, we miss the most important. You can’t spend life on fears, boredom, on care.
And what do you want to tell the audience?
My heroines, and Cinderella and Assol are girls who believe in “not tries”, in spite of any difficulties. A miracle may not happen, but we must always live with such an installation that it will happen. Belief is incredibly difficult.
In the finale of the “scarlet sails” of Assol and Gray on the stage, Ramta does not touch each other: “So it is necessary that everyone can see something for himself. Someone says that then there will be a happy end, and someone is waiting for a shipwreck. After Nord-Ost, I realized that we have very little time. You need to be able to get yourself out of panic states, like the Baron Munchausen by the hair from the swamp.
On the same “theater” table lies a collection of articles by Anna Politkovskaya “For what?” Rozovskaya tries to read everything that they write about the attack: “I remember about Nord-Ost several times a day. Unless after ten years some people of terrorists begin to be forgotten. Time does not heal. It's just that it’s easier to talk about it now. ”
Sasha does not make the sound of the unsped tape: with them, the suicide bombers attached to them explosives to the belt. She cannot see women in a burden, although she does not have hatred of Chechens. It cannot remain calm when a fake gun is guided by a joke or during the game. She remembers how the automatic queue sounds, which was released at the beginning of the special operation. For some time after the attack, it was difficult for her to enter the buildings, and especially - into the theater on Dubrovka. Here she played twice more. I had to change clothes in the same dressing room. “Why did this happen to me? You see, this happened to many people. I ask myself another question: not why, but what to do, what to change in myself, since it happened? "
"I will not make a hand" *
After the tragedy, the president invited the children to his appointment. Alexandra was then “not so conscious”, she didn’t really understand what was happening, and she shook his hand: “Now I would not do it anymore.”
“I remember how at the reception the president talked about how the alpha special forces neutralized the suicide bomber, how he burst into the hall and saw that in one hand of the suicide bomb, and in the other - a pistol. Shahida shot and missed, and the fighter shot right in the eye and demolished her half a head. So I remember how Putin, children, tells us with burning eyes, and I listen to it, drink tea with sweets and look into a gilded cup. ”
Sasha suggests that in this way the president wanted to show the level of professionalism of people who conducted a special operation. But in the professionalism of ordinary fighters, she does not doubt: she and her father still dream of finding and thanking the one who carried her out of the hall. "
The guys slept all for three days, putting the seats under the head tore off the seats. "It seemed to us that if they cover them, it would save from the bomb."
“Sasha’s questions are exclusively to the organizers of the rescue operation. She begins to talk about how people have deduced by gas, because their tongue was sunk and when they were taken in ambulances, there was no one who could follow them; one parent took out his still breathing child from the black bag ...
Putin’s reception and compensation of 60 thousand rubles after the tragedy are all the participation of the state in the life of Alexandra Rozovskaya after the attack. Her family did not sue. She is still not clear what consequences caused gas in the body. Since its composition is unknown, doctors do not conduct any preventive procedures, and blood tests are still bad. After the injection of the antidote, which she made in her neck, Sasha could not turn her head for two months.
Every year, at the end of October, journalists are calling Sasha. This year they called to two federal channels. In one gear, they asked that all the former hostages would hug and "withstand the Moscow Art Theater."
“What is it at all? - says Sasha. -I do not want to speculate on the topic "Nord-Ost". I would go if we were answered there to the question, for which they awarded officials who organized a special operation. But they will not tell. "
In the middle of the conversation, outwardly, completely calm and cheerful Sasha shows her wet palms: “I am worried - I had never had this before, they told me that it was from gas and should go at 18 years old.”
Sleep with a good end
Actors of the children's troupe, who survived after the Nord-Ost, became neighbors in theaters. They go to each other for premieres. “Between us is a special connection. And when we are sitting in a large company, we understand that there is between us something that we can never explain to others. ”
Rozovskaya on the move lists all comrades by name: Oleg Savtsov, Alisa Gorshkova from the Moscow Art Theater; Philip Avdeev, Roman Shmakov from the workshop of Kirill Serebrennikov; Maxim Salnikov, Dasha Fomina, Anya Tsukanova from the Schukinsky School; Vitalik Rosenvasser, Misha Filippov from GITIS. 
Sasha is now playing with some artists from the adult troupe of Nord-Ost, which is very proud of. “I love Elena Kazarinova very much, she helped me prepare for admission to GITIS. In the play "Nord-Ost" she played my grandmother. "
Every year on the night of October 25 to 26, on the night of a rescue operation, Sasha dreams of Nord-Ost. Details, faces are changing, but the end of sleep is always bad. For the first three years, she woke up in fear, for the last six years she was afraid to fall asleep, only in the morning she could take a nap. “The psychologist told me that I need to try to imagine the same dream, only with a good end, but so far it doesn’t work out,” says Alexandra.
At the end of the conversation, Sasha adds: “If this is given to us, we must remember this. It’s easier not to know anything, as if everything is in order. It always seems to us: nothing depends on you. And then suddenly it concerns you personally. Please write down: I want to be greedy for life. These words of Okudzhava are repeated to us by our master Alexei Borodin: "Let me be greedy - just not stingy."