The first sex textbook for orthodox Jews

Illustration: Sarah Lazarovic

Sex is a piquant and complex topic for any person, and for ultra -ore Jews in Israel and even more so. To help this closed, living community to figure out what's what, Dr. David Ribner from Jerusalem wrote a sex textbook. Once near the office of Dr. Ribner, a sex shop was in the center of Jerusalem. The sign, on which in large red letters it is written “sex shop, sex, love”, still hangs, but you can read these words with great difficulty-the efforts of religious people are practically erased. The store did not go at the store. To date, only one sex shop is generally working in Jerusalem. And this is not surprising for the city in which tens of thousands of orthodox live. But in the office of Dr. Ribner, everything is different. There are numerous boxes with all kinds of lubricants, massage oils and vibrators. And on the book shelves, the instances of the Torah are adjacent to books called "Joy of Sex" and "How this is done."

First wedding night

Dr. Ribner was born in the USA. In New York, he learned to the rabbi and at the same time received a doctoral degree in sociology. Then he repatriated to Israel and has been advising religious patients for 30 years. In addition, he developed and introduced a course on sexotherapy into the program of the Tel Aviv University of Bar-Ilan. According to him, the need to create a guide or sex textbook for orthodox Jews has been shaking for a long time. Girls and boys from ultra -orthodox families study separately, and indeed they communicate little with outsiders of the opposite sex. They poorly know how to behave with each other and what to do. Even such innocent physical contact as a handshake is allowed only between relatives. Access to films and the Internet is strictly limited and controlled by senior. But, sooner or later, in the life of each of them the first wedding night comes, during which the spiritual union of the newlyweds must certainly become physical, that is, complete. So it is started, they expect this to “we want a source that young people could turn to, admitting to themselves:“ I don’t know anything about it, but I want to know at least something, ”says Dr. Ribner.

Sex in the envelope

Ribner believes that the newlyweds who have not communicated before the wedding with the opposite sex are experiencing stress on the first wedding night. “Textbook for newlyweds on the basics of physical proximity”, which Ribner wrote in collaboration with the researcher of the orthodox life of Jenny Rosenfeld, begins with the simplest explanations about the difference in the anatomy of men and women.

According to the authors, in principle, in Judaism, sex is considered a positive phenomenon, but at some stage in the development of religion it became openly forbidden to talk about it. “You can discuss sex only in the context of the marriage,” says Dr. Ribner. “In any other cases, this topic is closed, so it is very difficult for young people to find out anything.”
The new book is a kind of guide to potential readers in the forbidden territory. True, there are no pictures in it. However, a sealed envelope is attached to the rear cover. The inscription on it warns readers that inside there are "sexual patterns." Those who do not want to look at them can simply tear off the envelope and throw it away.
Dr. Ribner showed the contents of the envelope. It contained three pictures with a description of the main sexual poses. “We wanted to show people not only what to do with the genitals, but also how to place their arms and legs,” the doctor says. “If you have never seen this in a movie in your life and read in books, how do you know what to do.” The pictures show well -defined bodies, but without faces. “We have done everything possible so that no one would find anything offensive in them, and that this manual is accepted as many as the religious community as possible,” the author of the textbook emphasizes.
“We have looked at many other brochures about sex published for ordinary readers, but we came to the conclusion that all the illustrations used in them are too schematic for those who are only in touch with this topic for the first time,” Ribner believes.

Photo: BBC

Available about masturbation

Among orthodox Jews, even a handshake with an outsider is considered unacceptable freeness. The sexologist Pravda Pravda Pravdhon David Karmi is already holding several copies of the new textbook in his office and offers him to the attention of his customers. “This is a very useful book for those who have grown in a religious environment and have not received any knowledge in the field of sex,” says the sexologist. “The uniqueness of this book is that its authors openly talk about sexuality with an orthodox audience.”

Sex is a fundamental basis for orthodox and ultra -orthodox married couples, since their goal is to give birth to the maximum possible number of children. And with all this, it is on the topic of sex in the religious environment that the taboo is imposed, it is precisely this knowledge, even the most elementary, do not give boys and girls either in the family or at school.
According to Karmi, such silence about everything regarding sex made this topic shameful among orthodox, and those who are still trying to find out something about it are called molesters and rebels.
The textbook of Dr. Ribner was published last year in English, and soon it will appear in Hebrew, which will make it available to a much wider Israeli audience. According to the author, it was very difficult to find a progressively tuned translator from the environment of orthodox Jews who would not only translate the text to Hebrew, but also take into account the characteristics of religious readers, would speak them in the language that he understands. The authors of the original decided to do without the outskirts and clearly described certain actions, calling a spade a spade - in particular, oral sex and masturbation.

Sex passions

Professor of sociology Menacham Friedman, who wrote many works about the life and customs of the ultra -orthodox community of Israel, believes that the release of the textbook in Hebrew outlined in the near future can provoke a storm. “I believe that this will cause a violent negative reaction, at least among the most radical currents of Judaism,” he said.
At the same time, the professor is confident that such a book is necessary and the demand for it will be. But, in his opinion, few openly buy it, but there will be a lot of sales, as they say, from under the floor. In his opinion, many newlyweds experience real mental trauma when, after many years of complete isolation from the opposite sex on one beautiful night, they enter into sexual relations without any preparation.
To check what a reaction to the book of Dr. Ribner could be, I grabbed one copy into the training center for ultra -organization. There I met a bearded 22-year-old guy dressed in a traditional black frock coat. We retired in one of the classes, and I showed him a book. “I have never seen anything like it. I think that it is necessary to know about this, which means that this topic needs to be explained, and it must be done correctly, ”said the young orthodox.
Then he led me to an even more secluded place in order to without fear to consider illustrations. He had already begun to take pictures from the envelope attached behind, but suddenly changed his mind and put them back. “I'm not married yet. I'll wait until my time comes, ”he said.

Author: Daniel Estrin, journalist Pri's The World

Original material on the website of the "Russian BBC service"