I am a Russian Muslim

Alexey, Saratov

“I testify that there is no God except Allah, and I testify that Muhammad is his slave and the messenger.” This prayer formula is called “Shahad”, its pronunciation is the main condition for the adoption of Islam. Three years ago, in a small Saratov mosque on the edge of the city, a 27-year-old psychiatrist, Aleksey K. Mullah, introduced his new to the few local parishioners of their new brother, has gone from a Russian nationalist to a Russian Muslim.

The name in Islam has no meaning if it does not contradict faith. Mine does not contradict. There are neophytes, they definitely need to choose a name, buy a skullcap, rosary. Some kind of role-playing game. I have a laugh at this, as well as the attributes of skinheads - bombers, tights. But I have never been a skin. I do not like to cut it shortly, maybe that's why (laughs) . Skins are a subculture without political views. Temporary fashion, already disappearing, unlike nationalism.

I became a nationalist quite late - at the age of 18. I was surrounded by friends from the ultra -right. At first I emotionally supported them, and ideologically - only then, when I became interested in the aesthetics of the Third Reich and the history of Russia. Plus, ethnic crime arose. In general, Saratov - since ancient times, the Turkic city. Here, both the Tatars and the Bashkirs lived normally with the Russians. And in the late 90s, the Caucasus poured to us, and problems began: they did not share the girl, drink, someone was beaten to half death, stabbed. They led a thieves lifestyle, like Mexicans in the USA, because they grew up in poverty, learned to kill and rob. I knew the Dagestan one. He has the most striking event from childhood - Kalash as a gift and $ 100.

Initially, I was attracted by a radical path. In 2004, I joined the NSO (National Socialist Society. -Ed. ). It was not very radical in the province. In St. Petersburg, Moscow - yes. NSO-Sever, for example. This is one of the units. There are almost 30 murders there, 5 lifelongs received. Among us, there were also such, but they went to the crimes without publicity. Some did, others knew nothing or were silent.

Islam is a male religion.

In early 2008, the NSO actually broke up. In Moscow, probably 80% of the organization was planted. Of my closest associates - nobody. The FSB regularly dragged us to "talk", but did without criminal cases. They collected data for each activist. Although I always held moderate positions. Interested in ideology, agitation. We focused on young people and people not older than 30, whose thinking was not soviet. The responsibility for the country was felt, but gradually everything came to naught, because the so -called Russian people are not such. The Russian people are a simulacrum, a biomass, among which only 5% is aware of its identity. Therefore, being a Russian nationalist means to be lonely, to be an incomprehensible international soviet majority.

I was in motion for four years. I was attracted to the fact that there was no anti -Semitism, Hitlerism, there were thinking people. With many of them, I still keep in touch. Islam is not a hindrance for this. They are not radical Orthodox, which, frankly, people are stupid, intolerant. And I did not completely refuse the ideas of nationalism. The most marginal layers from other ethnic groups come to us. These are people with low education, often Russophobic, they are also extreme nationalists, but on a foreign land. They do not need to assimilate in our culture. And we have no culture. Culture-these are some kind of framework, restrictions, traditions-everything has long been lost. Where to assimilate? In alcohol, idleness, entertainment? Not the best choice. On the other hand, modern Russia for me is the same enemy and alien state as for them. Any Russian Muslim thinks about emigration. It is not necessary to leave for an Islamic country, but at least where they are loyal to us. I heard that ethnic communities are being formed in Turkey, including Russian. And here, in the Putin’s Russian Federation, we are at the last step before the collapse. Leo Gumilyov has the theory of the memorial stage of development of the ethnic group. It completely reflects what is happening: the ethnos dies - its empire dies.

* * *

I heard about Islam since childhood. I lived next to the mosque and woke up every morning from the singing of the muezzin. He calls for prayer five times a day. The whole quarter hears his singing. Then some leaders from our underground began to move to Islam. I think the reason is in Islamic militants. Their courage, fearlessness could not but attract. I became interested in why they were doing this, and began to read about Islam. He discovered the philosopher Rene Genon . At that time, I was an atheist, but, having read Genon, I began to think about spiritual things. Not about "spiritual scrapers", but about the esoteric component. I realized that nationalism, in isolation from its roots, has no future. This is some kind of artificial education. And Rene Genon wrote that besides Islam there was not a single esoteric school.

Of course, at first I met the Russian nationalists who adopted Islam. With Harun Sidorov, founder of norms (National Organization of Russian Muslims. - Ed. ), And Salman Sever. I do not know what he did in his life, but I have not met a larger intellectual. These people struck me with their minds. I thought they would call for explosions. But they only convinced that my life leads to a dead end. And my dead end is my personality warehouse. Have you ever read Sartre? In “Nausea”, male neanavisty and aversion to life are very vividly shown. Well, probably my condition was approaching this.

I accepted Islam three years ago. I was 24. There is nothing easier than accepting. It is necessary to pronounce only one prayer in Arabic in the presence of two Muslims. At some point, I had the feeling that I got into a sect (laughs) . The imam of the mosque and parishioners were very cheerful, smiling. I thought this was done on purpose, because the Qur'an says that if a Muslim leads to the faith of at least one person, then he will open a road to paradise. And I suspected that they were driven by mercantile interest (laughs) . In parallel, I went to one of the Protestant churches. My friend was a Protestant. Thought, looked, compared. In the Protestant Church, I was also met with smiles and arms.

I definitely renounced the idea of ​​Orthodoxy. My mother is a venereologist. She periodically treated priests from gonorrhea, which they picked up from prostitutes. I saw how these officials in the cassoons rich in day by day. And in Protestantism there is no masculine principle. A woman is inherent in softness, tolerance, respect. This in itself is fine, but not to everyone in a row. Back in Protestant - a cult of money and personal success: “Get achieve! God will let you make money for an apartment, a car! " Too a lot of commerce in it.

Beat each other's muzzles for the color of the club? Whether the matter is for skin color.

And Islam in my understanding is a challenge of modernity in the bad sense of the word. Calling alcoholism, drug addiction, prostitution, degeneration. Islam is a male religion. At first I did not understand how to pray to God and feel like him with some kind of insignificance. I grew up in a society where you need to be an egoist. But later he realized that the worship of the Almighty was work on his egoism, on his ego.

Every day to follow the rules of Islam is increasingly difficult. To do this, you need to live in Muslim society. Not so long ago, in one of the universities, Muslim Tatars spread rugs to make a prayer. A week later they wanted to expel them and forbidden to pray. At work, I try not to advertise my faith so that they do not see a potential terrorist in me. And relations with parents, on the contrary, improved. Before the adoption of Islam, I did not recognize their authority, but "Paradise under the feet of mothers." Good phrase.

There are few Russian Muslims in Saratov. These are mainly adults from 40 to 50 years old. They are apolitical. They, besides Islam, are not interested in anything. There are several young guys, but there is no Russian jamaat (community. - Ed. ) In Saratov. I'm living in the Urals now. There are also Muslims here, but they have other interests ... By the way, thanks to the efforts of Harun Sidorov, most of them do not become Wahhabis. They tried to recruit me repeatedly via the Internet. People, apparently, rummage in Islamic groups and write to everyone in a row. They wrote to me from an incomprehensible page: "Brother, let's communicate." I see that list of Wahhabitic groups and turn off communication. I do not exclude that it can be special services.

I know for sure that there are Wahhabis in the Saratov mosque. Unfortunately, this mosque began to communicate with Saudi Arabia. They send to study there, and then bring this infection to us. In general, Wahhabism is growing in the Volga region. I don’t know how it can end. Wahhabis can be determined by external signs. They shave their heads bald, walk with tucked trousers. Almost like skins, but with a beard.

I'm Sunnit. I confess the Sufi direction of Islam. In Sufism, the concept of jihad, a sacred war, is also preserved, but in peacetime jihad is not self -defense, but self -improvement. You are engaged in struggle only with your vices.

Ali, Moscow

I am waiting for the end of the evening prayer in the corridor of the Yardem Mosque, which is in Otradny. Through glass doors, a half -empty prayer hall is visible. From there comes the quiet voice of Mullah. He stands on a small elevation face to Mecca. Behind him, the concentrated ranks of male spin. Among them is Ali, a 33-year-old Muscovite who received Islam five years ago. Ali was once called Sergey. He was a skinhead in one of the street gangs.

The teenager really liked to call himself a skin and look like a skin. There was something in this, frightening the layman-cowardly Russian. The guys from the outskirts actively went into the skins in the wake of fashion, and then this definition began to be shy. We will say to ourselves the “nationalist”, “patriot”, “ultra-right” or somehow, if only we were not taken for street marginals, for the killers of the Tajik janitors.

But then almost every district had its own group - “Voikovsky Front”, “Schulz 88”, Totenkopf (“Dead Head”), but there were a lot of them. Small, the backbone of only 20 people. Our, Izmailovskaya, was called the "Solstice". Not very famous, but the old shaved should remember her. Somewhere in the yards, even the inscriptions have been preserved. I don’t remember who offered the name. Herzen, maybe? We had one with such a nickname. The oldest and most ideological. He jumped out of the window in the year before last. We have not talked for a long time.

Mostly from the football hooligans, they mostly strove. But they had their own motion. I never understood him. Beat each other's muzzles for the color of the club? Whether the matter is for skin color (smiles) . A terrible, straight, completely wild rumors went about fanger. For example, we told us how Spartaches hung three guys on Dynamo roses in an abandoned kindergarten. And, most importantly, everyone believed, they were afraid.

I myself became shabolov for the same reasons as any. In Izmailovo in the mid-90s, everything belonged to black. Absolutely everything. In some couple of years, the area ceased to be Russian. Yes, and the rest of Moscow too. And we felt like strangers, superfluous, weak ... In short, the service staff of gentlemen with barriers. They captured markets, construction sites, shops. I did not doubt my choice. What was waiting for me? Army, factory, vodara? I am from the simplest, poor family. We did not even have a vidica at home. Mother plowed in two works while her father was drunk. In the evenings I went to wash the floors in one cafe. The cafe also belonged to black. In the past, my dad is a doctor, he worked as an obstetrician in the hospital. He drank peculiarly. Their tradition was to drink for each newborn glass of vodka or cognac, sometimes alcohol. He had no brakes. He quickly ceased to exist for me, like me for him. He called me "fascist fucking", and I - "Alkash smelly." I tried to dissuade me. I invented a legend about supposedly our Jewish ancestor, grandfather or great -grandfather, threatened my friends to tell. Skins generally often accused one of their Jewry. With me, they scored one bon, I turned out to be a “Jew”. Not to death, of course, inlac. But strongly. Although among shaved Jews are not uncommon. I knew one such thing, a half -blood. The guys called him Matsy.

Feesbashniki, I think, came on a tip from the mullah of one of the mosques.

In essence, I had no views. For up to twenty years, some unconscious hatred of everything that had come in, to everything non-Russian, moved to me. And there were more and more relict shaft -heads in suspenders, berets, with stripes. We found the very heyday of the skin movement: the middle-car of the 90s. Now there are only such in the cinema and in the photo from the “Russian marches” you will see, and then in every subway car. Among them came across my friends, friends, classmates. Someone brought Molotov's home-made cocktail. And that night we set fire to Kiosk, which the Azers belonged. After a week from the house not a foot. They were afraid that they would calculate and imprison. Not yet insolent from impunity. And then the kiosk was attributed to gangster showdowns. And then we often used it.

Promotions were held regularly. Typically, in Belyaev, students from RUDNs grazed. The brothels were smashed several times. But not in the city, as a rule, but in the region. At the brothels where they were traded, the roof is serious, the brothers could shoot if they found it. They often walked on electric trains, searched black, gypsies.

It is clear that you are interested in. Did we kill people? I’ll say so for myself: I did not go purposefully to kill anyone. All.

We carried out not only “cleansing”, as it was called, but also all sorts of political actions, peaceful. They put the coffin on the chairs next to the metro. And passers -by were offered to drive a nail into the coffin of Yeltsin - the enemy of the Russian people. I don’t want to do not feel about the dead, but there were not enough nails. Torchia processions were made. The cops were not allowed. We lit electric lanterns and walked along the street.

The cops at that time were not particularly interested in us. They have a gathering of tribute from prostitutes, bandits, visitors - a lot of important work. This is today they wake the Internet in search of extremism, the 282nd article. Then, at first, we almost went openly, waving bits. Castles, knives with you. One of the Nagayka Cossack was with a bullet in the tip. At home, a mandatory “Mine Campf” is a copy. Ideologically we were built very weakly, or rather - nothing. I remember finding an article about Ku-Kluks-Clan. They fought against Jews, blacks, pederasts, Catholics, gypsies, Asians. For the superiority of the white race, in general. This was quite enough for us. I just could not understand: why Catholics? What do they have to do with it? Pedophiles, explained to me. And Mine Kampf, is ready to argue, none of ours read it to the end. I threw my own. After the adoption of Islam, the district police officer came to me repeatedly, interviewed the neighbors. Once they came from the FSB. Two young employees. Extremist literature was searched. I told them on the threshold that, except for the Koran, I have nothing. They did not have permission to search, but I let them in, offered tea. Everything is how my faith tells. They examined the room. They asked a couple of questions. In the corner of x- Box , they saw a dusty, asked if I had FIFA 14 . Elite special services, you will not say anything. And for about three weeks later, there were two terrorist attacks in a row in Volgograd, here.

Skinhead? And you will lie next door to Black. And they will mourn you the same way.

For me, the cause of terrorist attacks is in the decentralization of the Islamic ummah. There is no patriarch, his pope. Caliphate is abolished. Authority among spiritual leaders. One will declare terrorist attacks against the civilian population with sin. And the other is a necessary struggle on the path of Allah. And now the Muslim is free to decide who to listen to. Someone will say that this is not for me, I want to live, raise children, feed my family. And someone, on the contrary, wants to imitate, wants to become a shahid, a suicide bomber. This is processed and sent to the “right” direction. However, how are the muttry differs from Nikola Korolev, from the market, voltron, Dima Borovikov, Hector?

Returning to the FSB. I think they came on a tip from the mullah of one of the mosques. I sometimes go to Juma there, Friday prayer. Although, while still Bon, I was registered in the department. He drawed a swastika on the walls, and they detained me. Departed by a fine for damage to property. But it was so long ago that the version with the mullah seems to me or rather. I do not condemn him. In “official” mosques are always reported to parishioners, and the organs conduct statistics on Russian Muslims. This is clear to everyone. Someone told me that Russian Muslims are about one hundred thousand. The figure is conditional, of course. And the Chekists, I am sure, have no exact data, but this phenomenon is under their control. For them today we are more dangerous than Naziks. You, journalists, conduct an investigation: accept Islam - and will come to you right away from the office. True, the authorities with each explosion only scatter his hands - they did not expect, they were not ready. A strange contradiction in this, do not find?

Feesbashniki themselves say that my page VKontakte hacked that nonsense. I am nowhere under the real name. No, I am not hiding from anyone, but the Internet is not a charitable waste of time. Just like music, films, professional sport, frequent sex. Kafir classes. Distracted from ministry to Allah.

In Nazism, in his correctness, I began to doubt even before the adoption of Islam. I worked in the morgue as a nurse. The corpses were soap. And there you will not choose who to wash, who is not. Yesterday, for example, they brought Russian, today - Tatar. A Jew will be brought tomorrow. The dead are not different. Maybe only options for leaving life. We and the guys fought for some kind of exclusivity, chosenness, and you see, as in the end ... Skinhead? And you will lie next door to Black. И оплакивать вас одинаково будут. Когда родственники приезжали на опознание или тело на кладбище забирать, их слезы тоже не отличались. Смерть всех уравнивала. И никто не избран, как выясняется. Там, в морге, я это понял.

А еще раньше — что Москва попросту вымывает из тебя скина. Со всеми принципами, без остатка. Становится невозможно им быть. Только фанатики продолжают начатое. У меня приятель был, Саша. Такой же, из бритых. Поехали зачем-то к нему. Он в частном доме жил, за городом. Заходим в калитку, а сосед напротив орет: «Здорово, Сань!» А тот ему так просто: «Здорово, Ашот!» Саня потом мне долго доказывал, что Ашот — хороший мужик, что соседи они, что хачи его самого достали. Если б не имя, он по-любому с нами в движ бы ушел. Извинялся будто бы. Понятная иллюстрация, думаю.

С тех пор на акциях я появлялся все реже. Вскоре совсем пропал, трубку не брал. Мой уход все посчитали трусостью. Как раз на бритых рейды начались. Диму Боровикова убили, известного наци. Но за нами ничего громкого не было. Пытались одну уголовку повесить, но обошлось.

Парни меня однажды в гражданке встретили, обросшего, другого. Я торопился куда-то. Смотрелся человеком на фоне лысых обезьян. Схожее чувство я испытываю с принятием ислама. «Али» ведь с арабского значит «возвышенный». Чувство превосходства, конечно, грешное. Но мы говорим: «Грехи известны тебе, а покаяние — нет».

* * *

Вообще верующим я никогда не был. Ислам — моя первая и последняя вера. Склонялся к язычеству одно время. К остальным религиям относился враждебно, нетолерантно. Что-то узнать о них даже не пробовал. Но акций против синагог или мечетей сторонился, хотя меня звали синагогу громить. Бога побоялся. Инстинктивно, наверное.

В 98-м меня должны были призвать в армию, а через год началась вторая чеченская, и двое пацанов из моего класса на ней оказались. Один не вернулся. А другой через плен прошел. Несколько месяцев просидел у боевиков в яме. По крайней мере, он так говорил. Не было оснований не верить ему, тем более права возражать. У меня-то склерокератит нашли, болезнь глаз такая. Операцию сделали и освободили от службы, чего я очень стыдился. Врал всем, что рвался в Чечню. Нас, скинов, постоянно упрекали в том, что мы дома черных гоняем, а в Чечню боимся. And really! Я молился, лишь бы не попасть туда.

Вернувшийся одноклассник рассказывал ад. Они чеченца захватили при осаде села, привезли его в часть на допрос. Допрос так выглядел: задали вопрос, он молчит, бормочет что-то под нос, ему пулю в колено. Он громче начал читать. После второй пули на крик перешел. Выкрикивал молитву. Потом его, еще живого, в воронку бросили и гранату положили. Убит при нападении. И никаких пыток. Совсем молодой. Только щетина расти начала. Эту деталь я точно запомнил.

У меня этот чеченец из головы не выходил. Не мог его забыть. Ночами просыпался. Все думал, что за религия наделила человека такой волей. С этого я начал путь к исламу. Мне было 28 лет. Ислам — единственная вера, которая позволяет полностью очиститься от грехов. Знаешь, есть такой хадис о мужчине, убившем сто человек. Он пожелал раскаяться и отыскал монаха, который посоветовал ему пойти к благочестивым мусульманам и молиться вместе с ними ради Аллаха. Мужчина отправился в путь, но по дороге умер. С небес сошли ангелы милости и ангелы мучения. Думали, кому его забирать. И тогда явился ангел в образе человека и предложил измерить расстояние от места его смерти до тех мест, откуда и куда он шел. Оказалось, что к месту совершения покаяния убийца находился ближе. Его грехи были отпущены лишь за саму попытку раскаяться в них. А разница между адом и раем составляла всего25 сантиметров. На каждого свой хадис, брат.