"Using me please,"

A few days in the life of a psychologist-Jedae Shcherbakov and our children

The “Law of Dima Yakovlev” has one plus: they started talking about orphanages. They themselves do not knock into other people's souls. And we are well able to live with the edge and close from troubles. Those, however, are constantly at the threshold - we are on the edge. And people who did not notice all this everyday hell, finally, finally spoke warmly. And they stood in line for our children, but the children are all ours?

Nikolai Shcherbakov

The “Law of Dima Yakovlev” has one plus: they started talking about orphanages. They themselves do not knock into other people's souls. And we are well able to live with the edge and close from troubles. Those, however, are constantly at the threshold - we are on the edge. And people who did not notice all this everyday hell, finally, finally spoke warmly. And they stood in line for our children, but the children are all ours?

Reception parents, however,, as a rule, need a blonde, blue -eyed girl up to a year without health problems (data from the guardianship authority). But what about unbearable teenagers with oligophrenia, an enuree, with a mutilated soul - what to do with them?

They are children of psychologist Nikolai Shcherbakov. And people like him. One child lives in them with his wife a light house constantly, three takes on the weekend-holidays-channels, someone takes hikes on suburban rocks and caves. And many who find a shelter in a difficult situation. Shcherbakov travels to the guys in psychiatric hospitals and police sections, rescues, searches, suits and equipping everything, sends them ways ... where is work and where is private life, what is professional debt, and what is personal, no longer disassemble. Yes, he is not required. I don’t know if he is happy (claims that yes), but the children helped him become an outstanding person. One after another, he straightens fate, but what is there - prolongs the life themselves: such as his destruction is destined for the children, it is directed both outside and inside. They leave the boarding school and cripple themselves and others - simultaneously or gradually; alcohol, drugs, or hitting crime. The saved ones will implicitly flood and destroy the nasty character and “psychosomatics” - not to deceive his past. But an adult can help a small person.

- You start to talk with the child, play, draw (the main thing is that no one is interfering, so I usually drive adults), plunge into his state - and his eyes are clear, they pass long fears and depression, the person comes to life, and the parents or educators then marvel, as possible, so quickly and without medicines. You need a little. I'll tell you more. I am amusing yourself with thoughts that when you think about the child, take care, pass greetings to him and something useful, an unknown information field is thickening around him and helps him to persist and develop. Who would have thought that, as soon as I would take the youngest V. for the weekend, suddenly, for the first time in 6 years, a mother - a girl with a UO will come. And three years later, almost 12 years old, they will suddenly take him under guardianship, he now has a family. We see each other; He began to say more briskly and more distinctly, although he was always a strong dizartric. So brought S.B. and L.P. magazines. S.B. Immediately plunged into reading: when they had two weeks by the teacher in the summer of 2009, he, 10-year-old, still read my Harms (could not do without him in this absurd institution, I understood right away) and had fun: “A young thick mother Twerly a pretty girl on the brick wall”-and what can be the UO here? Like many others, it follows the transfer of children by Shcherbakov, there are many of them, and each has a fate.

S., 14 years old

The malicious extortion of the orphanages of the orphanage S. watched a dream based on the Star Wars. He spoke on the side of evil, ramping and attacking people until the Jedi Shcherbakov appeared and rushed to pursue him, jumping on the roofs. It ended well: S. also moved to the camp of good.

Three years ago, S. was taken to an orphanage from the drinking grandmother. He calls her a mother. Mother hanged herself when S. was 2 years old. Father is a whistling drinking disabled person. S. also has a dog Sonya, sister Nastya, brother Tolya. It is seen with them on vacation if they are released from the orphanage. “And then glorious. And then who knows how further life will turn, ”says Shcherbakov. In 2012, he brought S. with other children on a trip to the rocks. And then he met him at Kurchatov, in a mental hospital (PB): Aminazin, Electroson. They put it, he says, "because he behaved stupidly."

- I thought again: is it worth it to deal with. And so the children and my unfortunate wife is full of children - we still have no time to even think about the birth of a child. The apartment is removable, the prospects for housing are zero: both are education workers. But there was no peace in the soul. And when S. landed for a month at the Center for the temporary isolation of minor offenders (Tswink), I realized: the instinct did not deceive me, the boy needed attention. I figured it out: R. will be released by that time, F. Sister is going to arrange a guest one, and with others, it may be easier ... So S. got a mobile phone, and then the opportunity to visit us on weekends. We now control him for a couple with his beloved literature teacher.

S. - A good person: sensitive, responsive. He has a sincere interest in people and the desire to "go the road of good." The head is bright. He loves parkour, draws, wrote down in Tswinka: “If you don’t love my mother, then why live in the world” - Opel has a creativity. Our boys remembered him from joint campaigns and, to surprise, waited with interest.

Together, the last film “Who, if not us” watched here: S. looks like the protagonist, is just as cheerful and somewhat solid. When he took him to class - only in cellulite after three months of a psychiatric hospital (he scored another 10 kilos, for half a year came to normal), he suddenly remembered for no reason: “Once he told a psychologist at school that the elders force us to stir up money, and she told the teacher, and then it was tough for me later.” The head teacher later told: they arranged for him a “confrontation” with U. and “broke” to U. in full. But for the truth and for the stupidity of adults, of course, S. - “Night nannies do not look at a fig,” and they cannot influence what is happening between adolescents. You often hear in the conversations of the guys: "That's it, the khan is in the bedroom." This is a place where the weak ones are not protected as possible. And not weak either.

... If anything, 16-year-old U. “rushes for excuses”, and after mercilessly hollows S.-he is lower on his head. U. also left my meager trifle, given by S. for good marks. Our plastic containers also left there, in which S., it turns out, carried U. food. This is the system: the elders put the younger "on the counter" for any offense. S. was first set in the 4th grade for the lack of a lesson. “He told me that I had pierced and now owe 500 rubles.” Although there was no persuasion. And went and went. Passes of lessons, theft, extortion of phones in the younger ones, psychiatric hospital, tswings. It seems that the “socialized disorder” composed by the psychiatrists was largely caused by orphanages.

S. and I came up with: allegedly at the gas station, the teacher was discovered, who gave me the number U. I call, I present. He knows me: he drove them to the cave in the fall. "Well?" - asks. I explain: he will not receive money from S. more, and if he does something to him, he will be so bad that he cannot imagine. I put the phone. I am writing SMS (in order to add weights) with the finale: “I don’t keep evil at you, but I won’t give my friends as an offense” ... Then S. will say: “U. He said that I owe him nothing now. "

A day later, S. was transferred to the group to the elders (where U.): the shelter “Care” will be eliminated (in the ministries the next itching), and a first grader came to them. S. helped S. to transfer things, stood in the group, looked into the nightstand, talked with children, with educators: he designated his presence. Then, when S. with U. talked “VKontakte”, he asked to convey to U. Hello. U. passed the response and painted a couple of emoticons, so the relationship was established: ethology teaches that the prehistoric origins of the human smile are rooted in the grinning sake of sake of sake of primates.

The essence of my work is to find and support a good person in a person. The psychiatrist E. The root on our round table even said that this is a global trend.

When he began to work in a boarding school, the first thing that I realized was children, especially the elders, should be taken away from there. They began to go to nature: Black hill, Torgashinsky ridge - this is much more therapeutic for them than months in psychiatrists ... recently they were on poles. The boys immediately separated from the adults, began to twist the Arabic somersault and zealously fight in the snow, so that on the way back, having difficulty looking for them on the path, he simply gave them money so that they themselves went home. In my opinion, after we went to the pillars, S. and felt the power to squeeze out a slave out of ourselves. He said that he did not want to run constantly to the gas station, because he is much more interesting for him just to walk with peers. We talked about a lot then. Well, a dream about the Jedi shows that the guy was lost in life completely: he was there at first on the side of evil.

At the New Year's holidays, he saw a dream again: we, together, being Jedi, fought off the mutants, and even successfully ... began to behave adequate. And here, as I moved into an adult group, I see: the knuckles are broken in my arms, the right hand is swollen like a pillow, it hurts to look. He said that he hit the wall, and a day later admitted: they played with the boys in a “coin”, and they “pierced” the loser - before the first blood or tear. “It doesn't hurt later. Mom beat me with a belt when I was small ... ”said that I forbid him to play this rubbish. S. And he did not strive much, as I understand it: forced. He does not smell his boundaries at all: he constantly “falls”, with all its abilities.

And U. is not a scumbag at all, it is simply customary for them to spread rot and use the younger ones. There is no worthy sample for identification: the director cannot find a normal man-educator ... And the boys are growing. So such extreme groups with a near -tier way are added up. After all, there are quite good orphanages, where friendly children and friendly educators, the same Krasnoyarsk No. 2 or Achinsky No. 1. And Tswink, by the way. Which noted - there are definitely men in such. And the leaders are calm women with live eyes, all are some kind of warm, albeit in uniform, as in Tswinka.

V. said that in their orphanage they played the “coin”, but there were no “punching”. “He was forced to play,” V., in their orphanage, confidently, by a mutual agreement, O. burned round wounds in their arms with a hot coin with a coin. The initiation was invented by this: "so that the men become." Adults immediately noticed, called a psychiatrist to K-cha, he talked with O. seriously, and there was nothing like that later. And when they noticed that at the age of 13, Z. began to “put” his younger boys in the bed, they also spoke with him and began to lay him next to the night teacher so that he was in sight all the time. In general, they take care of children, try not to allow lawlessness. And here - such. I will watch the knuckles, and there, you look, I’ll go to communicate with the boys and educators. “Stand to death” as a monument on the Mamaev Kurgan.

V., lucky, B., his brother

After a couple of months, the home, at Shcherbakov, the life of V. painted Romanesque zan with powerful walls and lattice gates. The man felt: "My house is my fortress." Now V. in the 8th grade, has become relatives for Rodney Shcherbakov.

- He changed a lot after a summer trip to St. Petersburg and dating there with good young people Vika and Dima. They convinced him - after excursions in museums - to engage in rhetoric: the guy understands a lot, but formulates thoughts with difficulty. He began to think about the future. You look, and indeed it will become a lawyer, like Vika, and at first a car mechanic, if that: in the technical schools they begin to believe more and better in their strengths - the programs there are easier and the attitude to children is sparing.

After St. Petersburg, V. somehow grew up immediately, grew up, which was especially noticeable against his brother B. with him: to take it, as we planned, we could not, because in the fall we lived A. not to take A.-he spent the night under our door, unobtrusively letting him understand what he was achieving in this way-it would be completely mean. B. has a good orphanage: a small, cozy, with a calm and wise elderly woman at the head (children run into her, carry toys, sweets and hug - a sure sign of trust. And the second sign: there are no shoots from it). B. Now, as Vadya and Vlad out, there are the eldest. Another moment is that sometimes arising on the horizon, relatives, tearing it to pick it up. The matter does not go further than the conversation, but who knows - maybe they will gather strength. It is difficult with it - the consequences of perinatal encephalopathy. The 16-year-old mother, bearing V.,, together with her civil husband (father), drank tightly, and then B. became pregnant almost immediately after childbirth, and then her body could not cope. Something is not either in him, or in us such that would allow him to feel a native person in him. It is difficult to convey this in words, but we understood with Sveta: we cannot take B., we do not have such abilities. However, I could take a chance, I spend more time at home, but then we’ll certainly bite from hunger. And so - he is always at our weekend, he is not offended by A. (on the contrary, he sympathizes that he has “such a moronic orphanage”), and their school is a 15 -minute walk from us, so that V. can see him daily.

Mother V. and B. recently gave birth to a boy, which she informed the children on the phone. The newborn was left to be treated in a neonatal center: "Something with his brain." And the mother, having stopped by B., went home, to the village near Murta. Will she take him from the center? It seems to be going.

S. and R. have dinner. Photo by Nikolai Shcherbakov

A., 16 years old, tramp

- My main pain is A. Red, left -handed, a freckled face, mobile, light UO, Torticullis, the left eye sees badly (myopia and, it seems, astigmatism). There were problems with drives: at 10 years old he tried with children to force a dog to “oral sex”, then similar stories were repeated with the younger children of the boarding school. The last one and a half years - nothing of the kind. I asked recently: "Do you like girls?" He blushed strongly and buried himself in the pillow: "I like it." Its height is 155 cm, and the main problem: the guy is an avid dromoman. The first memory - how I wanted to go out onto the street of four years, while my parents slept tightly, and since the door could not open - the window knocked out and went to the river. Since then, it wanders. Although he was treated after the first departure - he spent the night with a friend of the alcoholic - in PB, everything was only aggravated.

I began to take him in the summer of 2011. We visited his homeland near Minusinsky. We walked for a long time around the cemetery in search of the graves of his father-mother. Not found. Many rickety wooden crosses without inscriptions: social burials. They wrote letters to two of it, as we were told in the passport office, to distant relatives. Maybe they will tell about his parents. He wrote diligently, put signed reverse envelopes and his photograph. There is no answer yet.

He began to do his birthdays from 11 years old, he said then: “He was the best day in his life”; And business-called the children, they ate a pie with a jam. Last winter, already ordered a three -story cake at his request, and the next day we went to a black hill.

A year ago, having received sneakers from us (a friend Igor sent money from Moscow - “to the children.” I am writing to him in such cases: “Thank you, you help me to be.” He: “And you - I read Fromm not in vain in your youth), left after the next weekend to the boarding school, and the next evening I took and went along the bus on which he drove (30 km) and dwells with us) Under the door, where he lived for another five days, encryption, and went home on Saturday. They called the graduate to Vital, he took him to the boarding school. There, A. was placed in the Medblok (I could not go that day - organized the seminar of Dr. Arkhipov, was the first day). The director of the boarding school called: what will we do, the ministry requires measures. They decided: it makes no sense to put it in the PB - he was not wandering, he went to a specific goal. Our V., his former classmate, was in the know all the time, but did not give a friend. He fed him. We talked with his wife, decided that we would take him. To live with us, and studied in a boarding school. The director said that we can arrange a patronage for him, and this will be our relations with a boarding school. Then once again extend the contract for six months, and there A. will release. So I took it with three bags of things home.

A. was sleeping on the second tier purchased from the hands of a two -story bed. Recorded in a circle of tourism. He prescribed obligations for him - so that he would not run around the gateway and did not drink. He signed. But he was enough for a week: he did not reach school, although he arrived home on time and sober. And what did you do? “Helped friends”: we traveled together around the city, we loaded something, or just stood in a store with familiar saleswomen. For a couple of weeks they decided not to send him to school, so that he would do tasks at home, refreshed the multiplication table in his memory. It turned out, and at the end of the first quarter they decided with him and the head teacher: after the holidays, he will take the textbooks and study, living at our house, and once or twice will be shown at a school with completed tasks and write independent. The boarding school was going on, everyone understood: otherwise he will not study.

He thinks about the future like this: "I will help someone." What exactly is - it doesn’t matter. Once he asked who he loved the most in his life, and he-from the second time, thinking,-replied that I was. I feel responsibility and at the same time the inability to fully help. Moscow psychiatrists, having learned about A., answered: his departures are not manifestations of a mental illness. It seems. His vagrancy is not a disease, but a special personality warehouse. Given the fact that he experienced: at 4 years he wiped blood from the floor - the father in a drunken quarrel poked a knife of his mother’s leg, well, much more, and I generally believe him, he is not inclined to fantasy. Well, boarding realities do not contribute to the desire to be there. He has never left our house.

And then A. was put in the Medblok: he fled again from the boarding school, where, as they agreed, he had to live a week, handing over the control. In those days, the boarding authorities read in the “new” “childhood of a special regime” (No. 26 over the past year) and was offended, even they stopped letting me out of the gate. When A. then took it on the weekend, he said that he couldn’t live with us now, and it’s not about him: we could not cope with difficulties. He asked him forgiveness. And he promised that we would see the weekend and call up, as before. Потом привез его обратно, и он по своей инициативе упросил вахтершу, чтобы пустила меня «внутрь»: «А вдруг меня снова переклинит, и побегу через забор, пусть лучше он меня к воспитателю проводит». Так что повидался я тогда с детьми. Т. тетрадку красивую привез и фломастеры: девочки сказали по телефону, что она стала менее мужиковато одеваться и вести себя, что меня и подвигло на такие подарки; братьям Б. привез журнал «Геолёнок» — они как раз собирались в профилакторий, вот и почитают.

Выглядит и чувствует себя А., кажется, нормально. Показывал растрогавший его клип на песню «Злая доля» с кадрами из фильма про полярных лаек. Я не удержался и сказал, что фильм и клип хорошие, но автор песни — моральный урод, как и большинство «блатных» шансонье: похоже, не случилось у них в раннем возрасте нормальных отношений с матерью или с другим близким взрослым, вот и живут теперь такие все обиженные и постоянно жалуются на жизнь.

А. обижен на свой интернат. Ищем ему училище, где готовят работников лесхозов, чтобы было ему где бродить. В любом случае мы его не оставляем, он это понимает, и клип про преданных лаек, видимо, поэтому заставил его так расчувствоваться.

To be continued