For yourself beloved

It just so happened in Rus': we make gifts to our neighbors on the occasion of the holiday, and we endow ourselves due to inflation. When the course of the native currency begins to grow, as if the temperature of a seriously ill patient, the compatriot is relying and is ready to fulfill his own dreams. Previously, he was discouraged by a jerking toad, tagged between the heart and the wallet. But in the days of doubt, in the days of financial thoughts, the toad is cramped by a reckless fried rooster. He begins to peck the owner: moved, saving late, rather, pamper himself, while there was still, what shies.

And our New Smakers, people from the TV, the inhabitants of the sky -high rooms - are they not the same initially not the same as we? And isn't it the same rooster now knocking on his beak and in their hearts? No need to have a violent imagination to imagine what New Year's gifts they will make in the coming days and hours ...

The TV presenter of the Russia-1 channel Dmitry Kiselev will buy an amber ashtray in the form of a skull to say to her with a sigh: "Poor Yorik!" Because Dmitry Konstantinovich himself is almost Hamlet. He only pretends to be violent and sprinkles on the air of terrible words-word-word is not to his liking, but in the service, so as not to annoy his uncle. In fact, he understands everything, but he cannot say. Time did not come: the uncle is the king for now. So for self -expression there are only conversations with an ash. Useful, by the way, a thing: you can pour everything that, according to Kiselev, will remain from America ...

The deputy of the Legislative Assembly of St. Petersburg Vitaly Milonov will buy a marble bust of Peter Tchaikovsky and the new album of Elton John. Not because Milonov loves music (he doesn’t have hearing!), But because the enemy needs to know in the face. The deputy’s working office is probably forced by the books of Stephen Fry and Oscar Wilde and hung with the posters of Jen McCellen, Rudolf Nureev and Boris Moiseev. When the deputy enters, the enemies surround him from all sides - so popular, so vicious. Looking at their glossy faces, Vitaly Valentinovich habitually dawn himself with a sign of the Cross and whisper like a mantra: "Leave, nasty! .."

The head of Russian Railways, Vladimir Yakunin, will acquire a fur coat. Not luxurious, oh no, but budget, rabbit. Or from artificial fur. It is necessary to find out, finally, what kind of thing is this - a fur coat ...

The deputy chairman of the State Duma of Russia Sergey Zheleznyak will buy a vest from Cardin and the dishes of Galliano and will always keep this kit with him, in a briefcase. After all, when people will come to the State Duma and declare: “The guard is tired!”, It is much safer to be a sailor of iron than a deputy of the One-Famile.

The prime minister estimated in advance in which place in his kitchen the "jammers" are not so noisy and can, almost without straining hearing, catch the broadcasts of Western radio. Because freedom is better than not free, and Dmitry Anatolyevich always wanted the best ...

Minister of Culture of Russia Medinsky will buy a new plumbing. He should have changed the toilet at all a couple of years ago: take normal, imported, so that there were no blockages and so that the drain tank worked properly. Everyone who listens to the minister’s performances has long felt that Vladimir Rostislavovich had any problems in this delicate region. But the minister held to the last. He suffered, grunted, tormented, put off for later. And only now, having talked with a psychoanalyst, he realized: everything, it's time ...

The Minister of Defense Shoigu will buy soldiers - tin, and more. He has more than enough alive, but with the living is troublesome. If the Supreme Commander allowed him, then Sergei Kuzhuhetovich would replace such toy soldiers up to two -thirds of personnel. Tin-persistent, light, compact, truly polite (because they are silent), they don’t ask, they don’t drink, they are not afraid of dampness, they can be painted in any color, loaded in boxes, send them anywhere and at the same time cant. Lost - not scary, we will write off at a loss. Damed - it does not matter, you can bury without a scandal. And, most importantly, not a single talker-law enforcement officer will dull: toys ...

Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev will not buy the sixth iPhone-why does he need this nozzle in Russia? No, he will buy an antiques - a spidola radio, and in excellent condition. A terrible deficit, on the present days, but he will be able to, even with a set of batteries. The prime minister estimated in advance in which place in his kitchen the "jammers" are not so noisy and can, almost without straining hearing, catch the broadcasts of Western radio. Because freedom is better than not free, and Dmitry Anatolyevich always wanted the best ...

And Vladimir Putin will buy himself a ma-a-a-a-a-alleni island in the ocean. And if you do not want to spoil Putin’s mood, never ask why the island. And about where he is specifically, Vladimir Vladimirovich himself will never tell you. Because freedom ...

Oh, sorry: it was an aphorism from the previous paragraph.

Roman Arbitman - Saratov writer

Opinions expressed under the heading "Law" may not reflect the point of view of the editorial office