Alphabet: e - Egypt, farewell

After a forced break, the section “Alphabet” returns to us, and this time Sasha Nelyuba is catching our favorite tourist trips to Egypt according to the “All inclusive” system. Pain, suffering, Tagil, dead season.

On November sixth, 2015, President Putin agreed with the proposal of Alexander Bortnikov, the head of the FSB of Russia, suspend the air traffic with Egypt, and signed a corresponding decree on November ninth. From this moment, the great outcome of the Russians from Egypt and farewell to the All-Inclusive system, which continued after the imposition of sanctions against Turkey, began. The word on the letter “E” in the section “Alphabet” is Egypt, and today we will talk about the fact that this country meant for the average Russian.

Why is Egypt to the Russian person? It is unlikely that he is interested in Abu Simbel, the Pyramids of the Giza and the museums of Alexandria and Cairo. Myths and millennia of the history of one of the cradle of civilization exist for him in the form of artisanal papyruses and Chinese souvenirs, which are brought in tons to gifts from relatives. We went to Egypt for “all inclusive” and the opportunity to shout “Tagiiiiiiiii!”, Jumping a bomb into the pool, so that “I saw how I sprayed these freaks on sunbeds?”. Egypt was “ours” from all his “freebie, sir!” ( In fact, not a freebie, but a prepayment ), with helpful ( in fact, for a long time ) Arabs and the opportunity to feel like gentlemen, even if at home, in Russia, “gentlemen” we called us only the voice of the host in “What? Where? When? ”, Turning to the viewers. Any woman, from an attached student to a blurry housewife, in Egypt automatically became a habibi and beauty, receiving a hundred times a share of attention ( quite repulsive, in fact ) from each oncoming local resident, and each head of the family in dimensionless shorts and a barcettes on the belt became an expensive guest and a welcome customer in any prior souvenir shop.

The first time I was in Egypt at the age of thirteen, when it was still tasty there, and the locals still did not dare to grab their hands everywhere and for all other outstanding and not very outstanding places of Russian women aged twelve to seventy years. Last year, with a collapsed ruble and complete uncertainty in terms of salary of money for vacation, I was enough for only three days in Paris and for two weeks in Egypt. My mother and I were tired to such an extent that she only wanted to swim in the sea and sleep on the beach, and I just sit on the sand, look at the sea and stupid. Out of habit, I took with me the thickest book that was found in the house. But I managed to read only in the midday heat in the room under a constantly breaking air conditioner, because every five minutes on the beach my speech-reading state was unceremoniously interrupted by intrusive massage, skiing on the “banana” and “buns”, diving, temporary tattoos, “guides”, discos, trickers, acquaintances, marriage, marriage Catcams on camels, riding jeeps, skating on yachts, dating, braiding braids, dating, dating, dating. My fifty -year -old mother almost drowned a local resident who tried to meet her right into the sea - for this purpose, he began to grab her legs under water. When, at the end of my stay in this four-star hotel, I was so tired of the “rest” that I stopped smiling at the waiter in a restaurant, in which we went to dinner with the very beginning of the conquest, when at least something remained on his “Swedish” tables, the waiter declined me in three languages-Russian, English and Arabic, because with such a mug, in his opinion, in his opinion, in his opinion You need to sit at home in your Russia, and not come to his country.

Let us recall those recent blessed times when dozens of charter flights per day flew from Russia to Egypt. We will lower the sweet details of the departure from the homeland (hello, Domodedovo, with endless, crossing cords with each other to passport control, hello, Sheremetyevo, with the transfer of gates from one floor to the other and not leaving to those tapes, hello, clogged with screaming children and their already begun to “rest” with drunken fathers, we will begin our airbuses). An imaginary journey from the arrival zone at the Hurghada airport, Sharm El Sheikh, or where we were still flying there.

Compared to this, which is clogged with a different crowd, the Domodedovo barn in a hot degree of more than forty degrees begins to seem like a paradise. Already here, local residents living at the expense of tourism and tourists begin to tear us. They are “helpful”, but in fact, in an ultimatical form they will offer us to fill out a migration card for us and will require ten dollars for it. Then we, like cattle, are driven to buy a local visa. If we are not going to go beyond the borders of Sinai in Sharm El-Sheikh, we do not need a visa, but if we are not warned about this in advance, then in a common crowd we will buy this brand that is unnecessary for us. Then, when we put our focused suitcases with dumped wheels from the ribbons of the transporters, guides with travel agencies put us from the crowd in their hands and they are convinced by buses. Further thirty, forty, sixty, or even more minutes of the transfer - and now we are in our hotels. Here we will obediently wait for the settlement, trying to reassure the children who are languishing from the heat and tired of the flight, while managers give the keys to more desired Italian, English, Polish, German and even rare American tourists. Then we will be taken to our rooms, in which something will definitely be broken-if not air conditioning, then the door to the balcony, if not a tap in the bathroom, then a lamp near the bed. Are you a mother and daughter and ordered a separate bed? Here you have a double with one bedspread for two. Have you been promised a view of the sea or at least the pool? Here is a deaf wall opposite your window or even garbage containers under the balcony. And yes, for breakfast-good dinner you are already late while you were waiting for settlements. But nothing, we saved on this vacation all year. We will tolerate. Or maybe we’ll scandalize. In any case, we finally flew and all inclusive. In addition to the air conditioner, who is broken.

The next morning or even that evening we will not get to the coveted beach. Because we have a mandatory meeting with the guide. This is a very important meeting, it will tell the rules and generally a lot of vital information. You flew only for seven days, of which two are the days of arrival and departure? No, a meeting with a guide is more important. Are you in Egypt for the tenth time and the fifth of them is in this hotel? The meeting is still important, but there will be a surprise for you, because you are regular customers! The dispute right away: “Surprise” is a five percent discount on a tour of the exacerbation of you. And the anubis for you to buy the same excursion three times cheaper outside the hotel, you will be deceived there! And the guide is responsible for you, so you can only buy excursions from him.

But finally we are on the beach. The path to the beach each time past souvenir shops is the quest “save yourself, your outstanding and not very part of the body and your wallet”, but Scylla and Haribda have passed and - hello, the sea! Sea. Well, there are no complaints about the sea. The sea is really cool. Unless, of course, you are lucky, and the entrance to it is not sharp corals ( goodbye, children's knees ) and does not run through the colony of sea urchins. Pour Allah to come to a hedgehog someday! Personally, I do not like salty water and plunge into it for a long time. I love the sea from afar. I love that it is noisy nearby and dousing me with a warm salty wind, while I read a thick book on a sunbed under an umbrella. But my mother is a fan of distant swims with a mask so that fish can be seen. Already on the way back to the airport, having bought a book about the sea inhabitants of Egypt and reading it in anticipation of a reverse plane, my mother frantically poked her finger into the picture and voted in my ear: “Your mother! Yes, she is poisonous! Well, I almost touched her! ” No, no one warned us. By the way, Medusa touched me at sea. It was disgusting and irritation appeared on the leg. They say that such a jellyfish floating right near the shore can bring a small child to anaphylactic shock. No, they are not warned about this either. Why scare away tourists?

But where is the coveted All-Inclusive? He is in restaurants and bars in the territory. Depending on the hotel’s navigation and the cost of the ticket - also near the pools and on the beach. This is if we have a first -line hotel, if the second, then the Sororyans are a bar on the beach, most likely not for us. Well, or this separate tent is for us, and everything else is for those who are “their own” on this beach. By the way, this same inclusive depends on the hotel’s stars and the cost of the ticket-whether it will simply be all or extra-can ( ultra-can, super-can, and so on ). The difference is usually in alcohol - in the usual “all inclusive” it is local, often diluted or even sometimes fired, or in the case of extra, ultra and super - with the addition of a strong imported one. It seems like there are a chance not to be poisoned. But in any case - drink, as much as you want. And also - eat as much as you want. These beautiful pasta, unintelligible salads, for many years as inedible desserts and everything that the soul wants. Except for watermelon. The watermelon cuts a special waiter and gives out no more than three pieces. If you are pretty Habibi, then five pieces. No, you already approached your watermelon. Go over, unripe dates from sour syrup, you can see yourself. How much will you want. All inclusive!

Once the Swedish tables in All-Inclusive in Egypt were really bursting with a variety of delicious dishes and very tasty desserts, but then the bench began to hide behind, crises began, “food spoiled”-Russian fans began to complain ( prepayments, as we recall ), but did not stop going for alluring “all turned on”. We were not stopped by the unrest of the Arab spring with its revolutions, the planes falling directly on the beaches, incidents in hotels, mass poisoning, an accident with buses of Russian tourists and other incidents , we continued to go. Even the ban on air traffic at first did not stop us. It would seem that nothing could stand between us and the coveted All-inclusive. We returned home, loaded with cheap souvenirs, fake bags, spoiled impressions, experienced a reverse acclimatization, scraped off the short -lived Egyptian tanning, showed their native tons of the same stupid photographs and began to accumulate “all inclusions” next year. So why did we go to Egypt? Probably for permissiveness. For the opportunity to revel in the cheap “free” ( prepaid ) alcohol, behave in a breath, to overeat and wallow with seals on the beach, shout “Tagiiiyil!”, To scandal the drunk with the “service staff”, feel like the center of the universe, say to his friends: “It’s normal for a year, there, they went to Egypt, found it, the children were dried up, the children were morem We breathed, swam, next year we will go again. ”

We do not care that they have not been loved and respected for a long time, they are poorly fed, ripped off on every corner, they call “these Russians”, “Natasha” and “habi”, and grabbing in the streets. After all, Egypt is "ours", they "live only at our expense." More precisely, they lived. Egypt, whose economy is more than 40% of tourism, with the fall of the ruble and a decrease in the flow of Russian tourists loses more and more money, and we, while Russia is in no hurry to restore air traffic with Egypt and take off its sanctions from Turkey, we lose our beloved “all inclusive” and the ability to release our internal cattle with impunity.

Now we are promised the development of the All-Inclusive system in Israel and in other popular foreign directions, as well as at home, in Russia. What will be the Russian "all inclusive"? Probably the same as most realities in Russia - meaningless and merciless. After the last trip to Egypt, my inner snob does not want to release internal cattle anymore and observe the same around me. All-inclusive does not want. I intend to spend the next vacation with relatives in Kaliningrad. In further plans - to look towards Lake Baikal or even recall a sanatorium childhood in the North Caucasus. Maybe this was the goal of our great outcome from Egypt? No, not to pacify the inner cattle, but to start spending money at home, on an internal, so to speak, tourism. Crimea, again, must be raised.

Because “Tagil!”, Gentlemen, not only in Africa “Tagil!”.