Linor Goralik: five stories about projections

... Here, say, the amazing woman Sh. She was very afraid of the moment when her daughter Katya had to go to the Israeli army. And therefore, when the post office brought Katya a summons, the amazing woman Sh. She did not say anything to Katya, and instead he herself went to the military enlistment office. I found there an officer to whom Katya was supposed to appear, and said that Katya could not go to the army: she is a drug addict. The officer said that this was very strange, because in the Katenkin documents excellent studies, volunteer work, performances at the school theater and the national team of swimming. The amazing woman Sh. She said that, on the contrary, everything is very logical: Katya sniffs cocaine from morning to night, otherwise the poor girl would not have time at all, as he herself, interesting, does it represent - such loads at eighteen years? Then the officer asked if Katenkina, Katenka, had a help. The amazing woman Sh. Very offended and said that Katya receives all the necessary help. The officer carefully asked which one. “Mine,” said the amazing woman Sh. “She receives my help. I buy her all this cocaine. ” Then the officer was finally confused. "Well, if the child needs!" -The amazing woman S. said with dignity later, Katenka very much asked to send her to the far border to the combat units, but her request was not satisfied: the same officer found that someone had to look after Katenkina, and there were no others who wanted to.

... Here, say, after the introduction of the recent law, the algorithmists Sh. And Sh. decide to study from indecent expressions. In the morning they bring a liter jar to work, put all the money remaining before the salary (real) in it and decide that if someone did not say a single bad word during the day, he takes out 1000 from the bank in the evening. And now the lunch time comes. And the algorithmists Sh. And Sh. at this moment understand what their plan was not good. And here is this bank, transparent, full of money, so hated, and it is impossible to look at it without any affectionate word. And tomorrow too. And even more so the day after tomorrow.

... Here, let's say, a story dedicated to the beautiful director T. director T. and the Russian writer C. Decide to work together on a comic series. They quickly come up with the concept, quickly pronounce the structure, quickly throw preliminary casting and, satisfied, diverge, deciding that now the Russian writer C. will send director T. Sinopsis of the first series of this comic series. The Russian writer sends: the husband is cheating on his wife, his wife steals money from the authorities, the authorities sits under the table and cries, the child strangles the turtle and gives her, strangled, to another child, but that she is dead - does not speak. Funny synopsis, cheerful. The polite director T. writes to the Russian writer C. A polite answer in which the husband is a cattle, his wife - a bitch, bosses - a rag, a child - a monster, and asks an important technical question: “Dear Ts., Who will we love? Each series should have someone we will love. Which of these people do we offer to love? Whom?" The Russian writer C. offers to love the turtle, it is easy to love, it is dead. The polite director T. politely asks to make a second attempt. The Russian writer C. sends the second synopsis of the comic first series: the husband buys a turtle, but does not give it up, the child beats him with his feet, his wife lies in clinical depression, the neighbor goes to her and tells that her husband is a monster, and she herself is a rag. He tells funny, with gags. The polite director T. once again politely explains that the viewer needs to love someone. Well, at least someone. Well, at least someone needs to be loved in this hellish Gignole. Well, please. Then the Russian writer C. creates the third synopsis, in the center of which is the fact that the child is afraid of the turtles, and mom and dad run after him around the apartment, shake a turtle and shout: “Book! Book! " Funny, the breakdown of the template. The polite director T. does this time without unnecessary explanations, he simply writes in big letters: “To love who ????” And this is where the work on the comic series, unfortunately, ends, although the director T. and the Russian writer C. promise to each other that someday they will definitely try again. Maybe when the viewer is finally hardened and loses every need to love. And all this time, the Russian writer thinks with longing: “Me! Me! Let us all, all without exception, will love me! " But to say this out loud, of course, is shy.

... Here, say, journalist W. decides that he is a person, he still has rights and one of these rights-not to read the week of Russian news. Well, do not read, do not read, do not read. Moreover, journalist U. just happens, he leaves with a young wife in Verona - and on the first day he feels absolutely, completely happy. And the second is generally satisfied. But already on the third day he is being done somehow badly. By the evening of the third day, he is already directly getting sick, heerates, then he will drop the tablet, then pulls him with a timid hand. And it is not clear even why he is so bad: it should be the other way around? But the journalist U. is holding, because he is a person, he has rights and a young wife, very beloved, also has, so they swear on foot in this magical city to a small restaurant, a balcony, air, sunset, seafood, and it is completely unlikely why a young wife has such a confused face. She says that-yes, he guessed, something torments her, but she herself does not understand what. And suddenly he says: “I understand, I understand! I left the car keys at home! That's what I feel-my priest does not hurt. They usually lie in my back pocket, I am sitting on them, and my priest hurts. And here it doesn’t hurt, and I directly feel-something is not good for me. ” And then the journalist U. opens the tablet and accepts excitedly to read Russian news, in a row, for all three missed days. Well, yes.

... Here, say, in the company of writer Z. we are talking about how some were afraid of actor Karachentsov in childhood. As actor Karachentsov will be shown on TV, so some climbed under the kitchen table and sat there until the “Club of Cinema Travels” began. And others, it turns out, were afraid of the singers Pugacheva. Although she was then completely ... well, another. And they said that their stomach hurts, we should go to the crib to lie down. And then a person entering certain circles suddenly says that one prominent Kremlin figure of the present days in childhood was terribly afraid of d'Artagnan and three musketeers. Not actors separately, but these four uxomes. And now the family at the TV will gather, they will begin to show d'Artagnan - and his, poor, is straightforward with horror. But the papa of the future Kremlin figure, the still figure, was arranged so that there was no even to think about fleeing under the table. And then these four are Babah! - swords are crossed with a roar and barked: “One for all and all for one!” And the future Kremlin figure, poor thing, trembles with a small tremor - but sits. And he just asks his mother plaintively: "Mom, mom, why are they doing this?" And mom looks at the TV and says: "They pay money for this."