Linor Goralik: five stories about ghosts

... Here, say, the theater of S., having fallen under crisis abbreviations, went to work as a secretary with his former classmate, now - the general director of a large sawing company and a great admirer of a lifetime. The crisis of the general director was very worried, and therefore the company decided not to conduct the New Year's corporate party. But the general director could not leave the board of directors without gifts and consulted with his secretary, the former theater expert S., the former theater department S. said that if these people need something, they would take something away from them. “This is not one day,” the general director said thoughtfully. Then a former theater department S., who in life has not raised anything harder than a twisted pair of Cat 6 A , gloatingly suggested giving all members of the board of directors a subscription to pathos fitness. And added: "Without a sauna!" The general director reasonably noticed that these slides would not go there. The former theater department S. said that they would be, if directly in fitness, appointing meetings of the Board of Directors. There is, he says, such a thing is called "sovereign democracy." So, now in one large sawing company the decisions of the board of directors are made by another 80 kg. Only a personal guard of the general director can make it, and from the outside it may seem that here it is, a sovereign democracy, but the general director now lives in fear of gently bursting with a guard and noticeably built colleagues, cursing the day when he obeyed some former theater expert. “It is necessary,” he thinks, “to make a corporate party. Cheese is there, sausage. "

... Here, say, the poet K., being on vacation in a warm country, went to shoot a cigarette. He went to two vacationers, looking socially close. He turned to them with the words: “Dear compatriots! ..” And they tell him: “Well, what to insult right away?”

... Here, say, the young daughter of journalist N., a man of a believer, but brought by life to Gnosticism, comes from his smart private school with a task of religious studies: to talk with his parents about the story about Adam, Eve and the serpent. And the next day he tells the class that there is such a version: the serpent wanted to sleep, and his wife Zimia nudged: “I want an apple! I want an apple! " And the serpent, which then still had legs, climbed the trees with difficulty and fucked up. And his wife says to him: well, some kind of woman walks, agree that she gets out. And the serpent answers her: "Yes, you look at that woman, she will devour this apple herself." Well, he was right. And a smart teacher of religious studies in response to this explains to the children that everything is fine, the history of religion is the history of interpretations, but still asks the young daughter of journalist N: “Katya, this interpretation of how?” And Katya says: “You know, I'm fine. Only I think - the serpent has nothing to do with it. He was tired, wanted to sleep, worked a lot, only drank and lay down, read Facebook , worried about the fate of his homeland, walked around the links, wrote a post in LiveJournal with an analysis of the current situation, then cried in the bathroom. I do not believe that he went with someone about something to negotiate. "

... Here, say, P.’s psychiatrist tells friends that a mental disorder is looking for manifestations in realities and therefore what is happening - it is reflected in patients, and it is not necessary to give these reflection, the disease must be treated. It would be now 1812 - there would be Napoleons and Kutuzovs, and so Putin, then the lost son of Obama, then the chief of the General Staff. The other day, he says, a very smart, educated lady, a frequent guest, had a remission, now worse. Previously, she was manifestedly, then Syak, this time I understood: she was an angel Merkel, she was replaced by Russian special services, after negotiations, they put an ephezbashnik stubborn under her, something urgently needs to be undertaken. As proof, he retells in detail that there were in the negotiations, who spoke with whom in any tone, what deadlines were appointed. “We,” says Psychiatrist P., “of course, gathered, listened. Dick knows him, now you are listening to everyone. It seems to be clear that what is sick, but you listen. ”

... Here, let's say, on the corner of Turkish street, a noble geopolitician Sh. Meets an ancient transparent old woman who to no avail trying to find out from passers -by how to go to Ottoman.