New life

Dear editors!

Since the release of the last issue, a lot of water has passed under the bridge and a lot of events have happened, it’s even breathtaking. Trade union rally, relaxation, news about some new version of the law on the reorganization of the Russian Academy of Sciences, shock and chaos, throwing, protests, festivities at the Duma, the return of the law to the second reading, more festivities, adoption of the law in the second reading, again festivities, adoption in the third reading, curses, disappointment and all that stuff. So to speak, laughter, tears, and love. In general, an epoch-making event happened last week: the Duma finally adopted a law on the reorganization of the Russian Academy of Sciences, despite all the protests.

Soon it will be approved by the Federation Council, and then it will be signed by the president. And the national leader will make the right and informed decision: he will sign the law and give a start to the necessary reform, which will free scientists from property and worries about it, as well as increase their salary by 25 thousand, which is what Deputy Prime Minister Olga Golodets dreams of. A new life will come, in general.

My colleagues, as always, are unhappy. How is it that Putin promised to take into account the proposals of the Academy, but the main thing - about the jurisdiction of the institutions - was not accepted?! Guard, they deceived me! I don’t understand what the question is: it is known that promising does not mean getting married, that they wait three years for what they promised. It is quite possible that in three years a corresponding amendment will be made to the law and the institutes of the Academy will be returned again. So there is no need to worry: hope and wait, your whole life is ahead.

Only some of my colleagues cannot do this. Unlike our beloved national leader, who has a warm heart, a cool head and clean hands, they behave like market women. Oh, what will happen now: theft of land, seizure of buildings in good places, massive layoffs, in general, disaster and apocalypse!

There is no need to create panic, nothing bad will happen. Mass layoffs? Yes, not so massive, twice in total, hardly more. Wow, how many of us parasites will remain hanging around the budget. Could some buildings and territories in the center or on Leninsky Prospekt be taken away? And rightly so, it’s high time to optimize this golden mile. We can compact ourselves a little and bring income to our beloved Motherland, which is again creeping into crisis due to the fault of foreign behind-the-scenes. With budget cuts looming, new revenue is desperately needed. Will bureaucracy crush academic scientists? Just think, at our universities the bureaucracy puts more pressure on us than at the Academy, and it’s okay - we’re quite alive and well, we’re only getting stronger.

Arguments of a general, so to speak, order are also used. They ignore the clearly and clearly stated position of scientists! You know, dear colleagues, if you listen to representatives of different industries, you won’t be able to reform anything. Or another argument. Laws cannot be passed in such a fire regime! It’s crazy to give a few hours to put forward amendments to such an important law and a couple of hours to discuss them. And in general, how can one do this, pushing the law from the third reading to the second and back?

And I remember an advertising story that I recently saw - how a small hamster drives a Volvo truck. The truck is standing on the edge of a cliff. A cage in the shape of a wheel is placed on the steering wheel, and a trained hamster, accustomed to running in the wheel for carrots, is released into it. An experienced driver, manipulating a carrot, makes the hamster run clockwise or counterclockwise by turning the steering wheel. And the hamster runs so quickly, back and forth, back and forth. With difficulty, with stops, but he is able to drive the truck from point A to point B. That's how good the truck control system is - even a hamster can do it!

I just laugh: the Swedes, with the help of a carrot, can manage a machine with a carrying capacity of 15 tons, but here, with the help of an administrative carrot, they can manage a country with a population of 150 million. This is a masterly art of management, not a bad practice!