I'm still not entirely sure that I made the right choice in becoming an actor. After all, I had many opportunities: I worked as a school bus driver, a painter, and sold egg rolls. Then he worked in a stationery shop. Then he looked at the Mexicans in the landscaping office: he was pulling out weeds. Now all this allows me to think about what my life would look like if I had not become an actor. But here’s what I know for sure: living pretending to be another person and getting fabulous money for it is the highest class.

I've always believed that if you can't make money as an actor, you're either unforgivably stupid or tragically unhappy.

As a rule, people start acting in films because they are either too lazy to play in the theater every day, or want to earn money, or simply want to become famous.

The greatest success —and at the same time the most tragic—is the one that no one noticed.

Everything you do, you must do for someone. Otherwise, it is better to do nothing at all.

In the grand scheme of things, nothing we do is that important. But this is not an excuse for someone who does their job poorly. When I worked in a stationery store, during working hours I thought only about stationery. And then, on the way home, I thought about the theater. I got off at my station and went to the studio. And in the morning he would wake up and go back to work to sort some paper clips.

From the very beginning I felt very at ease on stage: for me it’s like home.

Cinema is a world of fictitious people, fictitious events and fictitious things. When you think about this, you begin to think that the profession of an actor is miserable and insignificant. And at some point you say to yourself: damn, how can it change the picture of the world? But then you reassure yourself that such things can be said about anything. About banking and journalism, among other things.

Some directors want to get everything from you at once: for you to be their producer, screenwriter, and personal psychiatrist. And some are just waiting for you to break your neck on set so they can collect your insurance.

All the knowledge that modern directors possess is borrowed from films they have already made. So when they try to explain something to you, they always use some classic movie as an example. That's why there are so many movies that are like other movies. But I have nothing against it. I not only go to such films, but even act in them.

I don't tend to think too much about what I do. Prostitutes also don’t come home to say: “Darling, today at work I gave a blow job like I’ve never done before.”

I think I have more female friends than any man I've ever known. What amazes me about women is their mental toughness and the fact that they are always able to listen to you. They also cope with difficulties much more easily.

In a place where there are a lot of beautiful women, you should never go with someone who is better dressed than you.

It seems to me that my love for good clothes began in childhood - from the time I was a little fat boy. I was great at baseball and football, but my dad always said I liked looking good on the baseball field more than playing good baseball. It seems that this is the whole truth.

Just recently I started going to the gym, although, to be honest, I can’t stand these gyms. They scare me. But old age's frailty scares me even more.

Believe me, I can be incredibly disciplined, although discipline has always seemed to me like some kind of stupidity.

I have a complex relationship with smoking. I've always been a smoker who doesn't smoke.

Unlike my grandfather or, say, my brothers, I actually know how to make some money at the races.

I don't really remember my life before having children. There are, of course, some memories, but I’m not entirely sure that they are mine.

For several years now I have not inflicted any physical harm on anyone.

If I really lose my temper somewhere , it’s only on the set.

Once upon a time , I was walking along the street of a provincial town in France, and a truck hit me. He moved quickly and hit me with all his might. I don’t know whether the driver noticed me or not, but he didn’t even slow down and drove on. I caught up with him, rushed through the open window and grabbed the steering wheel. I say: “Listen, if you hit someone with a truck in a civilized society, then at the very least you should ask if they are okay.” He thought and said: “Sorry.” And I told him: “Okay, try to be more careful, and everything will be truly wonderful. I don’t dare detain you any longer.” I walked forward another thirty meters along the road, when suddenly this truck suddenly braked right in front of me. It turns out that the driver forgot to ask for my autograph.

I lived in Europe for almost 12 years and noticed that one of the main European mistakes is the eternal accusation that America does not have its own culture.

I'll tell you what politics is: suppose you suddenly find out that all the trees on your street are diseased. And then someone tells you: great, throw them some fertilizer, splash some water - and everything will be fine. But then someone appears who says that they need to be immediately cut down and burned to the ground, because otherwise they will infect the entire area. At this moment I step in and say: “Who proved that they are sick? How is this disease expressed? Is this a natural disease or are people to blame? And anyway, who started all this? And when was the last time they were on my street? But I will never get answers to my questions. I will only see people who say: chop and burn, and people who say: water and fertilize. And all that is offered to me is to choose between them. But no, dudes! Sorry, but I don't take anyone's word for it.

scare me . People who say they know how everything should be

I learned a long time ago not to worry about things I can't control. Are you worried that the plane is going to crash? Are you a pilot or what?

John Malkovich's Rules of Life