Five of our films that could become better

Chronically dissatisfied with the level of Russian cinema Colta.ru decided to act as scenario doctors and turn their most unloved films this year into their beloved with several light movements. How? Just adding pigs, for example.

"A long happy life"

To remake the story of the situation in the village in the history of the plum of protest. No - poultrymen and potatoes, yes - Russian rebellion, heavy peasant psychology and meaningless rural gerille. The unusually kind and caring attitude of officials towards the hero Yatsenko may correspond to reality - but makes the whole conflict between farming and the administration completely inexplicable. Less "Berlin school", more than hell!

And be sure to add pigs prononized by the director Khlebnikov in all interviews without exception.

"Legend No. 17"

If an experienced moviegoer in “Legend No. 17” sees somewhat schizophrenic bifurcation on a patriotic baiopic and a metaphysical sports drama about a breakdown of character, then the beginner will confuse primarily the liberties in handling the facts of the biography of Valery Kharlamov (see the most readable text about the film ). Well, given that the best in the Legend is the insulating training on the Marten’s furnaces and the fictional meetings of the coach with an athlete in the morgue, we will advise the director and screenwriter from the dull truth of life once and for all. Replace the artist playing the hockey player’s mother with Nina Usatova’s criminally little in the frame (the more Usatova, the better!). Cross out an unripe romantic line: an athlete’s genuine novel is not with his wife, but a coach. As for the latter, the artist Menshikov already plays Tarasov with pure Mephistopheles - but the Faustovsky subtext of the “Legends” still needs to strengthen. We propose adding a long -out -to -go of the Menshikov’s gaze of the CGI of Fiery Blees, transfer the final battle with Canada from the standard hockey platform to the skating rink in the Alpine Mountains -and its only viewer to make the character “Legends”, which actually determined the Kharlamov era, that is, Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev.

"Major"

The complex of large Russian cinema and a schematic, the author imposed by the author, psychology is inconvenient things. To go back, to the genre, to add blood and dismemberment-wildness in the spirit of Korean cinema will make the viewer forget the questions like “Why the police major is sensitive and changeable like an 18-year-old girl?” Build a plot on a tears of a child who has been shot down by a cop - a dubious intake, it can be justified by subsequent hecatubes and bringing violence and lawlessness to tragicomic absurdity. Review “Rambo” and “Commando”, “Oldboy” and “Pursuer”, and write out the finds from there. Replace a dull and meditative guitar soundtrack with something less thoughtful.

"WHOSTER"

The heroes of the “peddler” neat in all respects also behave neatly - as it should be in the conditional European arthouse, and not in Russian life. Killers are written off with the customer, leaving a door in the door? The pizza breaker from the Mozhaisk region regrets that he killed a man from a three -room apartment on Ostozhenka? We do not believe. To clarify these amazing circumstances and remove two dangling plot appendix: Putin’s inexplicably long speech on TV (is this, a hint of the front?) And the equally inexplicable murder of an unidentified couple in the car, which takes place on the periphery of the plot. The scenes of youth sex in the barn, among the shit, are very good - there would be more of them.

"Geographer drank the globe"

In any scenario skill textbook it says that it is very uninteresting to watch a movie whose hero does not change in any way. However, there are exceptions - for example, the “autumn marathon”. Actually, to it - as well as to the entire corps of the seventy Soviet classics about a middle -aged crisis (“Flights in a dream and in reality”, “Vacation in September”) - and appeals “Geographer”. But there is a nuance - the heroes of Yankovsky, Basilashvili and Dahl languished in the grip of Soviet stagnation, their tragedy was a tragedy of a once good, but extra person. The geographer is just a dull m ... k. It is very difficult to associate yourself with M ... kom, even if you are also forty years old.

What to do? Add the angle (let the teacher Slovikin be impotent), the conflict (let him still sleep with the student), Sharm, finally (the hero of the book of Ivanov, according to which the film has been shot, has quite clear speech characteristics of the intellectual, the hero of the film reads poetry, excuse me, Pushkin). Comb the details - either remove the DOORS poster from the wall of the Service apartment, or force it to turn off the Vladimir Central. Visit the cellular intercourse and make sure that Alkonokia, on which the hero receiving 15 thousand a month, the hero shoots video art for her beloved girl, is not just unable to shoot video in 2k - but does not have cameras at all. Fix the casting - instead of Khabensky, take the writer Ivanov to the main role.