Translated material
Children of non -traditional orientation
How they live and what psychologists and teachers think about it
On November 12, the next program of Arkady Mamontov “Special Correspondent” was released on the Russia 1 television channel, dedicated to the fight against the homosexual influence of the West on Russia. The participants competed in obscurantism: the State Duma deputy from the LDPR faction Mikhail Degtyarev promised to cure gays, and send the “violent” to the States; Elena Yampolskaya, editor -in -chief of the newspaper Culture, said that gays in Russia are made by stylists, not dad and mom; The presenter himself did not stop calling homosexuals sodomites and perverts. It did not occur to Arkady Mamontov that children for whom homosexuality were their nature - this is their nature. And as a result - constant bullying, loneliness, fear ... The New Times found out how such teenagers live and what teachers and psychologists think about the problem of homophobia from different parts of the country
Moscow. Ivanovo. An ordinary sleeping area, the gray sky lies on the roofs of white and blue high-rise buildings, there is school No. 1849 between bare autumn trees-a typical rectangular building with a courtyard and a guard at the entrance. Pasha Ionkin studied here, who came to Moscow in 2012 in search of tolerance: Pasha - Gay, and when they learned about this at his native school in Ulyanovsk, it became impossible to study there. “When I walked along the corridor, I was called and threw me with coins. In physical education in the locker room they pressed against the wall, they began to say that the fagots were not here, ”said Pasha The New Times.
The teachers of bullying ignored, and at some point Pasha completely stopped appearing in the lessons. “Every day I took the child to school, went to work, and he sat on a minibus and returned home,” his mother Vera Ionkin, the hostess of the logistics business in Ulyanovsk, shared with The New Times correspondent. Mom, by the way, was at first shocked by the “choice”, as she thought, the son: “I took him to a psychologist (“ The psychologist asked me, I am an asset or a passive, ”Pasha recalls,“ when I said that the asset said that I was not gay because gays are only passions ”), I sent my friend to the bathhouse with a woman with a woman. He became, ”Pavel comments), but then she read the articles on the Internet and decided that the main thing for her is the happiness of her child.
Outcast
 |
| Pavel Ionkin at LGBT-Promotions in Moscow May 6, 2012 |
The 11th grade Pasha decided to graduate in Moscow. Mom could not leave the business, so Pasha was rented an apartment and arranged to school nearby. At first, he did not tell anyone about his orientation, but then he opened one of the girls with whom he made friends, and this became the news of the number one: “It was customary for us to greet the hand. One morning no one gave me hands. I realized that they learned everything. ” Pasha by nature wrestler. And as it should be at his age - a maximalist. He easily goes into conflict, so relations with classmates quickly turned into a confrontation between the team and the loner of the homosexual, nervously reacting to any unsuccessful word.
Everything would be nothing if some teachers had not joined the conflict. “Only teachers of chemistry and biology supported,” says Pasha. “For the first trimester, I had five in almost all subjects, and then the teachers of mathematics, Russian, stories began to underestimate my estimates, even humiliate the whole class.” So, because of Pasha’s vision problems, you need to sit on the first desk, and once a mathematics teacher Julia Safronova irritably asked one of his classmates how he relates to Pasha. “Normally,” he answered. “She said that if it’s normal, then let her sit on the back desk, and Ionkin will sit alone like a master,” recalls Pasha.
The situation was heated when, in a history lesson, when discussing the political movements of the 20th century, Pasha objected to teacher Anna Gordeychik that Russia was not a liberal country at all: we say, there are no free elections and gay brothers. “She replied that gays are a disease and, thank God, that we don’t have them in Russia,” says Pasha. “In the classroom, everyone was rustled that she was right and so that I would shut up.” In the fields of his notebook, Pasha wrote a letter to the teacher with a request to stop pursuing him for orientation. A notebook was seized from him and called his mother to school. “They said that he had many passes, although in fact there were fewer than the rest. At some point, Pasha argued again with a history teacher. He spoke calmly and politely, but the health worker suggested calling the police, because Pasha, they say, behaved inappropriately, ”his mother recalls.
"
“She replied that gays are a disease and thank God that we don’t have them in Russia,” says Pasha. - In the classroom, everyone was rustled that she was right and so that I would shut up "
"
It must be admitted that in the notebook, still stored with the director, the correspondent of The New Times did not find Pashin’s letter, there was only a free retelling of how, according to Pasha, they taught them the story: “Stalin - for *** s, Roorsvelt - Pidor, Putin - God.” It is not known where the page with the letter went, but Pasha showed The New Times the VKontakte correspondence with a history teacher. “Hey, drocker, and we are interested in, you are shit in the ass or you,” Anna Gordeychik was curious in the social network. Teacher Gordeychik, The New Times, said in a personal conversation that "Pavel Ionkin did not send any messages." However, Pasha provided a screenshot of this correspondence.
"Promotor"
Screenshot from the correspondence of VKontakte Pavel Ionkin with the teacher of the history of Anna Gordeychik
Teachers of school No. 1849 regard the situation that has developed around Ionkin in their own way. Here they are sitting in front of The New Times in the director of the director: just dressed women with traces of everyday worries on her face, only teacher Gordeychik stands out with a bright white jacket. “We have a very good school,” says the social teacher Lyudmila Parakhina, “and Pasha had a good class. They were all athletes there, but despite this, no one beat him. ” Director Lyudmila Lavrova voices the “official” version of the events: “He wanted to leave for America. To get Grinkart, he had to somehow show himself. In terms of performance, he did not succeed, he was not the winner of the All -Russian Olympiads. How else can you achieve this? Scandal. At first he scandalized with the children, and the children succumbed to his trick, then he began to provoke teachers. ” Pasha says that he was not going to America, after school he left for Canadian Toronto, but not at all along the LGBT line: his mother arranged him for English courses so that he could go to the local university. (The New Times correspondent was interviewed by Pavel Ionkin, even when he was in Moscow, and after he moved to Toronto, he talked on Skype and on social networks.) Pasha in the Torontovo school boasts with positive reviews of teachers on his written work. Marvellous! You are One of the Best Students i've Ever Had (translated into Russian: “Great! You are one of the best students that I have ever had”), for example, an English teacher wrote to him. However, the director of his Moscow school, Ms. Lavrov, does not speak such a high syllable about Pasha. According to her, the student Ionkin was explained that his personal life is not interested in anyone, we must study at school. “But when he was refused Grinkart, he became uncontrollable”, “every day they expected something new from him,” “he called the OBZhchka teacher,“ he constantly walked, ”the teacher complained.
They also deny Pasha’s allegations that he was underestimated by grades. “After the missed 10th grade, he came completely zero,” says the director. The proof is the results of the exam: in the history of Pasha, 68 points, which, according to the director, corresponds to the top three, which the student reached at the end of the year. As the New Times in Rosobrnadzor explained, despite the fact that there is no official table of the USE into a five -point system of assessments, this result corresponds to the four more, and this coincides with the Pashina version: “After all the triples from Gordeychik, my results of the exam were one of the best in the classroom.”
However, the teachers indirectly supported Catherine (who asked not to indicate her surname), the psychologist of the organization “Children of the streets”, where Pasha turned for help: “This is really not such a bad school, the teachers seemed quite adequate to me. Pasha is a fighter, he translated any topic into his homosexuality, he believes that he can only be otherwise, he needs a situation when he becomes a hero. ” According to Catherine, in the situation with estimates, both options are possible: some teachers could recoup on the student who provoked them to the scandal, and Pasha could write too much to homophobia.
Presidential morality
“I always explain to the children that all people are different, someone is black, someone white, someone like this,” says the director of the Lavrov school, carefully avoiding the words “gay” or “homosexual”. “Maybe he is true, or maybe tomorrow he will marry and give birth to a bunch of children.” The topic of sexuality in the lessons is not raised. “The school is not a place to propagate any measures that are not taken by society,” the director said. And if the question still arises, as in the case of a dispute about liberalism and gay brothers? “I had to say that this is good? - Anna Gordeychik asks indignantly. - We have a children's institution here! ” "
“The school psychologist asked me about sexual violence in childhood, suggested that if a man raped me, I liked it, so I gay
“Our position (relative to homosexuality. - The New Times) is based on the Law on Education and on various documents,” explains the social teacher of parakhina. “Our position is the position of our president, the Moscow City Duma and the State Duma.” The school psychologist Elena Gavrilova is also holding the same opinion: “We must lead a person to the necessary conclusions of floods. He needs it? He may not be sure of this orientation.
Catherine from NGOs “Children of the streets” believes that teachers can be understood: they themselves did not explain what homosexuality is. “They told me that this is a disease, that it was one of the symptoms of Pashina schizophrenia or some other deviations. And since this is a sick person, then why talk about it as part of an educational program? " Bureaucratic restrictions are also imposed on the lack of information. “The psychologist is located between the administration and parents. It can be tolerant, but he has to oust the work with LGBT teenage, ”the psychologist and social teacher Julia Malygina told The New Times. - What if parents find out about this, they will raise a scandal? Maybe the psychologist from the Pashina school understood everything correctly, but simply could not say about it publicly. ” 
Who will be the first to leave the stone 
“Teachers basically ignore this,” admits Vladislav. - The class teacher said that I have no orientation that these are my beliefs, and the school psychologist explained that I myself am to blame: they say, I do not like homophobs, and for this they do not love me. She asked about sexual violence in childhood, suggested that if a man raped me, then I liked it, so I gay, and if a woman, then I didn’t like it, so I began to hate women. ” The social teacher called the mother of Vladislav to school and put her her son’s behavior: “My 12-year-old daughter asks me what gay is. And what should I answer? " - said the teacher. The answer, however, was found in the textbook of social science, according to which children at the Vladislav school are prepared for the exam: homosexuality on the textbook is an example of deviant behavior along with crime, drug addiction and prostitution. “The teacher knew everything about me. She specifically showed this, says Vladislav. “I said nothing, but let her know that he was ready to just break her.”
Vladislav binds the behavior of peers around the law on the prohibition of propaganda of homosexuality: “The director explained to my mother that the guys are simply self -realized. The state declared homosexuality with something terrible, and they expose themselves to fighters with this. Their methods are wrong, but what can you do. ” "
“Pidoras is a weapon of capitalism, which causes the collapse of society, the collapse of the country, and we would fall away from here,” the hope teacher quotes hope
“The 17-year-old hope from Vladivostok (the name was changed) agrees with this.“ When the law was adopted, homophobes were walking around in the city, ”she told The New Times.“ In September, I walked along our pedestrian “Arbata” and spoke on the phone with my girlfriend and I began to beat me with the Bible. I ran towards the police, he ran towards the police, he was running towards the police, he He caught me by the police, for which I did not threaten me with the detention, but I ran away about the homosexuality of Nadia at the school when she confessed to the classmate’s love. The capitalism that causes the decay of society, the collapse of the country, and we would fall away from here, ”Nadezhda quotes“ discussion of this law, ”the LGBT opponents gave indulgence,” said Sergey Yenikolopov, the head of the medical psychology department of the scientific health of the Russian Academy of Medical Academy, “and in adolescence it is usually not guided Mordoboy. "
Propaganda for himself 
As for LGBT teenage, the mechanisms of combating adolescence are the same: we need to talk about this at school, experts surveyed by The New Times agree. “You need to highlight some cool hours if there is a need,” said the Moscow psychologist Julia Malygina. But what about the law? “If the question arises in front of me to violate the so -called law or commit a pedagogical crime, I will not hesitate for a minute,” assures Alexander Ermoshkin and recalls that Russia occupies first place in Europe in the number of suicides among adolescents: it is possible that there are many children and such as Pavel, Vladislav, hope among these hands. “Loneliness, isolation, the inability to talk with anyone often lead to suicide, especially in cases with depressive adolescents,” says Sergey Enikolopov, “but in Russia the problem is not only in relation to gays. The same thing with disabled people, with children of other nationalities. We have no tolerance at all. ”
There are no need to go far beyond the examples of successful work of teachers. The 17-year-old Muscovite Nikita Guryanov, who was arrested in July 2013 for participating in LGBT campaign, told The New Times that his teachers had working with gomophobes classmates. “I once decided that I sat in the closet, and came to school with a rainbow ribbon. The whole school spoke about me for two weeks, - Nikita recalls, - but then everything calmed down. I took advantage of this so as not to go to physical education-I was afraid that some kind of humiliation would begin. ” Fizruk, according to Nikita, “an ordinary young man, a football fan, married, it was difficult to expect tolerance from him,” told the boy’s mother that he admired his act and understands why Nikita could be afraid to come to physical education lessons.
Так же хорошо сложилась ситуация и у 17-летнего Гарри Беньки, организатора группы московских ЛГБТ-подростков: «Учительница по педагогике попросила написать что-то, что ей было бы важно о нас знать. Я написал, что я бисексуал, она похвалила меня за то, что я так сделал». Кстати, в публичных школах многих штатов США уроки толерантности входят в программу: несколько часов обязательно посвящается и беседам о людях с разной сексуальной ориентацией (подробнее см. на стр. 31).
Один в поле
 |
| Организатор группы московских ЛГБТ-подростков Гарри Бенька на ежегодном Радужном флешмобе в Москве 17 мая 2012 г. |
В группе московских ЛГБТ-подростков, которую организовал Гарри Бенька, зарегистрировано около 70 человек, на мероприятия приходят обычно человек 30. «Я был удивлен тем, что они ничего не знают. Ни про сексуальность, ни про отношения», — эти слова Гарри подтвердили ЛГБТ-подростки из разных городов страны, с которыми разговаривал корреспондент The New Times. Они действительно испытывают голод на информацию о том, почему они другие, и как им с этим жить. Если их гетеросексуальные одноклассники могут обратиться со своими проблемами к родителям или любимому учителю, то молодые геи и лесбиянки зачастую лишены такой возможности. «Это возраст, когда решаются такие вопросы, как любовь, отношения, смысл жизни, — говорит психолог Юлия Малыгина. — В 30 мы об этом не можем говорить без иронии, а для них это важно».
Невозможность найти собеседника особенно остро стоит перед подростками, живущими далеко от культурных центров страны. «Я не знакома ни с одним геем, — рассказала The New Times 17-летняя трансгендер Анфиса из Калуги (свое настоящее, мужское, имя Анфиса попросила не раскрывать). — У нас есть группа «ВКонтакте» «Гей Калуга», но там взрослые мужчины за 30 и всем в основном нужен секс». Те же проблемы и у сочинца Владислава: «Никто не хочет отношений. Всем нужен секс, причем все у нас в Сочи «натуралы». Пишут в объявлениях: натурал-пассив, натурал-актив».
Впрочем, подросткам негде не только знакомиться, но и встречаться: «Нет даже кафе никакого, где мы могли бы сидеть, пить чай и спокойно целоваться», — говорит Гарри Бенька. Сайтов знакомств и гей-групп «ВКонтакте» при этом хоть отбавляй, но подавляющая часть объявлений — сексуального характера. Найти можно что угодно — от вечеринок в коже до групповых встреч, но, как ни странно, секс у подростков часто не стоит на первом месте. «Подростки наивны, они ищут любви, для многих отношения начинаются с первого дня, — говорит Никита Гурьянов. — На сайтах знакомств полно всяких извращенцев, взрослых мужчин, предлагающих деньги. А есть еще люди вроде Тесака». 
Когда для Паши Ионкина прозвенел последний звонок, в его почтовый ящик «ВКонтакте» пришло два письма от мальчиков из школы № 1849. Один учился на год младше его, второй, по словам Паши, «совсем маленький». Оба они никогда не видели «живых» геев, ни с кем этот вопрос не обсуждали и с содроганием следили за Пашей. Один из них, 17-летний Саша (имя изменено), рассказал корреспонденту The New Times, как больно ему было наблюдать за тем, как одноклассники и учителя издевались над Пашиной страницей в соцсети: «Они ведь тем самым издевались надо мной». Общение с Пашей придало ему смелости, о его ориентации узнали одноклассники, он открылся маме: «Пока все нормально. Меня любят, я списывать всем даю, так что в классе об этом не говорят». Учителя школы о том, что кроме Паши у них учатся еще два мальчика-гея, пока не знают.
Что касается самого Паши, то о своей жизни в Торонто он говорит так: «Ко мне здесь относятся как к человеку», имея в виду, что в Москве и Ульяновске его за такового не держали.
Обращение Барака Обамы к ЛГБТ-подросткам в 2010 году собрало более полутора миллиона просмотров.
«Как и всех нас, меня шокировали и огорчили истории покончивших с собой молодых людей, которых травили за то, что они были геями. Я отец двоих дочерей, и это разбило мое сердце. Этого не должно происходить в нашей стране. Пора развеять миф, что травля является неизбежной частью взросления. This is wrong. На нас лежит обязанность добиться, чтобы школы стали безопасны для всех наших детей. /…/ Я не знаю, что значит, когда над тобой смеются, потому что ты гей. Но я знаю, что такое расти, чувствуя, что ты чужой. It's hard. Я знаю, что для многих детей ощущение одиночества и отчужденности может быть гнетущим. И когда вас травят, вам может показаться, что вы сами виноваты в том, что не похожи на других. Но я хочу сказать: вы не одиноки, вы не допустили никакой ошибки, вы не сделали ничего, чтобы заслужить эту травлю. Вас ждет впереди целый мир, в котором так много возможностей. Есть люди, которые любят вас такими, какие вы есть. И если иногда из-за травли, из-за того, что говорят другие, вы начинаете сомневаться в себе, вам нужно поговорить с кем-то, кому вы доверяете. Это могут быть ваши родители, учителя, просто сверстники, которые вас любят такими, какие вы есть. Вам нужно обратиться к ним. Не думайте, что вы одиноки.
Вторая вещь, которую важно знать: жизнь станет лучше! Более того, со временем ваша индивидуальность станет причиной для гордости и источником силы. Вы взглянете на свои прошлые трудности с пониманием и мудростью, и это поможет не только вам, это поможет сделать нашу страну лучше. Возможно, это поможет вам бороться с дискриминацией. Не только с дискриминацией ЛГБТ-американцев, но с дискриминацией в любых ее формах Это значит, что вы, скорее всего, поймете на личном опыте, почему для взрослых так важно быть живым примером уважительного отношения к другим, смотреть на мир чужими глазами, ставить себя на место других людей, никогда не забывать о том, что нас объединяет. /…/»Джозеф Косив, главный специалист по исследованиям и стратегии американской сети геев, лесбиянок и их гетеросексуальных друзей в образовании (GLSEN):
Издевательства в школе — большая проблема в США, это касается не только ЛГБТ-школьников. С ними мы наблюдаем некоторый прогресс: если в середине 80-х годов о вербальных оскорблениях или физическом насилии говорили до 90% ЛГБТ-учеников, то сегодня их 80%. Но под вербальными оскорблениями они понимают и те случаи, когда слышат, как одноклассники обзывают кого-то пидором, не подразумевая под этим его сексуальность, а просто желая унизить.
Образование в США регулируется на уровне штата, поэтому есть штаты, в которых законодательно прописаны меры по борьбе с ЛГБТ-издевательствами, а кое-где любое упоминание гомосексуальности в положительном контексте в школе запрещено — как в России. И наши исследования показывают, что в таких штатах ЛГБТ-подросткам живется гораздо хуже.
Мы проводим тренинги для учителей, на которых учим их работать с издевательствами в школе. Если это не запрещено местными законами, важно создавать положительный образ геев — к примеру, говорить об известных личностях в литературе, истории… Вообще во многих школах уроки толерантности начинаются в самых младших классах. Там не говорят, конечно, о сексе, но учат детей тому, что все люди разные и нельзя обижать кого-то, если у него кожа другого цвета или он, скажем, толстый. Потом им объясняют, что бывают разные семьи: у кого-то родители разного цвета, у кого-то одна мама, у кого-то две мамы… Ну и, конечно, к подростковому возрасту приходит время сексуального воспитания. Все, впрочем, зависит от конкретного штата и даже конкретной школы.
Кроме того, во всех школах есть клубы учеников — объединения по интересам. Они могут говорить на одном языке (русский клуб, к примеру) или читать вместе Библию. В половине американских школ есть так называемые альянсы геев и их гетеросексуальных друзей. Дети собираются там, общаются, выбирают себе какие-то занятия — от спорта до посещения культурных мероприятий. Обычно за каждым клубом стоит учитель, контролирующий его деятельность, но в основном это инициатива учеников.
фотографии: East News, со страницы Павла «ВКонтакте», предоставлена Гарри Бенькой