Berlusputin

On the Chistoprudny Boulevard near the monument Abu Theater.doc played his most poisonous political performance* about Polica and Berlusconi Friends-Politics

(Excerpts of December 11, 2012) **

A large room equipped with television studio: television cameras, sofits, reflectors. In the depths of the stage - a large screen, chairs. The light is muffled. Actress Zhanna and the director go on stage.

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Zhanna: Yes. You know, I will not wait for rehearsals. Tell me, what is the script about? What is the essence?

Director: In general, the basis of history is a tragedy, however, as in any worthy satire. The main characters are Putin and Berlusconi. / .../ These two characters at a certain moment change their brains ...

Zhanna: In what sense - brains?

Director: In the sense of two, one is made.

Director: Berlusconi sincerely believed that Putin trusted him more than any other European leader. Berlusconi likes Putin-Macho's image and his authoritarian government style. Berlusconi even believed that he himself looked like Putin. Putin also showed an extraordinary attachment to his Italian friend.

Zhanna: Yes, yes, I see. And what's next? And what does the brain have to do with it, exchange?

Director: I'll explain now. The old faithful friend of Berlusconi visits Putin for the famous cottage in Sochi. By the way, have you seen Putin’s cottage in Sochi? This is a chic palace in the Italian style, the construction of which cost our taxpayers $ 1 billion. The Berlusconi is placed in a very beautiful room with a wonderful alcov for him and one of his nymphs. The purpose of his visit, as always, is kept secret from the press. At night, this is a little strange, he puts on not pajamas, but a kimono for judo ...

Jeanne: Kimono? Why?

Director: Because Putin Master of Sports in judo, and Berlusconi wildly like it. He has long been without a kimono, he can neither sleep nor make love. And at night there is a tragedy in the country: several people in masks burst into the Berlusconi room. (Naturally, they wanted to kill Putin, but mixed up the rooms!) Berlusconi instantly jumps out of bed and gets into the judo’s combat rack (in his imagination - the image of a combat Russian president, and the terrorists in the dark could not distinguish one from the other!), But then they notge that these people are armed, and let's talk. The conversation is the only alternative to violence. If you have something against me, we will discuss, and perhaps we will find a solution. ” And the terrorists: “Necessarily! Here is our solution! " -And Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa, open the fluid fire. At this time, Putin, who slept in the next room, hearing shots, runs into the Berlusconi room. On it, too, instead of pajamas, kimono. He instantly stands into the combat rack, but then he notices the weapon in the hands of terrorists and makes an unexpected psychological maneuver: “How does the homeland begin? I can sing, I can read the poem “Tandem in Russia more than a tandem ...” And terrorists: “Efremov reads better! And you sing so that your ears are in a tube! " - Paf! They shoot him right on his forehead, he falls. And then Siren begins to yell! Fortunately, a whole delegation of Italian surgeons was among the Villa guests, they came to the Congress of Transplant surgeons. They come to the aid of dying, and then take them to the hospital. On the way, Berlusconi dies, and Putin is on the hair from death, but there is still hope. In the hospital, doctors decide on a brain transplant: the intact hemisphere of Berlusconi transplants Putin instead of one of his hemispheres - crushed and therefore already unusable. The operation is very complicated, but the surgeons are optimistic: "It will be like a new maximum in a week." Indeed, after seven days, Putin comes to his senses, looks in surprise, feels his bandaged head and says: “Where is I? What's happened?" The Italian doctor replies: "It's okay, you have a little trauma, you were in a coma, not for long." - "How many?" - "Seven days." - "Damn it! And you call it - not for long. I can't stay here anymore, I have a lot of things! " -“Maybe to connect you with one of your assistants, with some minister ...”-“What other ministers?! I urgently need Monica Bellucci, Sharon Stone and Gerard Depardieu! I have a performance in the Barvikha Laksheri Villanga concert hall! I will sing: “Why are birches noise in Russia?”! Who will applaud me? " And here the prologue ends. What do you say?

They sang at the monument at the monument, read poetry

Zhanna: Tell me, how does the powerful president once feel with two different hemispheres of the brain - Italian and Russians? It seems to me that after such an operation it should be almost a moron ...

Director (interrupting) : You are mistaken!

Zhanna: Well, how mistaken in? You yourself just said that he was behaving like crazy! And what, in this state will appear in parliament, start working, conduct meetings?

Director: You definitely noticed! Everyone in the world already doubts his adequacy, but here is so inappropriate - the incident! And while he, as it were to say this ... a little out of himself, the situation in the country can completely fly to Tartarara! The opposition will raise his head, the Kremlin will sing “Pussy Raiot”, the Moscow pool will again be exposed, Khodorkovsky will be released, the early real elections will be arranged and write disappeared. To prevent this, the head of the FSB suppresses the spread of unwanted information. No one - not a single deputy, minister or simple citizen - should find out about the tragedy in the country and transplant operations.

Jeanne: The beginning is intriguing. And what's next?

Director: Unfortunately, two or three more actors besides you are needed to set up.

Jeanne: And they are not?

Director: No, eat. I found two wonderful actors, just on today's scenes, but yesterday I read the script for them ...

Zhanna: And they didn't like him?

Director: No, on the contrary, these morons admired here, groaned, gasped: “What an idea! What a plot! How much humor, grotesque! " One generally said: "It's so grand that I would play even for free!" And then in one voice: “It's a pity, I'm busy now, I have already signed a contract. Maybe the next time. Goodbye ” - and owl ... evaporated.

Zhanna: Put in his pants!

Director: Exactly. I learned that both of them are members of the United Russia party. One of them was even Putin's confidant in the election! But we are carrying the main character to the right ...

Zhanna: Putin? Don't you think that they can be understood? Even if you are firmly sure that your liver will not be smeared with asphalt, and then they will not be fined for a million, then why rock the boat?

Director: Jeanne! You have outdated rhetoric! If earlier they said: “Do not swing the boat”, now they are asked to “do not anger the wounded beast”. A little more, and they will beg "not to offend the old sick person."

Zhanna: Well, seriously! Who can replace Putin? Nemtsov, or what? Or Misha is two percent? Or is this representative of the Mrown Apple party Yavlinsky? We do not have another candidate for the role of the national leader!

Director: You are now very similar to Katya Andreev! You quote the propaganda cliches of Channel One! I thought that only men from Nizhny Tagil believe them! (The actress rises from the chair.) What's the matter? Are you leaving too? Are you a unicorn too?

Zhanna: No, no, I just wanted to correct the hairstyle, compare myself with Katya Andreeva. (Mim stands a mirror, the actress looks in it.) Be calm, I will not leave! You know ... And I love the satire. Although, you know, satire satire is discord. I hate a political satire, which instead of a naked king strives to slip the king in his underpants!

The play was played at night in the open air

Director: Oh, no, we will not be content with the king in shorts! In his underpants, he himself is often shown, showing everyone his aging torso. No! We will undress him on the very “cannot”!

Jeanne: Great! Do you have a sanction for this?

Director: Zhannochka! Well, what can be the sanction on creative?!

Jeanne: Well, I don’t know ... I would be careful in your place to laugh at the president without a sanction! Today he is no longer the same as he came to politics 12 years ago, with a wagging tail and a shutter smile.

Director: Yes! Now he himself glossy arrogance! The rudeness itself!

Zhanna: And how else, when in his hands all power, army, police, when he controls oil and gas companies, the media. He is our king actually! And if he wants, he can remove any objectionable dissenter.

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The material was prepared with the participation of Franca Rama Translation: Paolo Cargo, Svetlana Belova Authority author: Varvara Faer

Photos: Denis Vyshinsky/Kommersant, RIA Novosti