Translated material
New Year's fable
Characters
Bear
Teddy Bear
Fox
Wolf
Elk
Beaver
Hare
Squirrel
And also: wild boars, hares, ferrets, chipmunks, hoofed lemmings, moose and other animals.
Act I
Taiga. Animals gathered in the clearing. A bear sits on the throne - the Master of the taiga. A bear cub plays at his feet. Boars, foxes, and wolves crowded around the throne. A little further, at a safe distance from the predators, other forest people lined up.
Bear (with tears in his eyes) - ... And I thank everyone present for the high trust they placed in me (burps) ... 140% of voters voted for the party of bears and wild boars "United Taiga" ... (drinks a cup of honey and snacks on ham)
Beaver (Moose) - What 140%? Is he already quite that?
Elk - 40% are those they have eaten in the last year.
Beaver - Damn, they'll get to us soon, look how the wolf is licking his lips...
Hare - They say that a drought is coming, a hungry year. It’s not for nothing that Pallas’ cat and gazelle are already migrating to us from the south...
Moose - Really got it...
Beaver - Here recently on the Yenisei the dam collapsed, half of the taiga was flooded. Why? Because the wild boars dug up the supports in search of acorns, and the bears killed a third of the beavers. Animal blood is not enough for them, the bastards!
Meanwhile on the podium
Fox (addressing the wolf) - Do you hear?
Wolf - I hear.
Fox - Fauna is unhappy.
Wolf - Why should she be happy? I'm also unhappy. The bears eat so much that I have only scraps left. Eh, with the old bear it was a completely different matter... (nods towards the stuffed old bear, immortalized in his favorite pose: with a bottle of vodka in one paw and a balalaika in the other paw).
Fox - Yes, then the “Law of the Taiga” was still observed...
An ever-increasing roar can be heard from the crowd of gathered animals.
- Got it!! Beast eaters!
- Down with everyone! Let's tear it apart!
- Freedom!
Sparrows fly over it and chirp:
- Freedom, freedom, freedom!
The bear, cub and wild boars are slightly confused. The boars close around the bear and expose their fangs.
Little Bear - I'm a panda, panda, panda, I'm a panda, not a bear...
Wolf (to himself) - Well, it seems our time has come! (out loud) - Yes! Freedom! Down with the tyrant!
Lisa - And I'm with you! Long live the "Law of the Taiga"!
Wolf - We want to live like in a civilized jungle!
Bear - Ah... Oh... Fuck you all into the swamp! (extends claws)
Fox - But the bear is no longer the same.
Wolf - Yes, there seems to be something wrong with his back. But he’ll tear it apart... We’re the closest to him.
Fox (to the side) - Well, let’s say, he won’t tear me apart, for daddy’s sake...
Wolf (to himself) - We must go to a safe place... (out loud) - Animals! You heard what the bear said! Let's go to the swamp and put forward our demands from there to the so-called "owner of the taiga"!
In slender herds, chanting slogans, the animals leave the clearing towards the swamp.
Act II
An island in the middle of a swamp. It is filled with animals. A wolf and a fox are speaking on the trunk of a fallen tree.
Wolf - You are all individuals!
Animals - Yes! We are all individuals! No! Down with! Get out of the stands! (Whistling, applause)
Squirrel - Look at my skin.
Wolf - You are all individuals!
Animals - Yes! We are all individuals! No! Down with! Get out of the stands! (Whistling, applause)
Squirrel - Look at my skin.
Wolf - Freedom - Yes! Bear - No!
Animals - Yes! Freedom - Yes! Bear - No! No! Down with! Get out of the stands! (Whistling, applause)
Squirrel - Look at my skin.
Beaver (addresses the moose) - However, I’m already fed up with this, we’ve been standing for five hours.
Moose - Me too. They talk the same thing. Maybe you can say something?
Beaver - Somehow weird... Still, a fox, a wolf. OK. Please speak!
Wolf (licking his lips) - Please, to the podium.
The beaver, reluctantly and timidly looking around, climbs onto the tree trunk.
Beaver - Comrades!.. (looks at the wolf and the fox) Fellow citizens!.. (the fox bares its teeth)... Ladies and gentlemen! Freedom - Yes! Bear - No! I fully support democratic demands. But is it possible to make sure that predators don’t eat us anymore...
The wolf and fox immediately rush at the beaver, and, without allowing him to finish, they tear the beast into pieces.
Wolf - Gentlemen, here we are discussing only general democratic demands! We will address the question of who eats whom after the overthrow of the tyranny of bears and wild boars. So, once again in unison: Freedom - Yes! Bear - No!
Squirrel - Look at my skin.
Beavers and moose - Come on, guys, we have nothing to do here. (Leave)
Gradually, other forest inhabitants disperse.
Squirrel (hysterical) - Either as a stuffed animal or as a carcass, take me out of this taiga! (also runs away)
The fox and the wolf remain.
Lisa - And so it all started well...
Wolf - What to do now?
Fox - How about we write a letter to the lion in Africa? He is, after all, the king of beasts. Let him send tigers and panthers, they will restore order here.
Wolf - We can write, but the lion has too many worries of his own... There is a drought.
Fox - Yes, and something went wrong with the bear...
Act III
Bear's den. At its entrance, the owner of the taiga feasts with a bear cub and wild boars.
Bear (slightly inebriated) - Let's pass a decree so that pigs in yellow slippers do not have the right to climb pear trees!
Boars - Grunt! Grunt! Grunt!
Bear (getting excited) - Now let's pass a decree renaming the taiga "Lukomorye"!
Boars - Grunt! Grunt! Grunt!
Bear - And then we will pass a law on quotas for the export of meat from the taiga abroad!
Boars - Grunt! Grunt! Grunt!
A wolf and a fox approach
Fox (aside) - What a bastard, he wants to eat everything himself, but what about the market? (out loud) - Forgive us, bear!
Wolf - Forgive us!
Bear - I forgive only for the sake of dad.
Fox - You are still a bloody tyrant and beast-eater. In the spring, when you come out of hibernation, we will resume the fight against you. Can someone give me a ham?
The fox and wolf join the feast of bears and wild boars. Suddenly there is a quiet patter of paws. The predators look at each other. A white polar fox runs out into the clearing.
Arctic fox - Here I am. Didn't you wait?
Curtain