Linor Goralik: five stories about self -awareness

... Here, say, the young Dutch student M. decides to enter one famous Moscow university for history and anthropology - and acts. The family of a young Dutch student M. is completely not enthusiastic about the prospect of sending a child to this very country, but a love of Russian culture and not in such latitude will lead. I had to agree. The family set the condition one thing: to live with friends. They found a relative at some tenth jelly, a representative of the genealogical escape of almost Peter's times. This relative lived in the village of Zheleznodorozhny, was ready to provide a young Dutch student M. Room. Provided. Wallpaper moved in the room, a crane torn out of the wall breathed fogs, on one of the window glasses, traces of the inscription “Happy 1989!” Was visible, made by the “Pearl” toothpaste. History and anthropology. The embarrassed mistress causes a harsh person from some kind of repair office. The harsh person comes and says that he can make beauty. The hostess says that beauty is not necessary, you just need clean wallpapers, well, to drive the windows, the crane there ... A stern person examines the crane, says that he can put an Italian ceramic sitting bath. The bath is also not necessary, you need a normal sink so that the girl can wash herself. Well, in general: you need to modestly, carefully. “Just to,” says the apartment mistress, “young Mary was not afraid to live here, among us.” Then the harsh person leans towards young Mary and confidentially asks: "Girl, do you know how to hold a gun?"

... Here, say, the son of General K. in childhood brought the dolls to build and checked whether they covered the cribs well. The Salag-Medical Plusha often had the imprudence of hesitating, and the son of General K. instantly told him: “Oh, Plush, loves like you, an enemy machine gun!”

... Here, let's say, the transnchronist translator P. enters very cool and very expensive advanced training courses. At the same time, this is all around - and here, it means, the British pronunciation, the Verkhny German intonation and other cute chamber tasks. And the transnchronist translator P. complains to his friend, civil servant E., who feels serious confusion. “What will I do after my awesome courses? He asks. -Here I am investing a year of time, a bunch of money and effort-and who, with the current political atmosphere, will be needed in a year in a year, Russian translators-synchronists will be needed?! ” “Learn, study,” the civil servant E. says sadly “do not worry, they will be needed.” "Well, to whom, well, to whom?" -The translator-synchronist P. “And in Nuremberg, to translate in Nuremberg, is perplexed,” the civil servant E.

... Here, let's say, the promiseer N. claims that once on the Yakimanka he was greatly beaten by "some St. Petersburg people." They clamped their heads, beat her against the wall and said: “I'm sorry, bro. Sorry, a bro ... "They did not want anything else.

... Here, say, the marketer P. enters the meat processing plant that during the lunch break employees consume mainly products of the plant itself: some workers sit in the yard with smoking bowls of dumplings, others chew on the benches of sausage, and say, they talk behind a jar of stews. The Marketer P. I really like this, it seems to him that this should be described on the Twitter of the plant. The next day, he goes to talk with employees, their quotes may be a useful resource. He is somewhat surprised that those who ate dumplings yesterday, and today eat dumplings, the warehouses of sausages again have lunch sausage, and the stew in yesterday's stews are the same. The marketer P. begins with the first group. "Are you our dumplings?" “Yes, these are our dumplings, here we have a kitchen here, we cook them here.” “Do you like them?” “Yes, we really like them.” - "So you even ate them yesterday?" - "A?" - "Well, you like them so much that you eat them for the second day, right?" - "A?" The marketer P. was taught to compose the questionnaires correctly, you can’t make it so easily. "Okay, why do you eat dumplings again today?" “So we are a dumplings.” Here the marketer P. is still lost. "Do you eat them every day?" - "Yes." - "Why?" “So we are a dumplings.” Here the marketer P. makes a new entry. “But next to it,” he nods to neighboring benches, “the guys eat sausage.” - "Eat." “Is this our sausage?” “Yes, this is our sausage.” - "Do you think they like her?" - “Yes, you see, like it” (not without dreaminess). “They like her so much that they eat her for the second day?” - "A?" Then the marketer P. honestly asks: "They are a sausage workshop, right?" “Yes,” the pelmen pelmen confirm. “They are a sausage workshop.” To the fact that people with stew is a canine workshop, a marketer P. comes himself, by extrapolation. And he asks: “Listen, why don't you change products? Diversity! Interest in new experience! For a day they are a sausage for you, you are dumplings, they are a stew ... Do you not want stew? " And then the dumpling shop answered the Marketer P. in a single steel voice: "Do not respect himself."